Ask the Ice Moms: How Far Would You Drive to the Rink?

This is an often discussed topic where I live, I won't say where in this post, but suffice it to say that it is NOT in a good area for serious figure skating. I can only name 2 skaters from our area who ended up becoming “elite” and both of those moved elsewhere to train. We have a few rinks in our area but most are devoted to hockey, which is very big here. (We also have almost NO male figure skaters, all the dads make them do hockey…) At the rinks where there are a good number of freestyles (training ice, whatever you call it) they still do not offer enough off ice classes, or enough ballet classes. If your skater really does have potential most people (including me) feel that you should move to a better training center. There's really only one place to even consider driving to to train, a friend of ours does this, drives her daughter about 2 hours one way each week. Her daughter does have real potential though, she was on the podium at Junior Nationals last year. (YAY!) Most people who skate in our area do not drive elsewhere for training, they really just look on figure skating as recreational for the most part. I think whether or not to drive far away to train is a tough decision, sometimes it pays off, but then more often than not the skater still doesn't make it beyond Regionals. I think, as it was said, that it really must be a “love match” so to speak between the skater & the coach. There is no point in driving them far away for a skater/coach relationship that is just not a good fit. If you really feel that your skater truely has great potential and cannot progress with the coaches in your area do a lot of research on where you intend to commute to first, ask for tryouts (test runs) with other coaches before making a commitment to commute permenantly. Perhaps a 6 week trial as well, where you can part ways if it's not working out with no hard feelings on either side. And make sure your skater is on board, unless they are really enthusiastic about the commute they may complain the whole way. Keep in mind that it is a rare girl (or boy) that reall has the work ethic & dedication to seriously train & give up all the time with their friends, etc. And buy a car that is very good on gas! :~)

See I was willing to travel for synchro and dd made the team this year, however we were always treated like outsiders. ( it was in a different city) I'm telling you even the girls that were 6 years old were mean! I made coach and my mom come just to verify I wasn't being nuts. We passed on the team.

So now if we want to do it we have to drive the other direction and it's longer to get to. I would drive a few hours if my daughter loved it and the team/coaches were nice.

I personally would travel quite far, perhaps not 400 miles but a reasonable distance. I was actually considering joining the club of the 2nd, smaller rink in our city a few months ago because the club I go to at the larger rink is very elitist and is full of kids a heck of a lot younger and better than myself. But this rink is 50 miles away and my mum refused to take me because she sees skating as a hobby and she doesn't want to taxi me around for an hour or more there back twice a week because I’m not really going to get anywhere with it, you know, a few local competitions are probably the limit. But after discussing this with my parents I actually started settling into the club and I meet a couple of other members who were in the same situation as myself and we've actually become really great friends but if it hadn't have sorted itself out, if it was up to me I would have travelled until I found a place were I felt comfortable but my mum's the one who makes those decisions and she probably wouldn't have taken me to another rink unless I'd been really unhappy with the club I'm at now.

I think IceMom hit it on the head for us – It is the connection between the skater and the coach. We have limited coaching available for my daughter at our rink, which is only 20 minutes from our home. However, about 2 1/2 years ago we met a coach whom she connects with, but lives about 4 hours away. I cannot explain the difference, but those who see her working with him know what I mean. We were fortunate to find him and the one coach available at home has shadowed lessons so she can help support her training back at home.

My dd has no aspirations of being a “great” skater, but has a passion for the sport and an amazing commitment. Therefore, we do make a crazy drive for this opportunity. This summer we will drive once a week 4 hours one way for her coaching. During the school year we do not make as big of a commitment, but travel at least twice per month. However, to put this in context we drive 9 hours one way to our cabin for a 3 day weekend so these drives are nothing.

I also have VERY supportive parents and in-laws who help with all this travel and commitment. As the African Proverb says “It takes a village to raise a child”.

The icedad and I would more assuredly have different opinions on this!

There were different opinions in our household for quite some time and then dh spent the day with her watching. He came home with a completely different feeling about everything. I wonder to this day how it happened…….

I agree with the comments that the most important thing is the connection with the coach. If you don't have a connection with your coach it won't really be worth the drive, no matter how close or far or how high or low ranked the coach is.

When I started skating I started in the beginner classes at a rink about ten minutes from my house. After progressing through classes I started private lessons with one of the instructors for a few months but she then moved me over to her husband who is a higher level coach. He is very technical and scientific in his teaching methods, which is great for me as that is the sort of instruction I respond to. She tried to move my sister over to him, but my sister couldn't focus or understand all the technical details and ended up moving back to the original coach with occasional technical input from my coach. We would go to practice about four times a week, but it was so close that it really didn't seem like much of a problem. In the mean time, other rinks in the area closed down and more coaches came to our club. Let's just say some political nonsense went down (to put it mildly) and a lot of “poaching” (a joke term for coaches stealing other coaches students; and I do mean stealing – it usually happens with new parents who don't know anything about skating and hear the “your child is a STAR” and “so-and-so can't take them as far as I can” even though the child was very happy and progressing just fine with the first coach). So two years after I started taking lessons my coaches were essentially forced out of the rink.

They moved to a rink in the opposite direction that was about 20 miles and 30 minutes away on a good day. The only way to get there was to go on one of the worst freeways ever, and it wasn't in the best part of town. But we followed our coaches, as did most of their students who were not beginners. I think that says a lot right there. We were still going about four days a week to practice. After a year at this other rink it became apparent that the financial situation was not the best and it seemed inevitable that the rink would close. So we were again looking for a new place to go. The rink did eventually close; I think the building is now being used as a warehouse.

So we moved to another rink (again, nearly all of the students that had moved with my coach the first time moved again); but this one was even farther away (about 30 miles) although in the other direction. We pass the rink we started at every time we go to practice. When we go for early practice we can get there in about 20 minutes though; although it can take up to an hour in the afternoons. When we moved there I was skating five days a week, although I cut back to four as school became more difficult.

I had to move away for school purposes, so now I have to drive 100 miles one way to the rink. I only go on the weekends now because I can't drive up during the week, but I only have to go up once as I can stay with my family for the two days. I carpool with other students who are not skaters for the drive up and back, so that helps a little bit. But basically I put about 360 miles on my car every weekend between driving home and to the rink and back. Of course, I have multiple lessons and I skate about 8 hours on the weekend, as well as getting to see my family, so it is a much better scenario than driving 400 miles one way for one lesson. I am hoping that my school schedule will let me get to the local rink next year; it won't replace the weekend commutes because my coach is still at the other rink, but it would be nice to have more practice time.

Of course, my situation is not even that bad. There are some people at our rink who do come 400 miles EVERY WEEKEND to skate with their dance partners. Of course, I think they fly and don't drive, but I don't know if that would work if you aren't going from one major city to another, because the cost would be very expensive. I think if it was only one person flying would cost about the same, but since there are two of them driving would cost only half as much. Granted, they are adults and cost is possibly less a concern to them than the time needed to drive.

I have been very lucky to live in areas where skating is popular and I have been very very lucky to start with the right coach and stuck with him through all the ups and downs that life and the sport have thrown at us. I could see how living in an area where there are not so many opportunities could be difficult. I think driving long distances for skating is fine as long as everyone (parents and children) are willing to sacrifice the time to do so. Perhaps one of the suggestions from above would work well in this situation – have the local coach come to the lessons given by the long-distance coach. That way the local coach can improve their knowledge and reinforce the training at home. Of course, both coaches would have to agree and everyone would need to work well together, but that seems like a win-win situation for all involved if the right coach could be found.

That's a really hard question, and one I wouldn't know how I'd handle unless I was forced into that situation. We have enough rinks with figure skating ice in my area that we have several options within a 50 mile radius. We have a rink in my town, 2 minutes from my house, which my son hates so he doesn't skate there. Instead we drive to another rink 40 miles away for lessons and one 10 miles away for practice ice. The skater/coach connection is so very important which is why I do this drive, which is in no way comparable to what you're looking at.

I don't think I'd move for our skater as he's one of 3 kids and his brothers' lives are already impacted enough by his skating. If he was an only, or all my kids skated, then moving would definitely be an option. If he gets to the level where that has to be considered, we would probably go the route of “splitting” the family. And I would only consider this if my youngest was in high school. I know a family in our town who did that for gymnastics. The mom and daughter moved from the east coast to Ohio for the daughter to train, while the dad and two other kids stayed put.

If you tried out the rink you're contemplating driving to over the summer and found it a good fit for your skaters, you'd have to weigh the pros and cons of driving or moving. If everyone in the family is on board, then you should be able to make it work no matter which option you choose. And as long as no one in your family thinks it's crazy, then who cares what anyone else thinks as it really has no impact on their lives.

Interesting you say he practices at the close rink. All the available rinks are about equal for us in distance, but because of the skater/coach connection, my dd always practices at THAT rink is because her coaches are always there and even though they are not necessarily teaching her at that moment, one of them will often still stop her and re-direct or something.

I havent read all the comments yet,,,, but I wanted to say we have no coaching right now. Its not a choice of we have 6 or 7 coaches. We have one and they are LTS //and dance./moves Its a 400 mile trip because we live in Alaska and we only have 4 large cities.There is no where closer , we dont have cities like the lower 48.
thanks!!

We already have a relationship with the coaches we use away. We have been doing this since last year before Regionals, and they were the ones that we used at regionals.We really like them, its just its a tough road, with the trip and expenses.Both my kids skate, so its not like one isnt getting something, they both love skating.
I know its hard to understand, but Alaska is very different than the lower 48 :}

Angel, I’m writing from one of the most densely populated states in the union. I can’t imagine driving 400 miles anywhere unless it’s a vacation. But distance is relative – you are used to having to make long journeys due to the remoteness of your area. Regardless, your commute may take it’s toll on your nerves and will take a toll on your vehicle. The toughest part might be having to eat meals on the road and the kids doing homework in the backseat, not the time and the distance. I wish you the best trying to work this out, and hope that in the meantime better options become available.

Thank you. Its not like we make the trip every day, we go every 6 weeks and stay around 5 days.We homeschool so its not a big issue about homework.I think my point in the question was lost, I really meant more of when do you give up.They have both done well coming from here, and they have skated more than 7 years, more than half their lives. They would be lost without being a rink rat.That is the hardest issue, they dont want to stop, they know we dont have the coaches they need to be the best they can, and we arent moving.This isnt what we want them to do, this is what THEY do.Big difference.
We have had decent coaches here, but they have over time moved. We had a club 5 years ago that had maybe 40 skaters to now maybe 5 skaters.The town we drive to has great coaches.

I know Hawaii has the same thing, I would would guess alot of small towns have the same issues.

Angel, I think that the time to stop is the time when the negatives outweigh the positives. You might be seeing lots of positives in what your children get, but you are part of the equation too. If you are burnt out and not happy with the situation, then it's time to re-evaluate. We can sacrifice too much to make our children happy, when in the long run what they need the most is a happy and healthy parent.

Have you talked to your coach to see what he/she thinks about the future of your children in skating? It sounds like you have a good relationship with them and can trust their candid opinion. Sit down and talk to your IceCoach. Bring up the concerns that you have about where your skaters stand now, what their future goals are and if they are realistic. Discuss where your coach sees them 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 years from now. Make sure that before you talk with IceCoach, that you look at your family life and think about what you see 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 years from now. Do you see yourself still driving 400 miles every 6 weeks and staying around 5 days for skating? What about your children, what do they see?

There are other things besides competitive skating goals to consider as well, like maybe one or both of your skaters might like to be a coach someday. Maybe that is worth taking them all that way, and maybe they will eventually teach somewhere in Alaska where there is lack of higher level coaches. You never know.

Bottom line is that you all have to be happy. It's a really hard situation. Skating is such a passion for so many. If you do decide not to continue driving so far, have a back up plan so that your children aren't at a loss and aimless. Get them involved in other activities, in volunteering to teach learn to skate or other things. Good luck!!!

Thanks for your input! Your are right we all have to be happy.Its working for us right now,the thing that effected us is the fact we had two coaches in town and now we are down to one.It was working with them having the one coach from here and then us traveling. I am trying to figure out how to fix things:}
In answer to your question, both would like to coach,Dd since she was 5 and she just turned 11.But they love love love to compete.
I know how the coaches we use feel about their future……
They do other things besides skate and its not like they skate 5 hours a day. They are fairly well balanced.
Thanks for at least understanding :}

Are club jackets neccessary does ice girl have one?

I agree – distance is relative. I lived in Sydney (Australia) for a long time. MOST people there travelled at least 1.5-2hrs EACH way to work – and many travelled 3 hrs each way. That's where most jobs are but few can afford to live anywhere remotely central.
If you're willing and able to give this gift – it sounds to me like your children will use it well. So why not?
Since both your kids currently feel that the positives outweigh the negtives of this travel – I'd be optimistic they'd sympathise with the other even after pulling out themselves. The only prob is if YOU want to hang up the driving gloves. And no one would blame you if you did.

I think it depends on the club and your coach. Our club doesn't require one, my IceBoy had a plain black one until he went to Jr. Nationals and now he wears that exclusively. His coach said a club jacket wasn't necessary, and I was grateful because he would have outgrown it in a year and they run about $90. {ka ching} another expense.

On the other hand, it really is cool when we see kids running around competitions in their club jackets, they are very identifiable and look cohesive. The skaters usually want one, and if you are lucky you can get a used one from an older club member when they outgrow their jackets. At our club, the names are embroidered on the front though, so that makes it a lot of work to remove the name.

Often parents will get the child a jacket when they reach a certain level. I think that this is a great incentive for them. Other clubs require them when a skater reaches a certain level.

Wow alot of these situations are really hard.I can't say,”Yeah I'm going through that too.”becasue my rink is 5 minutes from my school,and 10 from my house.It's also only been around for 10 years and everybody knows me,the staff,the coaches,the skaters.My rink is so perfect and convenient that I skate 6-7 days a week.We have so many freestyle sessions a day and our rink isnt even devoted to figure skating.And I live and my rink is in a really safe,town.However on some holidays there is no sessions at all for up to 5 days.That's what happened this year for Memorial Day.My mom ened up driving me 1 hour roundtrip to Pickwick in Burbank on both Saturday and Sunday.And then another time they ended up cancelling the weekend sessions for sticktime or whatever so my dad drove me 6 hour round trip to Lake Arrowhead for a PUBLIC SESSION and we had to be there by noon.Any ice time I can get when my rink isnt an opition is great.It's esay to just drop evreything and say,”Hey lets go drive half an hour to Pickwick.”becuase I'm an only child. But the point is now I realize my schedule isnt that bad or bad at all for that matter.I mean that one comment about the girl that had to drive 100 miles one way to her rink and only on the weekends.Oh my god!I feel so sorry for you.I couldnt imagince making my parents drive me 100 miles one way every weekend.I cant even imagine only getting to skate 2 days a week!OMG I'm gonna have nightmares now……..

Good question, Mcatsmith. Like sk8rmomp, I think it depends on your coach. Ice Coach just wanted Ice Girl to have a nice black or white sweater to use for competition warm ups. However, when the club had its holiday club gear sale, I bought the jacket and warm up pants. For us, it's up to the individual skater.

Hey, Sk8nln.

Ice Dad's slowly coming around because he's Zamboni-ing and he sees Ice Girl's progress. I'm hoping that with all the Zamboni time he has this summer, he'll be even more on board with her skating. For us, involvement is important to being on board.

Angel, I misunderstood the point of your question with my first answer, and I may still be misinterpreting, but here goes.

If the driving and spending 5 days away from home is taking a toll on your marriage and family, then maybe it's time to call it quits. Your skaters might not want to stop, but unfortunately we don't always get what we want in life, and sometimes parents have to make tough decisions that will disappoint our children. If you're starting to resent the time commitment, that will begin to affect the way you interact with your children. If your marriage is being affected, then that will also affect your children. If the situation is no longer working for the family as a whole, then you shouldn't feel guilty telling your skaters that they can only skate at the closer rink. They may not have as good coaching, and maybe they'll have to go without coaching for awhile, but they'll still be able to skate. As parents we're the ones who have to make the best decisions we can as to what is best for the family as a whole. If you do decide to pull the plug, then there will probably be a time period when your skaters resent you and tell you that they hate you, that you're ruining their skating, their lives, etc. ( I'm generalizing here as I don't know your children, but most kids are like this when something is taken away ) Sometimes it's hard to say no to our children, and they may never understand the reasons we make the choices we do, but ultimately as parents we have to do what's best for the whole family.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Hi
No,it isnt effecting my marriage or family. When we go, we go as afamily dh included.No, they wouldnt say they hate me either, they know how things are here. Its something we have talked about before.
I am unsure why anyone thinsk I resent it, as I dont. My question was when do you stop when you know they cant progress to D/A , triples ect.I am sure I am not the ony person from a small place that feels the same way.
Anyway thanks for the input :}

I'm glad that the drive isn't affecting your marriage or family.

Maybe they need to look at their skating goals. If they can't land the double Axel or triples, maybe they should focus on testing out. In that case, can you do it in fewer trips?

I say, if they love it, are doing well, and you're cool with the drive – GO!

Angel,

That's great that the situation is working for the whole family. If your skaters love the sport, then keep doing the drive until they don't want to anymore. If they can't progress with the jumps, they could always concentrate on passing all the moves test. One girl at one of the rinks my son skates at has no interest in competing and is working on her double salchow, but her main goal is to pass her senior moves before she graduates from high school. She's close since she passed her junior moves a few months ago. There is so much you can do with the sport, and being at the rink, getting exercise and doing something they love, especially when you're doing this as a family, can only be beneficial for them in the long run.

It's hard for me to say yes I would drive more than half hour each way for a rink since I am literally surrounded by ice rinks in the northwest/west suburban Chicago area. I have a rink across my house, one around the corner, 3 that are 15-20 mins away and 2 more by my mom's house which is a 15 min highway drive. Out of those many rinks there is bound to be a few coaches that can cater to a highly competitive skater, should i ever have a talented child that has sights on skating at a national or world level (one of Evan's former coaches still teaches at my home club and he still has junior/senior students). So the more relevant question for me would be, would I pay the coaching fee that these high level coaches demand. I guess it depends, how many other kids I would have and how the skating of one would affect the others' activities (time and budgetary).

I would definitely send my kid to camp though, maybe even out of state, if I think it would help her. Once a year in summer would be sufficient. But I think she should be able to skate with any of the coaches that are available in the multiple rinks around us. As for my own skating, I'm happy with my coach and home club. My coach skated up to the junior sectionals level and realistically at my skill level and age I don't think I could go beyond silver moves/freestyle someday (if i do that'll be supppperrrr awesome) so her caliber (not to mention hourly fees) work very well for me.

6 hour round trip? That is crazy. Is it really a big deal to just not skate for a few days? You are incredibly lucky. I skate 2 days a week, due to expense and 1 hour roundtrip and limited time. Not skating for 5 days around Memorial Day is nothing at all. I’ve had to miss two weeks at once due to both rinks in town shutting down for the Christmas holidays, but it’s good for me to rest and when I go back I am actually better at some elements and bad habits have been erased from not skating. My mother wouldn’t even consider driving me to a rink a few hours away.
I love skating 2 days a week. I used to skate 1 hour on one day a week, and now I skate four or five hours every week, split between the two days. To earn those hours, I do ALL of the housework and help my parents out with projects such as building a new fence on our property. It’s all about earning skating, not just being given the money to skate everyday on a silver platter.

6 hour round trip? That is crazy. Is it really a big deal to just not skate for a few days? You are incredibly lucky. I skate 2 days a week, due to expense and 1 hour roundtrip and limited time. Not skating for 5 days around Memorial Day is nothing at all. I've had to miss two weeks at once due to both rinks in town shutting down for the Christmas holidays, but it's good for me to rest and when I go back I am actually better at some elements and bad habits have been erased from not skating. My mother wouldn't even consider driving me to a rink a few hours away.
I love skating 2 days a week. I used to skate 1 hour on one day a week, and now I skate four or five hours every week, split between the two days. To earn those hours, I do ALL of the housework and help my parents out with projects such as building a new fence on our property. It's all about earning skating, not just being given the money to skate everyday on a silver platter.

I live there as well, and we only have about 2 rinks in the WHOLE of Sydney.

In the UK rinks are few and far between. There’s only two in the whole of Wales, although I luckily live close to one of them, where i skate. Apart from that the nearest two are an hour or so away in England.

My old coach (also a close friend) moved 400 miles away, and I went up there to skate for a week in August, and planning to do so again in November. But if we weren’t good friends I wouldn’t do it, cause i go up to see her as much as to skate.

My regular coach is here and I love her too, and she’s happy for me to have the odd week of lessons with my old coach. I don’t drive, so going up there means a 16 or 17 hour bus ride over night! Definately couldn’t do that on a weekly basis lol! My current coach picks me up for the five mnute drive to the rink for my weekly lessons