I Accessorize My Wardrobe with Old Corn Pads

OMG. Do not let Ice Girl know I wrote this. She will smother me with a pillow in my sleep.

Figure skaters have ugly feet. If their feet weren’t ugly before they donned skates, they sure will be in a year. Figure skating boots are expensive and sturdy. They’re built to protect skaters from the stress of jumping. A couple years of that kind of movement and figure skaters build up foot and leg muscles, but often they’ll have corns and calluses, too.

Sneakers, running shoes, and basketball shoes are flexible and often lightweight. They’re built for speed, flexibility, and yes, support. Volleyball players often have nice feet, cute painted toenails, and shoes that cost maybe $100, tops.

I stop every week at our local chain drugstore for four packages of corn pads and two packages of callus pads. (Just an aside – why are corn pads eligible for flex spending and not callus pads? Ridiculous.) The cashier at Walgreen’s thinks I have a terrible foot problem. I’m not going to tell him they’re for a my kid. That’s like telling him they’re for a friend. Pathetic.

Don’t get me wrong: Ice Girl she loves her figure skating boots and claims they’re comfortable. An Olympic-level coach assured me that the corn pads are the normal result of jumping in leather boots. It causes friction, he said.

The other normal result of buying corn pads by the dozen-and-a-half (18/package) is that the corn pads attach themselves to everything I own.

My van? Don’t look under the seats. The corn pads scuttle underneath to hide from the sunlight.

My laundry room? Corn pads lurk in the dryer and cling to my office wear, Ice Dad’s dress shirts, and, well, our unmentionables. The other day, Ice Dad went to work for an all-office meeting. During his portion of the meeting, he glanced down at his pants hem. Oh, yeah. Corn pad.

I try to be a supportive mom. I try to be understanding. But when a co-worker has to pull a corn pad off the back of my shirt, I’ve about hit my limit.

All I’m saying is: it’s nearly October. Time for a harvest.

How about you? Have you considered decorating with corn pads? Does your local pharmacist start to recommend sensible shoes and a walker for you? Are you irritated that corn pads are tax deductible but callus pads aren’t? (Boy, I am.) Does your tax man wonder why you’ve saved $300 worth of corn pad receipts? (Mine does.) Do your co-workers admire your avant garde fashion sense when you wear your corn pad hoop earrings? Make me feel better, people! Let’s hear your corny stories!

Do you have a question for Ice Mom or the Advisory Board? I still don’t have any dilemmas to send them for September 24. Do you have a post you’d like to read? Something that’s not so screwy like corn pads? Do you have a guest post you’d like to write? Awesome! E-mail me at IceMom.Diane@gmail.com. And don’t poke fun at my outfit. Those corn pads on my shirt match the ones on my skirt perfectly. Geometric shapes are in, you know.

Photo credits:
corn clouds: davedehetre / David DeHetre on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Sweet corn: GenBug on Flickr.com Creative Commons
CORN DOGS!: IntangibleArts / Hawkins on Flickr.com Creative Commons

Laura Gilmore

Nice article. Thanks for the heads up on using my photo, and the attribution. I appreciate your interest. ~GenBug
Anonymous

OK don’t throw any corn pads at me but…. my daughter has never needed anything on her feet or ankles. No corn pads, no bungas, no band-aids… I don’t know why but she has never had any problems. She wears Riedells and will never switch obviously! She feels sorry for her friends who have to put 20 things on their feet before they skate. In fact of she had some of the problems her friends have had, bleeding feet, ankle blisters, etc. I think she would have quit skating, she’s kind of a wimp when it comes to pain! Many sympathies to those of you who need all that stuff!
http://icemom.net Ice Mom

Well, SuperSkater, I am very happy for you and your daughter. However, I think to have the full figure skating experience, you need to have some old corn pads.

Tell you what: I’ll harvest some from inside my van and send them to you – free! What d’ya say?
Anonymous

Hmm, my IceBoy wears Riedells and also doesn’t have those things either. I’m counting my blessings and the $ in my pocket that I can use for ice time.
NewbieSkaterUK

Haha love it, at the moment I don’t need anything in my skates and honestly I think my feet are used to brutal treatment, they’ve spent far too long stuffed into pointe shoes (by the way icemom you might want to count your blessings that you’re not balletmom as pointe shoes are even more expensive *screams* than skates) but I know what you mean about sticky corn pads/callus pads, toe tape and bandaids get stuck to everything too
Anonymous

I needed a laugh! And boy did I when I read the part about Ice Dad taking a corn pad to work, ha love it.
Anonymous

Haha, what a great entry. I think you could make wonderful car art, just paint them different colors and stick them on the outside of you car…You could name it “corny”
Anonymous

Haha! :~) You could use them in some kind of school art project surely? Picture of a corn field? Corn chowder? Creamed corn? I know, corn on the cob! Haha. ;~)
adultskater

I just started to buy the corn pads- I have old corns from ballet (yay pointe shoes) and they hadn’t been a problem for me until recently. I guess now that I’m doing a lot of jumps- it just happens to rub. Bah. I have Reidells and I love them, they are very comfy. And I don’t think I’d have a problem, except my family has funky shaped toes- and I inherited the oddly shaped toe (next to the pinky) and that’s where my corns are. They aren’t big… but it rubs and to prevent further problems, I started using the pads. Ohmygoodness- they stick to everything. My puppy thinks its awesome- she likes to find them and then use them as a toy til I realize what she’s doing, hah.
Darntsen

Hey Heidi Klum, are you listening? This has the potential for a perfect Project Runway Challenge…create a garment from articles found at the drugstore. It might too late for this season but maybe they would consider it for next season.
skatertaxi

Ditto on Riedells and no corn pad budget required. Tell me though, anyone with good tips for reducing heal bumps?
SkaterTaxi

Oops, HEEL bumps
Isabellem1998

Same here! I wear Riedells and they haven’t had a problem for me yet! Actually, they are really comfortable – I hope Ice Mom doesn’t have to travel halfway around the world to strangle me!!
Figur Sk8r

i have reidells too! & i never have any problems, well sometimes i get little blisters but they dont hurt too bad, i put cotton in my skates when ever i have a problem(whish is rare)
i think cotton it the best, ive used those blister band aides but they dont work too good