Summer Ice: How Do You Know Your Figure Skater Is Working?

It’s summer and I know I’m not the only ice mom who drops off her kid at the rink before work and arranges for transportation home mid-day. While I’m at work, I cross my fingers that Ice Girl is skating, not chatting at the boards or painting her fingernails in the lobby.

That’s the question, isn’t it: is my figure skater using her ice time well when I’m not around? How can I find out? Should I even care?

Should I care? The fact is I do care and, given my cheap nature, I’m unlikely to stop caring if Ice Girl uses her ice time wisely. Sure, Ice Dad with his MBA can talk about sunk costs and how I don’t get a refund for my ice time if she uses it well or not. That’s pretty much a waste of breath, Ice Dad.

Before you get the idea that I’m standing at the rink door with a whip and a chair, please understand that the decision to skate is Ice Girl’s. I’ve written before about how Ice Girl and I complete the monthly ice contract. I give her a photocopy of the contract and tell her how many hours I can afford. She out the next month’s ice contract herself and makes sure she doesn’t skate when there’s a school dance or our town’s summer festival. She renews her commitment to the sport and promises me that she’ll meet her ice obligations for the month. If she changes her mind about figure skating, that’s cool. In fact, that’s great! Just change your mind at the beginning of the next ice contract, Ice Girl. Don’t ask me to pay for hours you won’t spend on the ice.

How I Find out If She’s Working.

Accountability. During the school year, I’m in the lobby while Ice Girl skates. Mostly I chat or work on this blog. Sometimes Ice Girl skates up to the glass and does the sign for watch me, please. (Point to eye, point to self.) I watch her. Sometimes I’ll glance up from my computer without her encouragement just to take a visual break. I know that the kid works hard.

However, last summer, a mom told me that Ice Girl was spending a lot of time tying and retying her skates. She left the ice for breaks. She consulted her binder. She sat in the hockey box tying and retying her skates.

Last summer, Ice Girl was working on that stupid Axel and she had new boots. I knew that she needed a mental break from what she was doing so she didn’t fling herself on the ice and pound it with her fists. I knew she was breaking in her new skates. I got it. It was a sanity thing. It was a foot pain thing. I understood.

Even though logically I understood Ice Girl’s ice time use, when another mom told me my kid was wasting ice time, it ate at me. I wanted to give my kid the benefit of the doubt, but when I sat in my work cubicle, I couldn’t help but hear that other mom’s words in the back of my head. It made me wonder: Is Ice Girl goofing off? Is she texting instead of working? Am I throwing my money away?

The spy network. I know that parents report on people’s kids in an effort to keep the kids moving and not chatting, but I’m uncomfortable with the spy network. Most of Ice Girl’s friends skate with a different coach and those skaters’ moms are my friends. So far, so good. I know that the gals watch one another’s kids while the other moms are at work, running errands, or putting something in the cock pot. They’re doing it as a favor to one another and, unofficially, as a favor to me. It’s nice of them and it’s nice that they’re concerned about Ice Girl and me.

But I have this whole trust thing going on with Ice Girl. I’ve always said I’d trust her until she gave me a reason not to. I want her to know that she doesn’t have to watch over her shoulder and that her ice time is her own to use as she sees fit.

That’s the good parent side of me. The lousy parent secretly waits for one of my friends to either reassure me that Ice Girl is using her time well or give me a nudge that she’s spending a ton of time skating aimlessly instead of running through her program.

Twenty questions. This is the method I prefer to use instead of sneaking around. I like Ice Girl to tell me what she worked on, what went well and what didn’t. Believe it or not, it’s pretty hard to make stuff up when someone asks a specific question about your behavior. If you’ve interviewed for a job recently or have been part of an interview team, you’ll recognize this as beahvior-based questioning. Instead of asking Ice Girl: How many times did you run through your program, I ask her a behavior-based question. Tell me about what went well when you practiced your program today. Tell me about what didn’t go well. It’s a lot harder to invent stuff on the spot and I’m pretty likely to get an idea of what went on.

Is it foolproof? Nope. It’s really not meant to be, either. My intention, when I have my good parent hat on, is to show interest in Ice Girl’s skating, to have her reflect on her training and articulate what she might want to do tomorrow, It’s also supposed to calm the voices in my head that chant: You need a closed-circuit camera set up in the Lutz corner.

I’m never going to have an accurate picture of what happened at summer practice. Ice Girl is never going to have a flawless practice where she works the entire hour nonstop. I am never going to stop being cheap and wondering if I’m throwing my money away. However, asking 20 questions seems better than turning into Big Brother, so that’s what I’m going with for now.

At least until I can find one of those cameras on sale.

What about you? Do the hours of unsupervised ice time drive you insane with doubt? Do you have a spy network? Do you hold your skater accountable or just let her do her own thing? Please tell me I’m not the only mom who struggles with wanting to trust her kid while browsing eBay for deals on a surveillance camera.

Do you have a question for Ice Mom or the Advisory Board? Do you have an idea for a post you’d like to see? Would you like to write a guest post? Are you a figure skating expert and want to appear on the Wednesday Ask the Expert feature? Terrific! Send me an e-mail: icemom.diane@gmail.com

Brian Boitano

Have you heard? Brian Boitano, the 1988 Olympic Gold Medalist , will be my guest on Ask the Expert on June 30. He has a show on Food Network called What Would Brian Boitano Make? I’ve invited him to answer reader questions about what foods skaters can take to the rink and what they can eat before competition. Please send your questions for Boitano in advance – deadline is June 16. E-mail Ice Mom at icemom.diane@gmail.com.

Annely from Germany

The Forte International Exchange Association German figure skating exchange student is again looking for a home with a figure skating family. Annely is a 16-year-old non-smoking figure skater from Berlin who isn’t choosy about where she is in the U.S., except that she’d like to continue her figure skating training. Annely has studied six years of English and some French. At home in Berlin, she has an older and younger sister as well as pets, so she’s no stranger to kids and dogs. If you’re interested, e-mail me and I’ll send you her profile and student essay: icemom.diane@gmail.com

Photo Credits:
007: ansik on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Secret Agent: northpolemama on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Surveillance Camera: nolifebeforecoffee on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Brian Boitano’s photo is courtesy of Food Network. Used with permission.
Annely’s photo comes from Forte International Exchange Association. Used with permission.

Jozet at Halushki

I agree with so much of this! Yes, my skater works hard, but yes, she's just a kid and might goof off. She needs breaks that might not make immediate sense to me. She might be “listening” to her body telling her to take it a bit easier when it looks more like dollars signs ticking away.

One thing I add to “all of the above” is to make up a schedule. My skater does really well with checklists and charts. A schedule that says ” 7:00 AM – Arrive and socialize, 7:15 AM – stretch, 7:30 – Skate – warm up” etc, with built-in breaks really helps.

I also had a quick, friendly chat with one or two of the coaches (other than my skater's coach) at the rink letting them know that my skater would be on her own some mornings, and that although she is a great kid (or I wouldn't trust her in the first place), if anything she does (hanging out on ice, “meandering”, etc.) is interrupting their coaching time, to not hesitate to tell me. This is a bit different than other parents reporting, I think. I told the coaches that I didn't expect them to babysit, but to let them know that if my kiddo was ever hinting at being disruptive, I was very open to hearing about it.

All of the coaches were very understanding and seemed happy to hear that I wasn't just dumping off my skater willy-nilly. A few told me that one of the reasons they coach is because, of course, they love working with kids and getting them from whipper-snapper to young adulthood. They are all very nurturing as needed or firm and no nonsense as needed. And if I say to my skater, “Miss D told me that she noticed you were working very hard today! Good job!”, my skater gets the message in a positive way that what she is doing on the ice is being…not spied on…maybe just noticed?

Now, I know this can't or shouldn't be an expectation for other coaches – or parents – to do this, but if a rink has a similar “family” feel to it, just a friendly chat like this could be another way to let your skater know that s/he is not skating in a vacuum. And I think it's actually comforting for younger kids to know that there are other adults around who are not totally oblivious, if that makes sense. Any kid who's had a bad fall must wonder “who will notice, what will happen if I get hurt and a parent isn't right here?” I think just letting your kiddo know in a positive way that they are “being watched” has it's place.
synchmomto2

A Russian coach who has a keen interest in JumpingBean's move to Juvenile this year- that is my spy. I cannot imagine JumpingBean being MIA from the ice, chatting or retying to often and getting away with it.
Sk8nln

My dd also has a schedule to follow. At 9 she just does not always know what to do with herself when she has her practice ice. So her coach has given her a good outline and that helps. Throughout the past year she has matured and the schedule is not a rigid so she can learn to have more self direction.

I will have to use IceMom's questioning techniques. I used something similar about school questions this year. Most people ask “What did you do today?” and we all get “nothing”. So instead everyday I asked, “What did you learn to today you want to know more about?” What a change in responses so I am guessing it will work with her practices.
invisiblesk8r129A

I think the schedule is a good idea. I know a coach at our rink gives skaters a weekly “checklist.” They have to land so many jumps, practice so many spins, and go through their footwork a certain number of times every week, but they only get to check things off if they do it right. That way, if it is a bad jump day you can focus on doing your spins, or if it is crowded you can work on the footwork. It tends to work well for the the older skaters because it is not such a rigid schedule, and then the younger kids want to be like the older kids, so they get into checking stuff off as well. It is also good for them to see their own improvement. They might not meet the goal when they start a new jump or spin, but after a few weeks (or months…) they can see that they are landing all of the jumps on the checklist. It could be very good for summer because it is easy to see how much and what got accomplished every day, and easy to see progress over the summer months.
synchmomto2

I too find that just this year, at 9, she is getting better at being productive about her practice time. We are fortunate in that teaching her to use her time wisely is a priority for her coaches too, they are always there (even when it isn't her lesson time) and do informally coach her pretty much all the time. I have seen a big improvement in her ability to stay productive in the past several months under their guidance. Her old coach really didn't do that sort of thing.
Bea

My parents know I'm working because I nag and whine about the few hours of ice time I get that they know I'm not stepping off the ice until the coaches physically have to drag me off and my parents don't bother watching me anyway, even in school time so they don't usually worry about the practice I do in the summer either. I usually have to pay for my practice ice and so I know if I was just chatting all the time, it would be my money I'm wasting and also the time I could be spending nailing these jumps. Paying for my own practice gives me responsibility and I make sure I get my moneys worth every time because I could be spending that £7 going to the cinema, or saving up to buying new clothes or makeup but I choose to spend it on skating. To me, buying ice time and not using it is like buying a new dress and then not wearing it- a waste of money.

Also, ice mom- you forgot to email me back. I'm sure you're busy so its no big deal or anything, I just wanted to remind you
MaggieJ

Our “spy” network is more involved than just informing on skaters that are holding up the boards at the end of the ice. There is a group of moms at our rink that has given each other permission to remind each others skaters that it's time to skate and not time for excessive socializing. We're not ogres – a few minutes of talking is allowed each session. These girls are currently between 8 & 11 and hopefully, as the girls get older, the need for this will decrease.
SuperSkater

Another good topic Ice Mom! That part about the camera in the Lutz corner cracked me up! :~D Talking to friends/skating aimlessly in circles, etc are all pet peeves of mine. When my daughter was younger she had a great work ethic, I never really had to be concerned that she was standing around chatting – from the ages of 7 to 12 this was never really an issue. At about 11 or 12 the social/chatty teen thing kicked in. At most freestyles she's fine but if some of her closer friends are there…. well…. she has learned that I do not tolerate any chatting at $8 an hour & she knows that on the days I cannot stay & watch that her coach and/or the other parents would “tell on her” so to speak. Most of the time I can stay & watch – not just to be there to stop her from chatting but because I genuinely do like to watch figure skating, even the other kids, my eyes are not glued to my daughter the whole hour & I usually have a magazine/laptop/etc. Just today I was in trouble because I missed seeing a nice double lutz because I was chatting with another mom. :~) This is a problem at our rink though, many of the girls whose parents are not there spend a lot of time talking, are on & off the ice a lot, etc. The girls who are working hard really resent these girls, they are just in the way! My daughter's coach used to give her a list of things to practice when she was younger, that is a good idea. At 14 she is much lazier than she was at 8 or 9 but still works fairly hard. We have learned that skating 2 hours in a row is not always worth the money though, my daughter would waste most of the second hour skating in circles because the second hour was so much more crowded & because she would start running out of things to do & energy to do them! I wish our rink had something where you could pay by the half hour, an hour and a half practice would be perfect, but 2 hours is a little long & I'm a cheapskate like Ice Mom, so we usually stick with one hour. I have also warned my daughter that if she is caught talking to friends on the ice that perhaps she could just do public sessions for a week where I don't mind if she chats. ;~) (At our rink you can't do hardly anything during a public session, so that would be like purgetory for her!) And she is aware that as soon as she has a real job (other than an occasional babysitting gig) that she will be paying for her own freestyle time – I always tell her she can talk as much as she wants when she starts paying for it herself! :~)
Jozet at Halushki

It’s worked well for my daughter…she can be a bit scattered at time with a lot of things, so we use a lot of checklists.

Another idea I borrowed from another parent (from here? I can’t remember) is the folder my daughter uses. I got a stack of 3×5 cards, and at the top of each one, I created a title of a specific jump, spin, or spiral, or move. Under the title on each card, me, my daughter and her coach all write reminders (“point your toe” or “hold right arm back”) or other ideas (“invent a new sit spin position” or “see how long you can hold your jump landing”).

The folder has two pockets. All the cards go in one pocket. My skater takes out a card from the “To DO” pocket, practices what it says, and then puts that card in the “Did It” pocket. This has really helped with those “what should I do next?” days. If she’s not working on anything else (program, test, etc.), she can get through the entire folder in 3 or 4 practice sessions. It also makes sure that she’s remembering to practice an Ina Bauer every once in a while or at least attempt some of the new footwork that’s been frustrating her.

It’s worked really well, and I wish I could remember who gave me this idea so I could thank them!
Jozet at Halushki

It's worked well for my daughter…she can be a bit scattered at time with a lot of things, so we use a lot of checklists.

Another idea I borrowed from another parent (from here? I can't remember) is the folder my daughter uses. I got a stack of 3×5 cards, and at the top of each one, I created a title of a specific jump, spin, or spiral, or move. Under the title on each card, me, my daughter and her coach all write reminders (“point your toe” or “hold right arm back”) or other ideas (“invent a new sit spin position” or “see how long you can hold your jump landing”).

The folder has two pockets. All the cards go in one pocket. My skater takes out a card from the “To DO” pocket, practices what it says, and then puts that card in the “Did It” pocket. This has really helped with those “what should I do next?” days. If she's not working on anything else (program, test, etc.), she can get through the entire folder in 3 or 4 practice sessions. It also makes sure that she's remembering to practice an Ina Bauer every once in a while or at least attempt some of the new footwork that's been frustrating her.

It's worked really well, and I wish I could remember who gave me this idea so I could thank them!
Anonymous

That is a great idea, though I have to say, I could see jumpingbean avoiding the cards of the things she doesn’t FEEL like doing anyway- LOL
synchmomto2

That is a great idea, though I have to say, I could see jumpingbean avoiding the cards of the things she doesn't FEEL like doing anyway- LOL
Jozet at Halushki

lol…yes…that can happen sometimes. I hate to resort to tricks to get her to do the things she’s not as fond of, but maybe even something as simple as putting sticker on the card to see progress, etc. But I think we’re in the same boat on some things. As long as there is a jump to practice, my daughter is going to turn up her nose at one or two un-favorite think she also needs to to. All part of the process, I’m sure. I have to think back to what I was like at 11 years old and then I get impressed again at just how much discipline these kids do actually have.
Jozet at Halushki

lol…yes…that can happen sometimes. I hate to resort to tricks to get her to do the things she's not as fond of, but maybe even something as simple as putting sticker on the card to see progress, etc. But I think we're in the same boat on some things. As long as there is a jump to practice, my daughter is going to turn up her nose at one or two un-favorite think she also needs to to. All part of the process, I'm sure. I have to think back to what I was like at 11 years old and then I get impressed again at just how much discipline these kids do actually have.