Do You Talk about Money with Your Figure Skater?

We talk about it from time to time. The most effective conversation we ever had on the subject was last year when my daughter needed new boots, stepping up from your basic entry-level “boot and blade together” figure skates to the first pair where the boot and blade were separate (and separately priced!). She was there with me listening in as the skate fitter ran thorugh the options and prices, and we made our selection, etc. Then on the way home, I asked my skater if she needed to stop at the dance shop where we get her favorite tights, and she said, unprompted: “Um, mom, I think you’ve spent enough on my skating today, so we shouldn’t spend the money on new tights. I had no idea skates were so expensive.” And I had not groused ONE BIT about the price of the skates…her reaction was all her own, and therefore that much more effective!

To a degree she can understand yes I do. My kids isn’t quite 10, and she is a pretty hard worker and generally appreciative of her ice time, our driving etc. but I do once in a while let her know for example that dad has to work 2 hours to pay for one of her 30 minute lessons. It gives her perspective which I do think is important.

Yes, I think it is perfectly acceptable to have a discussion with your skater about the costs, time commitments, etc of skating especially when they reach the double – digits, say 10 and up. At this point they are probably beginning to learn about the economy, current events, and money management in school so it is a topic they can understand. They are also able to make comparisons such as the cost of soccer vs. skating, or dance class, or any other extra – curricular activity. Of course, parents must be reasonable and make sure the discussion is age-appropriate and I agree that we should be wise with our choice of words so as not to add extra stress or pressure to the kid. If the parents have agreed to be supportive of the sport and all that it entails then I certainly don’t won’t my skater worried or feeling guilty if he doesn’t win.

I stepped out of the “I’m spending so much” box and started to look at this as paying for an education.

My sister’s son was voted “most intelligent” in his senior class, went to college, fooled around for 7 years, kept his mom in suspense until exams were over that last semester (and she was sure he passed and she could mail the graduation invitations), and now is a 27 year old living in his parent’s basement. Was that worth going into debt over? He’s a “college graduate” and can’t get a job.

The way I see it Figure Skating is an educational expense. If she gets to the level that she can coach – she won’t end up back living in my basement. I am paying for a job skill. At the very least she can earn a living teaching Basic Skills classes or coaching private students part time. She is networking among wonderful people to have as contacts all over the country. I am paying for an incredible life skills education. When you look at it that way your perspective swings around and becomes very different about what you are paying.

There are people paying $40,000 a year to send their kid to college. So you spend $30,000 a year for figure skating. It’s an investment even if she never goes to the Olympics. That’s how I look at it.

Many will likely disagree with me, but my daughter is only 7 and we’ve had the money discussion.

Now before anyone jumps in to disagree with the burden I’m putting on my child, I feel I should mention that my husband and I have had the money discussion with both of our children (my son is many times and not just about their activities.

My husband and I believe in trying to live as debt-free as possible. We’ll finance the really big things, like cars or a home, but we do not have credit cards and we save up for all of our other ‘major’ purchases.

Once the kids entered school and started getting invites to other friends houses, the inevitable question came up. How come we don’t have a house? (A perfect storm of cirmcumstances forced us into having 2 nice new vehicles, with 2 nice new vehicle payments). We sat down with our kids and had a discussion about how much things cost and that most families only have a finite amount of money to work with. And that our choice was to wait on looking for a house until we paid off the cars. AND that by doing that, we could still have money available to pay for any activities (skating, soccer, swimming, etc, etc, etc) that they wanted to participate in, which we both felt was important.

Also, in communicating with them that putting the money out for these activities is something that we are foregoing something else in order to be able to provide, they both seem to better understand why we want to see them put forth effort when they are participating. I’ve famously said (at least I’m famous for saying this in my house), that I don’t care if they finish 1st or last (or make 10 goals or none), as long as they are trying their best, I am happy.

I think I was always old enough to be aware how much skating cost, but I never really got the talk from my parents. Maybe because I always worked hard at it, they never felt the need to sit down and talk about it. I mean, I have calculated out the costs (ironically I was close on the total, but I didn’t realize that gas money was the #2 expense – beating out hotel costs and fees for rink time!). I did sometimes get the “Would you rather have…” question (you know, an extra gross or rhinestones or fancy shoes sort of thing) where I would take the skating option, but now I am trying to pay for some of my own skating expenses. I have started making my own costumes and I pay for a lot of the materials for them, although my mom gets sort of obsessed with my costumes and helps out a bit sometimes. I also tend to cover coach fees or entry fees for competitions, although my mom will pay for tests, and I pay for some of the equipment. But yes, I think it is important for the skater to understand how much money and effort goes into giving them the opportunity to skate.

Not only did I talk about it with my kids, I talk about it with my students and with their parents. I think it is very important that kids understand the concept of investment– time, money, effort. I explain to the kids that they expend the effort, I expend the time, and their parents expend the money. For it to work, everyone has to chip in, and if one person lets the equation fall apart, the other two people are getting gypped. If I have a student who just will not work at or respect the lessons, I will have this talk with the parents, that they need to rethink the value of lessons, and maybe come to public skating, on their own, 3-4 times a week, rather than doing 1 lesson, for approximately the same cost. I don’t go out of my way to bring up money, but it is part of the reality of figure skating that kids need to be aware of.

Yes, we do talk money sometimes. We didn’t when she was little…. I guess it started when she was about 10 – 12. I have mostly only brought it up when she was starting to do the “lazy teen” thing – trying to get her to understand & appreciate the money that is spent. Like Eliza I do kind of look at it as paying for an education – my daughter would like to coach – although we do not assume that she will get a job as a coach, in our area the skating program enrollments have decreased with the recession. I would say there is maybe a 70% chance that she will coach. Recently she was asked to apply in about a year to work at our home rink by the skating director – and not every high level skater is asked so that is a little exciting. I think is is important to have a balance – talking about money too much can stress kids out – I have occasionally been guilty of this! But I do think kids should appreciate the money that is spent too. We have told our 14 year old daughter that she will be expected to pay for her ice time and possibly lesson time too when she is 16 and has a job. (At least a job that pays more than her current occasional babysitting ones now…) The good part is that if she ends up working at our rink her ice time will be free. :~) I’m sure we will still pay for most of the big things like competitions & testing, costumes, tights, etc. She’s aware that Grandma bought her last pair of boots too!

I was an Ice Girl of the 70s. My mom was (and still is) pretty cheap. Because of that I was able to do a lot more. 2nd hand skates through Senior level. Ice time was always scrutinized so we weren’t over doing (and over spending). At Christmas I didn’t get many presents (my brother did, because he wasn’t involved in an expensive hobby like I was) because there was a competition 2 states over right around New Year’s that I would go to often. We turned it into a family vacation. I actually felt proud when I saw that I didn’t get presents for Christmas, because it meant I was sacrificing too.

It created a healthy amount of guilt about the money that was spent on me. And because my parents told me, I could quit at any time, that only made me want to skate more and see it out … and then I turned pro and started earning my own money. Quitting mid-way as a teen would have felt like I wasted all the previous money spent on me.

That healthy amount of guilt turned me into a cheapskate, which served me well when skating in various ice shows that barely covered the rent. I realized that a lot of skaters in my company were daughters and sons of doctors and lawyers and otherwise rich people that took money for granted. And when those sons and daughters were adults they spent too much.

I’m not sure what age to start talking to your kids about it, but by their teens, I think you have to. My two cents. Which is still pretty cheap these days.

I think what you’re doing Ice Mom is invaluable. You’re telling Ice Girl about the value of money which is something she’ll need until she hits retirement. Also, if Ice Girl sees how much you work and budget for this sport, she’ll be more likely to do the same when she’s the mom. Finances are one instinct we’re not born with, we learn it all through our environment and she’ll be way ahead of the curve knowing the value of money.

My children are only (almost) 9 and 6. I started talking about how much things cost a few years ago. I make my children earn money for chores. Then they have to take part of that money and put it towards savings and the rest goes for presents to themselves and others. I spoke to them about how much they could spend on each gift. They had to look at prices to see how much they would have left. So it’s just natural for me to talk to my children about ice skating. They know how much it averages out to each month for each child. It helps to teach them about the value of money. Unfortunately, I just read some statistics recently that said 90% of the teenagers going to college don’t know how to budget or anything about finances. Guess what? By the time my kids get to school, they will know!

It looks like you and I are on the same track. My children are 8 and 6 and we do the same!

I think its great for parents to talk with their skaters on the price of the sport. Obviously what you say to a six-year-old is different than the talk you’d have with a 14-year-old, but anything you do to help them understand the idea of making choices with finite resources is beneficial to their financial future.

Skating is an expensive sport, but I’ve heard of over-the-top expenditures in many other sports as well. Sometimes I am surprised at how close in cost they all come out to be. Then again, we’re in a park district rink, so its subsidized to some extent.

I have pointed out to my mother that she’s paying for education, but nothing seems to budge her away from “I’m spending so much.” And she spends hardly anything compared to the moms here. It’s 1 public skate, 1 private lesson, 1 group lesson and 1 freestyle per week, and I buy my own skates.

I wish she would realize that a couple thousand a year (I added a couple hours of ice time to my current schedule and it came out to $5330 a year with lessons, ice time and gas) is a small price to pay for my happiness & future job.

Hey, Sierra.

I know it’s tough being a kid and having different values and goals from those of your parents. My recommendation is to do a ton of off-ice work at home to make up for the ice you’re not getting. Save your allowance to purchase PIC skates (and good elbow, knee, and butt pads) and practice outside. I’ll tell you: PIC skates aren’t cheap, but if you can’t get to the ice, they’re useful. Find a clean, smooth tennis court to work on.

I wish you success, Sierra. Show your parents you’re dedicated (I’m sure you do that already) and maybe they’ll come around. In any case, when you’re an adult, you can keep learning. Don’t let age stop you!

For quite a long time, my parents didn’t talk to me about the cost. I was lucky to have parents that had a large disposable income and skating wasn’t really taxing on our family… plus, it wasn’t like I was skating as much as some kids.

Eventually, my parents brought me into the loop and I paid for a lot of my skating expenses as I got older… I think they wanted me to be smart with money, which has worked

However, even when my parents were just writing cheques, it wasn’t like I didn’t know how expensive skating was. Parents, if you think your kids don’t know… there’s rink gossip, other kids, other parents… So it’s not like you’re protecting them from anything. Plus, talking to kids about money is one of the best things you can do to prepare your little DD for the real world. Just get it over with. It’s like ripping off a bandaid! And trust me, having them involved in the expenses will help over the long run, even if you still foot the bill and simply have them help you budget, etc.

My oldest is only 4, but I do tell her that her dad and I have to pay for all of her classes, private lessons, and everything else. She wouldn’t know the difference between $5 and $50, so I don’t specify all the expenses, but I just say that everything costs money that we earn by working (as well as I am spending lots of my time taking her everywhere). So she has to take it all seriously. If she is not serious, we will quit this activity and stay home instead.