Can You Help This Skater? Her Figure Skating Coach Is Disorganized

A figure skater sent me this e-mail about her coach:

I have a question about coaches: my coach is lovely and a really great teacher. I understand when she’s explaining a new jump or spin and I’ve come much further in less time than with my previous coach. The problem is she’s unreliable and tends to forget things. She sometimes forgets to text my mum back if she asks my coach about a practice ice session or upcoming competition; she sometimes forgets to give me info about tests and competitions, but always manages to give it before its too late (so I guess this isn’t too big of a deal). Today she actually forgot I had a lesson booked and didn’t turn up until half way through, apologising profusely. She said she forgot which day it was and that she was really really really sorry. She made up the half an hour of the lesson that she hadn’t come for and I got the amount of coaching that my parents had paid for. She’s never forgotten a lesson before, but you catch my drift, she’s hardly the most organised person I know.

I really like her as a coach and as a person but her disorganization is annoying. I don’t personally think that its a reason to get a different coach (especially as she is the nicest and best coach by far at my rink) but I just don’t know what to do about it because it is inconvenient and can be irritating. I just wondered if you had any advice on what to do.

Full disclosure time: I spaced out on this writer’s e-mail. I hadn’t responded to this her for a week. *shame* When I read this e-mail last night, I was reminded of my own recent gaffe. I took Ice Girl to the clinic for a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday. I was early. Like two weeks early. The receptionist looked at me like I was nuts. She tried to be helpful and give me a reminder card for the October appointment, but I told her I’d rather just surprise her.

When I recounted my clinic visit to my friend at work, she said that I made the mistake because I have so much going on. I work full time, show up at different rinks in the early morning and at night, attend board meetings, and write this blog. She said it’s a wonder that I don’t flake out more often. (By the way, this makes me think of a joke I love: Q: Why don’t elephants ever forget? A: They have nothing to remember.)

I’m going to give this coach the benefit of the doubt: maybe she’s just too busy to keep track of details. Then again, maybe she’s a flake. Either way, I think I’d keep the coach.

For my real job, I’m an education writer, so I read way too much about teaching and learning. One of my favorite cognitive psychology studies is about teacher effectiveness. The most important factor in teacher effectiveness is the personal connection between the teacher and the student. It’s more important than the teacher’s skill/knowledge, organization, and feedback.

Of course, the ideal teacher has skills, knowledge, organization, and gives students feedback. But, without that personal connection, the student isn’t motivated to learn. Nothing happens without student motivation. It sounds to me like the coach and the figure skater have made that personal connection. The student clearly likes the teacher and admires her teaching skills.

My advice is to keep the coach. That kind of positive personal connection is valuable. If you want a reliable schedule, draft one and send it to her. If you want to make sure she remembers something, text her the night before. If you’re worried about missing test sessions and competitions, make it a point to ask her about them once a week.

Yeah, it’s not the best situation, but you’ll get the organization you crave and keep a coach you admire and who helps you be successful.

What do you think, parents? Would this kind of coach make you pull out your hair or would you train her to be more organized? Would you stay with her while keeping one eye open for a coach who was a better fit for both your skater and your schedule? Keep an eye out for me, too, while you’re at it. I could use the extra help!

Do you have a question for Ice Mom or the Advisory Board? Send it to me. I’ll try not to flake out and bury it in my InBox. Do you have a suggestion for a blog post? Terrific! Take a chance and e-mail me that, too! You can reach me at IceMom.Diane@gmail.com. I promise I’ll respond. Really. If I forget, send me a reminder. I take all the help I can get!

Photo credits:
African Elephants in Kenya: Doede Boomsma on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Big 5 – Elephant: TheLizardQueen/ Caitlin on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Addo Elephant Park, South Africa: exfordy / Brian Snelson on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Phuket Elephant on the Beach: John Lindie on Flickr.com Creative Commons

Lynne

If you really like the coach, then you’ll have to deal with her disorganization. That’s either just the way she is, or she’s stretched so thin that she can’t keep everything together. I know I’ve occasionally shown up early or late for some of my sons’ activities, especially those that change time/day on a weekly basis. So far you haven’t missed a test session or a competition, and she made up the lesson time that she was late for. Yes it’s frustrating, but you can become more proactive in finding out about test sessions and competitions as the information is usually posted on-line. Or when you know that you’re going to test soon, you may have to ask your coach about test sessions on a regular basis. Also, your mom might have to talk with your coach in person, or call instead of texting when she needs feedback. Sure it can be irritating, but you like her as a coach and that’s the most important thing.
mimi

It all comes down to how much you can take. We switched piano teachers because I could not take the disorganization.
Jozet

Keep approaching her proactively and with a positive note in your voice. Tell her that you know that she has a lot going on in her life and that you know you are one of many students and that skating is one of her many responsibilities and that you want to find the best way possible to keep in touch. The problem could be as simple as her not using texting as much as she uses email or even just the phone. Make sure you’re trying to get to her via the communication method she uses most.

(For example, I am a scatterbrain. If I don’t get a message on email, it doesn’t exist. If I take a message on the phone and write it on a slip of paper, that slip of paper gets sucked into rifts in the time-space fabric and is lost. You can text me, but usually I’ve forgotten to charge my phone. So, email is best.)

Maybe set up a monthly meeting to talk about the coming month’s lessons and goals.

Yes, offer to call her the day of as a reminder. We do this early mornings with our coach after both my coach and my daughter had mornings of alarms not going off. It’s one thing to show up at the rink at 3:00 in the afternoon and someone forgot about a lesson; it’s another thing to forget at 5:30 AM. We’ve been guilty of this just as often as coach, and I’m an organizational maniac. Really.

Weeks where there are work/school holidays are very easy to mix up. One day off work or school, and I’m always convinced the next day is Monday. On those weeks, give each other an extra reminder. It doesn’t have to be, “Hey, don’t space out again” but “Hey, today’s Tuesday and I’m just checking that we’re still on for Thursday afternoon because of the holiday on Monday.”

As far as competitions and test schedules, I put together my own Google Calendar and list them all as I find them. Most clubs will list them on their web sites. Here, the USFSA lists all upcoming competitions. At the beginning of the new year, I make a master calendar of competition dates based upon last year so I can see about when each club holds their yearly competition (you can narrow down the month and sometimes the expected weekend.)

Then I continue to look at the USFSA site or the club website to update my calendar (and registration due dates) as this year’s competition dates are announced.
Jozet

btw, I’m an organizational maniac because I am a such a scatterbrain. If I don’t run my house with the with charts, checklists, back up alarms, and the precision of a drill sergeant, all hope is lost.
Anonymous

I am an email person as well. If I get an email I can respond right away, even if I am at work (shhhh). If I get a voicemail, and dont make a point to call the person back right away I tend to listen to it and forget about it.
Anonymous

Our family loves my IceBoy’s coach. He is perfect for MIB’s temperament, is an excellent teacher with good perspective etc etc. On the other hand, he’s not the best with the details other than in competition or in training. I have made it a point to be educated on what competitions are coming up, what tests need to be done (ie I know the next step, if IceBoy is skating Novice next year, I’ll know what test he needs to complete by what date to be eligible) BTW, he’s not moving up LOL. When we go to competitions, I make sure all the paper work is in, make copies of schedules or check in with IC to to make sure he has the schedule. He’s really good about everything around skating, so once we get registered etc he’s up on it. But it’s just the little things that are my responsibility.

For lessons, we have a set schedule. That works best, same time-same place every week. It makes for a more stress free experience.

The late shows or no shows usually happen when he takes IB at a different time for scheduling reasons. Or says that he’ll see him a little more this week. We have learned to live with it. I have to say that I am guilty of no shows once in a while too.

I keep my ears open for exhibition opportunities and things like that, then when I hear of something, I’ll bring it up to IceCoach. How about getting the programs ready for competition… I ask to gather information…Hmm, it’s April, the first competition is in May, how are the programs coming? (hint hint)

Actually, it’s not that bad. But coaches, like ourselves are only human. You miss a lesson once in a while, I miss a lesson once in a while. It’s okay. For me, missing a lesson is a wake up call to get my act together. Maybe it will serve as one for your coach too. She’s probably way too busy like other commentors have said. I KNOW I am.

Learn to call, or text and I would encourage you to make a set schedule. Nothing cures disorganization like routine…
Good luck!
Anonymous

I notice many coaches using calenders and organizers, some can keep their schedule it in their heads. Our coach goes by memory and I wonder how he does it, I’m also waiting for a slip up. It’s like the waiter who doesn’t write down the orders for a table of 8, neat trick if you can pull it off… but forget about your tip if you make a mistake. I have a 2010 Dayminder that goes with me everywhere, I write everything into it. Maybe this would be the perfect gift for your coach?
Anonymous

It can be hard to deal with disorganized coaches, especially when they are the ones you should be going to for advice. However, it sounds like this is a really great coach otherwise, so I don’t think you should think about switching coaches yet. If things get really bad it is always a possibility, but right now it still sounds like she is committed to your skating and will do make-up lessons, etc. to deal with her mistakes. These sorts of things happen to everyone (maybe some more than others) but at least your coach is aware enough to try to correct the mistakes.

In terms of knowing schedules, is it possible to contact the rink to find out if there is a practice session? They should have someone staffing the phone/office, so even if your coach is unavailable you can at least skate practice. Also, my rink tries to post weekly practice schedules (my rink gets a lot of private parties, so the practice times tend to shift weekly) so maybe there is some master rink schedule you could find and refer to, so at least you know when and where you are going. You could make your own calendar and mark where lessons, tests, and competitions are supposed to be.

As far as finding out about tests/competitions, I don’t know how other rinks handle this, but at my rink certain coaches are in charge of organizing certain events. There is one coach who handles all of the competition registration, fees, etc. and fills out the paperwork, so you have to make sure she knows you want to go. Another coach handles preparing for test centers (finding judges, preparing the paperwork and all of that), so if you talk to him you are good to go. I mean, you should always talk to your coach before you sign up (“Do you think I should do this competition/test? What event should I skate? Am I ready for this?”) that way she is aware of what is going on and maybe you can even start preparing for the event sooner if she is aware that it is a goal you want to focus on. But maybe there are other people you can ask about upcoming events. Our local area has it’s own website that lists all of the dates for local, regional/qualifying, national, and world events (lots of world class level skaters here…), as well as some of the more important/popular invitational events. The guy who runs it does the tabulating at local meets, so he puts up all the results and scores on the website too, which is pretty cool. It doesn’t list test centers, though. Most of our events are also listed on the national website, so that is another place to look. I don’t know how many areas have something like this, but it makes it very easy to keep track of when things are coming up. If this isn’t an option, maybe you can find someone who does know when everything will be and get a master list from them.

Having a disorganized coach can be a frustrating situation, but it shouldn’t have to be a deal breaker. There should be many ways to get the information you are looking for, you just have to find them. It means a little more leg work for you, but other than the occasional missed lesson (which happens to everyone) finding other sources of information should allow you to be the responsible one and have the organization you want, while still keeping the student/coach relationship that is best for your skating.
Silver Blades

As one who suffers from memory loss issues I feel for the coach and the people that have to deal with the fallout. It isn’t a matter of organization but some things help like carrying around and using a good planner. But the thing you have to realize is that you can’t change other people. No one can fix my memory. I try my best with my planner but I have both missed appointments and shown up days/weeks early for appointments. As I tell everyone “I can’t remember what I’ve forgotten”. BTW, this all started after hitting my head falling on backward crossovers. Bummer.
Erica

My coach picks me up for my lesson, so I usually text her the day before to check what time, as it depends whether she has a lesson before me or not.

My friend coaches and has everything written down in a planner. She doesn’t have the best memory, so would be lost without it lol! Hmmm, maybe I shall steal it next time I’m there and watch the chaos unfold…

Personally, I really need to know what I’m doing and when. On the other hand, I have a friend who’s coach is like the one described here, but my friend is quite laid back and copes fine with it. I think I would find myself stressing about it and harrassing the poor woman about my lessons and stuff lol!

I think it is personality, and comes down to how much you/your parents can take of the lack of organisation. However, she sounds like a really good coach, who you get along with and get a lot out of your lessons with, so unless it becomes unbearable, I would stick with it.