Ask the Expert: Ryan Jahnke Talks about Boys in Figure Skating

Awesome – thanks for posting this! Fortunately Kiddo hasn't endured any teasing from classmates or friends yet, as most of them are in the skating program as well. (By chance, the school group here is incredibly tight.) The rink we go to has been incredibly supportive and kind. Our only “teasing” issues now are the shortsighted and incredible comments from our adult associates… “I guess you don't want grandchildren, huh?” Hardeharhar. It's not that I don't want grandkids, I just really need a solid second opinion on pumps.

Kiddo does get discouraged sometimes by the sheer numbers of girls and the fact that all skating stuff is girl oriented. (Even the gloves.) It's also a bit frustrating when other mothers will say that they're so glad to see a boy, boys are a “premium commodity” because the girls need partners. Kiddo doesn't want to do pairs, he's skating for himself right now. Later on down the road this may change, but for now he doesn't want to hear it. (Or I could start speculating in Commodities Futures of all the Little Boys. Now taking offers for the one in the teddy bear hat…)

I really appreciate all the Male skaters out there who take the time to send messages of encouragement to the Boys. It' really helps out!

Great sense of humor. My 11 year old has had to deal with teasing, and he's been approached by 3 different girls asking him to do pairs. He wants to be a singles skater, so they're all in for a disappointment. Best of luck to your son!

Thank you so much Ryan for doing this interview. I'm going to have my 11 year old son listen to this when he gets home from school. He gets teased about being in a girls sport, and it is hurtful, but he's learning to ignore it as best he can. I recently moved him to a rink where there are several male skaters and coaches. I wasn't sure if it made a difference or not, but from your point of view it's a good thing. And I will start looking around for an older male mentor. He loves the sport so the teasing isn't going to make him quit, but it is hurtful, and it's hard as a parent knowing there's really no way to prevent it.

It does help to have a sense of humor, lol.

Although, I will say that the level of homophobia this conversation brings up with some people just makes me very uncomfortable. Why does any sexual orientation need to be defended in the first place? I know, a bigger topic…still.

On the other hand, I don't get why “macho” boys would want to tease any other teen boy about being in the minority of XY chromosomes, spending every day among strong, beautiful, athletic teen girls. It's like when the two teen boys stumbled into the bookstore the night I was working the Twilight release and immediately found themselves the lone dudes in a room of 300 teen girls. I told them, “Just mess up your hair and then play it cool; you'll have it made.”

This is wonderful for parents of male skaters to hear. Ryan, you’re a wonderful example and give a lot of great advice. I think it’s really true that parents can do a lot to provide a strong support system for their boys who are figure skaters.

Great interview!

I have a slightly different take as the mom of a daughter skating at a rink where there are actually quite a few male skaters. My daughter struggles a bit with the more delicate and “pretty ballerina” aspects of figure skating. I think she likes practicing with the boys because no one is encouraging boys (as often) to throw their shoulders out doing Biellmanns. Seeing the boys at our rink gives the girls a bit more permission to be…I don't know…”rock and roll”, lol.

And skating is such a great way for girls to train alongside boys more or less as athletic equals. I think there is a lot of quiet respect among the skaters for the strength and work it takes to get certain jumps, spins, and moves, no matter if it's a girl or boy doing it. And if non-skaters have the wrong opinion or impression of boys who skate, well, at least there will be other skaters who know the truth.

Did you ever think about quitting skating? Why didn't you?

Ice Mom I don't really like the audio thing because I cant play it.

Thank you both for the wonderful interview. My IceBoy listened and could relate to a lot of things said.

For my IB, there was a time around 10 or 11 that the teasing really bothered him. Thank goodness he is past those years and is proud to be a skater again. It wasn't very long, a couple of years, but it seemed like forever!

Ryan J, Best wishes to you on all of your exciting adventures!

There were two times that I thought about quitting skating:
1) When I was 11 and 12 years old, I had Osgood-Slater's in my knee due to growth spurts and it was incredibly painful to jump. It wore me out and I told my mom I wanted to quit. She simply didn't let me…mind you, my mom was NEVER a “skating mom”. 95% of the time she dropped me off at the curb of the ice rink for practice and left. She just had a mother's wisdom and knew I should never quit when I'm down.

2) After the 2002 Olympic Trials when I didn't make the team. While competing through the ranks, 2002 was always my target. After it came and went, I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep going. Two things kept me going. A dear friend stepped forward and offered to sponsor me and pay a large chuck of my expenses. This had never happened before (well, except for those extra mortgages my parents took out:-) Secondly, I felt like I hadn't reached my peak yet. I still thought that I could get better with more time. I made a decision to give it everything I had for one more year. 2003 was my breakthrough when I made the World Team.

The interview was my pleasure. Anytime my experiences can make it easier for others coming down the pike, I'm glad to do it.

I have a problem with these types of interviews, they have been done exactly this way for years.

1. Start with stories of the male figure skater getting teased when growing up because he didn’t play hockey

2. Talk about how this dropped off when he started to win nationally.

3. Talk about how hard guys work at figure skating and

4. Talk about how many girls there are in figure skating vs hockey, mocking hockey as an all male sport.

Summary. Same old, Same old.

The fact is there, are a large number of gay male figure skaters, actually most of the Olympic and Worlds medal winners in mens singles. Nobody address that.. It is always about how straight male figure skaters are and now much crap they have to put up with. What about the gay ones?, the ones who are actually winning the medals?

Until figure skating accepts that a significant percentage of it’s top male skaters are indeed gay and that is Ok, until it stops treating them as pariahs, this is not going to get any better.

In the animal kingdom there is a saying, don’t run away from a tiger because it will think you are something good to eat. Don’t run away from prejudice by hiding from it, you are making it worse. Stop trying to pretend there are no gay males figure skaters, it is nothing to be ashamed of and doing so, attracts and encourages prejudge. If you think you dealt with a lot of crap… ask one of the gay ones, because they also have to deal with you.

I have a problem with these types of interviews, they have been done exactly this way for years.

1. Start with stories of the male figure skater getting teased when growing up because he didn't play hockey

2. Talk about how this dropped off when he started to win nationally.

3. Talk about how hard guys work at figure skating and

4. Talk about how many girls there are in figure skating vs hockey, mocking hockey as an all male sport.

Summary. Same old, Same old.

The fact is there, are a large number of gay male figure skaters, actually most of the Olympic and Worlds medal winners in mens singles. Nobody address that.. It is always about how straight male figure skaters are and now much crap they have to put up with. What about the gay ones?, the ones who are actually winning the medals?

Until figure skating accepts that a significant percentage of it's top male skaters are indeed gay and that is Ok, until it stops treating them as pariahs, this is not going to get any better.

In the animal kingdom there is a saying, don't run away from a tiger because it will think you are something good to eat. Don't run away from prejudice by hiding from it, you are making it worse. Stop trying to pretend there are no gay males figure skaters, it is nothing to be ashamed of and doing so, attracts and encourages prejudge. If you think you dealt with a lot of crap… ask one of the gay ones, because they also have to deal with you.

Great Article. thanks for posting this. I am a male figure skating coach and have had to handle these types of problems with my boys skaters. It is a very difficult time for young men to pursue what they love and endure teasing from their peers. But emphasizing the positive aspects of what they are doing and the support of parents and coaches and clubs really helps! Burton Powley

Great Article. thanks for posting this. I am a male figure skating coach and have had to handle these types of problems with my boys skaters. It is a very difficult time for young men to pursue what they love and endure teasing from their peers. But emphasizing the positive aspects of what they are doing and the support of parents and coaches and clubs really helps! Burton Powley

I’m sorry that you were not happy about this. As parents, we really want the best for our children. I think that bottom line is that it doesn’t matter what a child’s sexual orientation is, it is difficult to be teased. The issue is not gay vs. straight, it is about respect for fellow human beings and helping our boys get through this hard time when they so much want to conform.

I know that unfortunately, there will always be prejudice of all types, personally, my son knows the people who are coaches, not the “gay” coach or the “straight” coach. He doesn’t care about that and neither do the majority of the families at the rink. Coaches and skaters are judged by their personhood and by their effectiveness, period.

As for interviews, these are the stories of individuals, they can only speak to their experiences. If it’s the same old story, then that only means that it happened more than once to different people.

cheers.

I'm sorry that you were not happy about this. As parents, we really want the best for our children. I think that bottom line is that it doesn't matter what a child's sexual orientation is, it is difficult to be teased. The issue is not gay vs. straight, it is about respect for fellow human beings and helping our boys get through this hard time when they so much want to conform.

I know that unfortunately, there will always be prejudice of all types, personally, my son knows the people who are coaches, not the “gay” coach or the “straight” coach. He doesn't care about that and neither do the majority of the families at the rink. Coaches and skaters are judged by their personhood and by their effectiveness, period.

As for interviews, these are the stories of individuals, they can only speak to their experiences. If it's the same old story, then that only means that it happened more than once to different people.

cheers.

Hello, JMarrs.

Thank you very much for your comment. You know, I think you have a valid point: many skaters, just like many people, are gay. In our society and our rinks, being gay has a set of challenges that come with it. Parenting the gay figure skater must also be a topic that some of my readers are working on. The whole point of this blog is to provide parents resources to help them at the rink, no matter what’s going on.

I would be happy to interview someone about this topic, JMarrs, but I’ll be honest: I don’t know how to go about securing this kind of interview.

I think it would be useful for parents and skaters to have gay role models who have thrived in this sport and I think that their stories and lessons would be useful.

JMarrs – and others who are reading this – if you have an idea for a person who might be a good candidate for an Ask the Expert interview about gays in figure skating, I would be very willing to follow up. Please e-mail me at icemom.diane@gmail.com.

Thank you, JMarrs, for leaving this comment. You’re right: no one should have to feel like a pariah.

Ice Mom

Hello, JMarrs.

Thank you very much for your comment. You know, I think you have a valid point: many skaters, just like many people, are gay. In our society and our rinks, being gay has a set of challenges that come with it. Parenting the gay figure skater must also be a topic that some of my readers are working on. The whole point of this blog is to provide parents resources to help them at the rink, no matter what's going on.

I would be happy to interview someone about this topic, JMarrs, but I'll be honest: I don't know how to go about securing this kind of interview.

I think it would be useful for parents and skaters to have gay role models who have thrived in this sport and I think that their stories and lessons would be useful.

JMarrs – and others who are reading this – if you have an idea for a person who might be a good candidate for an Ask the Expert interview about gays in figure skating, I would be very willing to follow up. Please e-mail me at icemom.diane@gmail.com.

Thank you, JMarrs, for leaving this comment. You're right: no one should have to feel like a pariah.

Ice Mom

[...] think figure skating has to be one of the best possible avenues for self-growth.  In an interview, 2003 USA World Team Member Ryan Jahnke talked about boys in figure skating. When discussing the benefits of figure skating, Ryan said: For me, I think it was one of the most [...]

thats like the exact oppisite as my rink! lol, alot of the girls at my rink have problems with being “pretty” skaters lol, theres only like 2 or 3 boys that skate & well one of them is probably the “prettiest” skater in the entire rink!