Commandment Ten: Don’t Expect Your Figure Skater to be an Olympian

X. Thou shalt not expect thy child to become an Olympian. There are more than 100,000 skaters registered with ISI and US Figure Skating. The odds of your child making the Olympic team are less than one in 33,000. Figure Skating is much more than just the Olympics. Ask your coach why he coaches. Chances are he or she was not an Olympic skater but still got enough out of skating that they want to pass that love for the sport on to others. Figure Skating teaches self-discipline and sportsmanship. It builds self-esteem and fitness.

It provides lifelong friendships and much more. Figure Skating builds good people and you should be happy that your child wants to participate.

Professional Skaters Association’s Ten Commandments for Parents

This is the final installment in my series where I look at each of the Professional Skaters Association’s Ten Commandments for Parents and see if I agree with it, how much I violate it, and vow to be a better rink citizen.

The PSA, or the Professional Skaters Association, is the governing body for figure skating coaching in the United States. Their site (just redone) is really for coaches, but it does contain a small amount of parent information. In addition to the document about how to switch coaches, you can find the PSA’s Ten Commandments for Parents.

Other commandments in this IceMom.net series: I / II / III / IV / V / VI / VII / VIII / IX / X

I don’t think there’s a parent at the rink who didn’t imagine her figure skater competing at the Olympics at some point. I really think it’s normal to see your darling win a medal at a Basic Skills Competition and then start to envision her wearing an Olympic jacket while the national anthem plays in the background.

But the reality is: very, very few athletes compete in figure skating at the Olympics.

Let’s look a the numbers. If your country does well in international events, your country can earn up to three spots in any figure skating discipline. So, that’s three women for singles, three men for singles, three partners for pairs (6), and three partners for dance (6). The maximum number of skaters your country can send to the Olympics is 18 every four years.

Today on Rinkformation:

IceCoach.net: Should my Figure Skating Moves in the Field Level Equal my Freestyle Level?

SynchroMom.net: Can You Help This Mom? Synchro Rep’s Daughter Is the Troublemaker

IceMom.net: Commandment Ten: Don’t Expect Your Figure Skater to be an Olympian

Imagine if we had an Olympics for music. Every four years, our country would select three women, three men, and six bands to listen to until the next cycle. Can you imagine picking just three women or three men whom you enjoy listening to?

Now, let’s think about American football. There’s a kid in my town who just graduated from high school and will play football for a Big 10 University team. He owns our town. How many guys play for college teams nationwide? I don’t know, but the number is way more than 18. A professional football team has 50-some players and you know how much those athletes are celebrated.

Even so, you wouldn’t think of approaching a parent of a varsity high school football player and ask about the kid’s plans for the Super Bowl. The parent would think you’re nuts. If the team wins its conference, makes it to the playoffs, or qualifies for State, it’s a huge deal. The Super Bowl isn’t the only football-related event we’re aware of, and the chances of going are so remote, so no one brings up

Very talented skaters. Even extremely talented figure skaters don’t always go to the Olympics. Olympic silver medalist Sasha Cohen didn’t make the 2010 Olympic team. ‘Nuff said.

Other worthy goals. Our minds jump to the Olympics because that’s what we’re most familiar with, when it comes to figure skating. Unlike American Football, there isn’t a competition every other weekend in the town’s rink. The whole town doesn’t show up to watch a competition, either. In fact, figure skaters are pretty much unknown in their hometowns; unless they’re on T.V.Figure skating isn’t a school-sponsored sport and the local newspaper doesn’t always print the results from competitions in the paper.

When the football team qualifies for state, but doesn’t win the event, no one questions a football player why he would want to be involved in the sport. Even if the football team has its eighth consecutive losing season, no one asks a player why he would want to play ball if the team isn’t going to qualify for state.

Sports teach kids much more than winning a big game or earning a first-place medal. Sports teach a kid how to win and lose with grace, how to set and achieve goals, and how to work to overcome obstacles.

A blessing and a curse. Ice Girl isn’t on the Olympic path and I’m very grateful. She’s a talented kid, a good kid, a hard worker, and a positive person. I love watching her skate and she works very hard at it. She’s good, but not OMG awesome.

I have friends whose daughter is OMG awesome. Their figure skater is a blessing. She’s a talented, hard working kid who sets lofty goals and achieves them. With her skating résumé, she could walk into the rink like she owns the place, but she doesn’t. You wouldn’t know the caliber of skater she is unless you caught her weaving around the little kids as she makes her way to the corner to do a triple-double-double.

Her parents are terrific, hard-working people. They work hard at their jobs and drive six hours round trip four days a week so their skater can train with top-level coaches. That’s an oil change every other week and lots of sleeping in vehicles.

Is it worth it? Yep. Would I do that for my skater, if she were that level? Yep. Am I glad that’s not my life? OMG. I’m so glad.

Have you ever envisioned your figure skater as an Olympian? C’mon. Share! Is it something you still struggle with or are you, like me, grateful that Olympians are someone else’s children? How did you come to this realization? Please share!

How Will I Know If my Figure Skater Is Recreational or Competitive?
Next Steps in Figure Skating Training
Xan of XanBoni! offers great advice: Suzie’s going to Nationals! I think all she needs to do is skate in 10 ISI competitions, right?

Do you have a question for Ice Mom or the Advisory Board? I have one for this Friday, but I have nothing for October 8. Feel free to send in your dilemmas! If you have an idea for a blog post you’d like to read, please send me an e-mail, too. You can contact me at IceMom.Diane@gmail.com

Photo credits:
Olympics rings Vancouver: adrian8_8 on Flickr.com Creative Commons
olympic rings: striatic / hobvias sudoneighm on Flickr.com Creative Commons
whistler mountain snow sculpture olympic: Tim in Sydney / Tim Gillin on Flickr.com Creative Commons
An oil change and tires: Kevin Dooley on Flickr.com Creative Commons

Jozet

I LOVE the analogies!

Yes, all a lot of people know about skating is the Olympics, as if those skaters just spring forth fully formed from the head of Sonja Henie. There’s a whole lot more that goes into it – years of competitions and practices and second-jobs – and that’s all just to get in the line to get in the line to buy a lottery ticket to the Olympics. I may feel like a nut at times driving in the rain at 5:00 AM to practice ice, but I’m not crazy.

When people ask me, “Oh! So your daughter skates and competes! Maybe someday she’ll go to the Olympics!” my general answer is, “It can cost up to $50,000 a year to train a nationals level skater. I don’t have that many kidneys to sell.” That usually makes people step back a bit. Even if my kid did have triple doo-dads and level 6 whats-its in her repertoire.

It takes money. It takes hard work and dedication over many early mornings and many years of middle school and teen angst. It takes not burning out. It takes not blasting out your hip at age 14 and having your entire career end in one afternoon. Some might say it takes competing in a year when Yu-Na Kim is taking up volleyball instead.

Sure, some precocious ten-year-old somewhere is going to say, “I’m going to the Olympics someday” and that kid will be right. But, he very just as well could have been wrong.

I don’t want to go the opposite direction and dampen enthusiasm or crush dreams by pointing out odds or the luck involved. I’ve seen enough of that kind of hang-dog attitude hold back otherwise talented and dedicated kids just as well. But there is more to skating than an Olympic podium. (I used to say that if you want to get to the Olympics, take up curling, but after last years education on that sport, I can’t be a smarty pants anymore. )
http://twitter.com/PCFclub Allison Scott

There are two sides to the question of expectation. First, there are never any guarantees in life; that being said, there should always be goals. Some goals are realistic and usually achievable, but sometimes one must reach for the moon in order to capture the stars.

Many years ago at a summer competition, the hosting club had a parents and skaters seminar with a judge talking about the steps to the Olympics. This always stuck with me, so I’ll share it for what it’s worth: If you look at the Olympics (something that is an anomaly in sports because it happens every four years) at the top step of your ladder and you focus only on attaining that goal, you are probably going to not pay attention to the steps it takes between, where you are and what it will take to get there. Each step on the way up is fraught with challenges, missed and broken steps. It is like playing Jingo. Get a foothold, pull out the piece and hope to heck that the whole thing doesn’t come tumbling down.

The reality is that one must remain realistic all the way through the process and that reality isn’t what you as the parent wants, but what your skater and coach realistically think can be achieved. In the best of all worlds, 18 skaters go every 4 years. It is an honor to represent your country. The title of Olympian is one that cannot be removed once it is earned, no matter the result. However, it is threading the needle’s eye.

On the way to deciding, look at the broader and more stable steps, too. There is also great honor in competing at Nationals, at the Junior Grand Prix, Senior Grand Prix, Senior B, Junior Worlds and World competitions, as well as at the University games. Ultimately, it is about achieving and being the best you can be and being very, very proud of that accomplishment. If your reality takes you to the rings, that’s wonderful, but it can take you to many other wonderful places along the way. Don’t miss exploring all paths to personal success.
Ann

I started skating at the age of 21. I’ve meet some wonderful friends through skating. Three of my nieces and my daughter have all skated. Of course you dream of having your daughter go for the Olympics. But what I’m hoping that they got out of it is working to achieve a goal (wether it be the axel or back cross overs) Also, going for the Olympics means giving up a lot of things ( not going to regular school or dances or sleep-overs.) You never know if you are going to be good enough.
Jozet

“There is also great honor in competing at Nationals, at the Junior Grand Prix, Senior Grand Prix, Senior B, Junior Worlds and World competitions, as well as at the University games.”

As much as I feel I intuitively know this, I think that as a parent I have to really consciously remind myself to revel in and celebrate each level with my child. I think that there is always that tendency to look at each level as just a step to the next level, and a thoughtless word or even attitude will send the message to my kiddo that really, this competition isn’t good enough. The way we talk to relatives, friends, teachers – our kids are always listening.

I think we need to remember to be our children’s advocates but also ambassadors for skating. If I go to the school and ask for a day off for Regionals and I go in with the attitude that this is a Big Deal and let them know why (years of practice, testing, etc.), then hopefully I can educate a bit and there will be a few more people who celebrate this accomplishment before tempering it by bringing up the Olympics.
Lynne

Sure the idea, as an idea, of my son at the Olympics sounds cool. The reality of trying to get there sounds very, very stressful. The hours upon hours at the rink, the second mortgage, begging my doctor for a prescription for valium.

Yes I would put myself through that if my son had the drive and ability. But I love to watch him skate, and I know he’s in terrific shape. He’s learned perseverance and good time management skills. He’s learning how to deal with stress, because any competition is stressful. It’s a sport he thoroughly enjoys, and he’s reached the level that he now has the option of teaching LTS when he’s old enough to work instead of working at Stop & Shop or McDonalds.
NYsk8erMommy

Okay, so I had to put in a little humor here but the odds are actually pretty good – 1 in 33,000. It’s better than your odds of winning the Lottery. In NY, the odds are 1 in 18,009,460. If you’re in CA, it’s the same. However, in Australia? It’s 1 in 54,979,155. So tell your skaters to keep up the work. They just might become that Olympian. They have a better chance at it. LOL.
SkaterTaxi

Aside from whether or not the Olympics is a realistic goal for any given skater, one of the things I love about skating is the life lessons learned and ultimate reward earned by given to the child who hangs in there year after year. Sometimes it is great to see the years unfold and reveal the “gold at the end of the rainbow.” How about the Juv level competitor who struggles all year, yet continues to get up everyday and plug away at it? Isn’t it wonderful to watch when the next year she enters the competitions as an Intermediate skater and is fantastic!! Yeah, there are the skaters that are top notch all the way through the levels, but those aren’t the ones that put a smile on my face. I love to see and hear about the ones who had challenging periods and worked through them to find reward down the road. Maybe not the ultimate reward of the Olympics, but a confirmation that it isn’t all about talent. Hard work and persistance is certainly a factor.
SkaterTaxi

Aside from whether or not the Olympics is a realistic goal for any given skater, one of the things I love about skating is the life lessons learned and ultimate reward earned by given to the child who hangs in there year after year. Sometimes it is great to see the years unfold and reveal the “gold at the end of the rainbow.” How about the Juv level competitor who struggles all year, yet continues to get up everyday and plug away at it? Isn’t it wonderful to watch when the next year she enters the competitions as an Intermediate skater and is fantastic!! Yeah, there are the skaters that are top notch all the way through the levels, but those aren’t the ones that put a smile on my face. I love to see and hear about the ones who had challenging periods and worked through them to find reward down the road. Maybe not the ultimate reward of the Olympics, but a confirmation that it isn’t all about talent. Hard work and persistance is certainly a factor.
Anonymous

To quote Jozet “Oh! So your daughter skates and competes! Maybe someday she’ll go to the Olympics!” my general answer is, “It can cost up to $50,000 a year to train a nationals level skater. I don’t have that many kidneys to sell.” That usually makes people step back a bit.

Amen Jozet! Amen! I DO really get tired of people thinking my daughter is going to the Oly just because she skates. I LOVE the football analogy, I started using that about 2 years ago – I tell people that thinking my kid is going to the Oly is that same as thinking every kid who plays football will be in the Superbowl and then they get the point! :~) Very few baseball players go to a World Series, very few soccer players make it to the World Cup, etc. You do/play a sport because you love it not because you think you’ll automatically go to the Oly, Superbowl, etc. And VERY few people realize how much it costs to train an Oly level skater – so many things have to come together for a figure skater….
1. Phenominal CONSISTANT Jumps, Spins, Footwork.
2. Great ARTISTRY! (Many parents forget this, it’s NOT all about the jumps…)
3. A LOT of $$$$$!
4. Great Coaches & Choreo, Great Family, support system.
5. Unreal, very rare Work Ethic! (ie most kids want a normal life which is really hard when 80% of your day is training time!)
5. And then, even if you have all that – your skater has to remain fairly injury-free – most all of us have heard of injuries who have ended a promising skater’s career! (We know a skater from our area who had to have knee surgury on BOTH knees at 13!)

There are books out there (written by Christine Brennan) that – if you read them – would make you not really want an Oly type skating career for your child. Those kids go through A LOT. They really do deserve all the $ in endorsements that they end up with! And that’s forgetting about all the kids who go through all that – the training time, the money, the smaller injuries, the travel, etc and still do not ever really “make it” into the big leagues of figure skating – I’m sure any financial guru would not call thinking your kid will make it big in ANY sport a good financial investment!
Anonymous

It is like you read my mind….my daughter’s friends parents suddenly decided this summer she was going to train for the Olympics, keep in mind, at the time, she JUST started skating pre-juv and wasn’t ready yet to pass the pre-juv moves test. I too am all for goals, but what the heck?? These people are actually talking about splitting their family to do this- like I said, the kid is 11 and barely at pre-juv (and no not winning either). This year, my daughters goal was to skate juvenile and well enough to attend regionals. Baby steps….
Anonymous

This is slightly off topic but it seems like the whole Olympic issue is frustrating. When well meaning family and friends find out about my daughter’s skating, there is the obligatory: “are you going to the Olympics?” I cringe at that, but I can’t blame them. It’s their only point of reference. I had no idea how the sport operated before my daughter became a part of it. If you don’t have a family member in the sport, skating at the local level is almost invisible to the general community. Unless your looking for it, there is just not much public information about the universe that exist between Learn to Skate and an Olympic gold medal.
Anonymous

If you reach for the stars, you might not quite get one, but you won’t end up with a handful of mud, either.
— Leo Burnett

Sure, I’ve envisioned my IceBoy competing at the Olympics. Why not?! Does that mean that I know where I’m going to come up with $50,000 a year from? No. Does that mean that I will sacrifice his childhood or split up my family to get to this goal? No. Baby steps, like Synchromomto2 said. We’ll deal with each step as it comes.

But if it’s one of his goals, then why not indulge it? What’s the worse that could happen? He doesn’t make it. Sad, but not the end of the world, and imagine all the life lessons and experiences he will have had along the way.

I used to think that my IceBoy didn’t know how to dream big. That he was short changing himself, but over time I have come to realize that he just has a good head on his shoulders. He focuses on one goal at a time. Once he reaches that one, he has another ready to go.

A wise man once said at the beginning, you look at your mountain top (where you need to go). But after that, you have to focus on the path no more than three feet in front of you. If you keep looking at the mountain top, you will never make it. But if you focus only that three feet in front of you…sooner than you think, you will reach the top.

A man’s reach should exceed his grasp, or what’s heaven for? — Robert Browning
Jozet

Honestly, I think by the time most kids start testing or competing beyond their local Basic Skills competition, they get a pretty good idea of the time and effort that goes to doing well at competitions consistently. And when they make the jump from Pre-Juv to Juvenile, wow! That’s an eye-opener for everyone. (At least it’s been for us.) I think my skater kid gets frustrated more than anything that people don’t “get it”, how much work she’s already doing – and fun she’s having!
Anonymous

I agree, I am not sure her FATHER even really gets it. Honestly, I am excited to see how she skates NEXT year at this time given her progress this year. And she COULD stay juvenile for the next 3 seasons (using age)!
Sierra

IceMom, what about when the kid is the one thinking they’ll go to the Olympics, and they are so bound and determined to achieve it, not realizing that their parent’s bank account isn’t endless? How do the parents get their kid to listen- there’s not that big of a chance, and I’m not about to give up my life for it.

I see this all over the internet. On Yahoo Answers, there’s a question practically every other day “Is it too late for me? I’m 13 and in Basic 1 and wanna go to the Olympics so bad.” A few days later there’s a question from the same user “My parents are being so unfair blah blah blah they won’t support me or pay for my skating..” Your parents don’t want to pay 50K per year. Shocker.

I once saw a YouTube comment along the lines of “I’m 14, have a double salchow and can only afford to skate once a week, but I wanna go to the Olympics.” Ok, the kid has talent if she landed a double salchow only skating once a week, but still. Has she ever thought through this?

As a 14 year old skater myself, I honestly do not understand why so many of my peers seem to think they’re going to the Olympics. I can’t figure out why their heads are so far in the clouds, or why they won’t even set smaller goals, like landing a 2axel, before thinking of the Olympics. I have not once wanted to go to the Olympics, because there is almost zero chance for me- why cause the heartbreak? I set realistic goals. My goals are to land all of the doubles, test up and coach for the rest of my life. I’ll be happy for the rest of my life. Going to the Olympics does not make one happy for the rest of their life.

I know if I started talking about the Olympics to my mom, she probably would not try to tell me that I’m likely not to go or even be close to going. Parents just don’t say those things to their kids. But how does one get their teen to understand that the parent is not going to sacrifice their life just to reach for the Olympics? Without this type of discussion, the teen becomes sulky and angry, convinced their parents hate them or hate skating. And even if the parent explained the odds and that it simply costs too much, the teen is not all that likely to listen with a clear head.

It’s really very sad. Go look at Y!A and you’ll see what I mean.
Figur Sk8r

i don’t think i have a chance at the olympics, but i still dream
getting in the top 5 or nationals would be nice
Anonymous

Best wishes on achieving your dream!

Remember:
You don’t know where the bar should be–so don’t place it anywhere. -Randy Pausch