Commandment Five: Acknowledge Your Figure Skater’s Fears

V. Thou shalt acknowledge thy child’s fears. A first competition (or every competition) can be a stressful situation. It is totally appropriate for your child to be anxious. Don’t yell or belittle, just assure your child they are ready for it.

- Professional Skaters Association’s Ten Commandments for Parents

This is the fifth installment in my series where I look at each of the Professional Skaters Association’s Ten Commandments for Parents and see if I agree with it, how much I violate it, and vow to be a better rink citizen.

The PSA, or the Professional Skaters Association, is the governing body for figure skating coaching in the United States. Their site (just redone) is really for coaches, but it does contain a small amount of parent information. In addition to the document about how to switch coaches, you can find the PSA’s Ten Commandments for Parents.

Other commandments in this IceMom.net series: I / II / III / IV / V / VI / VII / VIII / IX / X

This commandment seems an awful lot like last week’s commandment #4, Thou shalt only have positive things to say at a competition, which was similar to commandment #2, Thou shalt be supportive no matter what. If we need three commandments for parents to be nice to their kids, I think we must have an awful lot of Ice Trolls out there.

What this commandment adds that the other two don’t have is the belittle part. In other words, don’t blow off your figure skater when he says he’s nervous. Acknowledge the fear.

It reminds me of my pediatrician back in the day. I’d be breaking into a cold sweat about an injection he was about to give me and the insensitive jerk would say, “This won’t hurt me a bit.”

Who says that to a seven-year old? I never forgave him…

Anyway, for me to reveal my rink sins, I need to expand on this commandment. My commandment would say: Don’t yell or belittle, just assure your child she is* ready for it. And Ice Mom? Don’t magnify your child’s fears, either.

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IceMom.net: Commandment Five: Acknowledge Your Figure Skater’s Fears

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That’s really my problem. In my zeal to comfort my child, I’m more of a liability than an asset. Ice Girl is freaking out and I rub her back and coo. It’s O.K., baby. You’ll be fine. It sounds good, but really, it winds her up. I think I mirror her worry and magnify it by trying to soothe her. Really, what she needs is Ice Coach.

Ice Coach does this upbeat kind of thing that comes off as happy and confident rather than fake-y and syrupy. It’s just what Ice Girl needs: energy. She doesn’t need Mama petting her head and commiserating with her. She needs Mama in the stands.

So, that’s how we run it. I do hair, say I love you, and head for the hills where I can do as little damage as possible.

*My commandment would have pronoun-antecedent agreement, too. Just an FYI, PSA.

Well? Am I the only guilty party here? Do you belittle your figure skater’s fears or do you magnify them, like I do? Have any horror stories from the locker room? Any lessons learned about fear and anxiety? Please share them in the comments!

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Do you have a question for Ice Mom or the Advisory Board? Do you have an idea for a post you’d like to read? Better yet, do you have a post you’d like to write? Awesome! E-mail me at IceMom.Diane@gmail.com

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Photo Credits:
Building Fake Miniature Kite Aerial Helsinki: timonoko / Timo Noko on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Looking For Clues (188 / 365): somegeekintn / Casey Fleser on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Here’s looking at you: vagawi on Flickr.com Creative Commons
not quite clear on the concept: woodleywonderworks / woodley wonderworks on Flickr.com Creative Commons