Increasing a Parent or Spouse’s Interest in Figure Skating

Here’s an e-mail I received from a young figure skater:

Well I’m a skater who is beginning to get serious; although I started late (I turned thirteen Sept. 2). My parents are VERY new to the skating world; though I had high interests when I was younger (they never took time to study up on figure skating). No matter how much I say I love it, they seem nonchalant… Currently, we’re spending lots of money into our new house. A lot of expensive problems keep popping up hindering my time and money to skate. I know that the skating world is so expensive, and being so young holds me from earning my OWN money, not more money from my parents’ pockets. Do you know some ideas that can help me get my parents interested in me skating more often, introduce them to the skating world and show them that I really LOVE this sport?

I think that this is a good question, not just for the figure skater in question, but also for parents. It’s a question that I’ve had to deal with, too: How to get Ice Dad more involved in Ice Girl’s skating so he sees the value in it?

My main method is to take Ice Dad to the rink. He’ll drive, sure, but he’ll sleep in the car. Don’t get me wrong: I love that he sleeps in the car because it means that I’m at home during 6 a.m. ice. But sleeping in the car doesn’t encourage him to love putting Ice Girl on the ice. In fact, too much sleeping in the car at 6 a.m. ice can have the opposite effect: Ice Dad starts to wonder if this is all really worth it.

We’ve all talked here many times bout why we love this sport, but I think it’s challenging to engender that love in a spouse or, as in the e-mail from the figure skater, our parents. My own mom doesn’t get it. Sure, she’ll come to the occasional competition, but she’s not really interested in what jump Ice Girl is working on or that her new boots are nicely broken in.

I think part of the problem is figure skating is pretty remote for most people. It’s not a school-sponsored sport that hosts home games for the entire community’s Friday recreation. It’s not televised every Sunday during prime time. You can’t pack a cooler and a grill and tailgate before exhibitions every other Saturday. Figure skating just isn’t as accessible.

So, I think the challenge is to make it accessible. I’m not fabulous at this, but asking Ice Girl to show her dad her off-ice jumps helps. Watching her walk through her freestyle program in the backyard helps. Hauling him to the rink to sit in the stands every once in a while helps. Watching Ice Girl compete is good, too.

My advice to the young figure skater who e-mailed me is to do as much off-ice jumping and spinning as she possibly can. If you lack inspiration, I encourage you to watch my very favorite kitchen floor skater, Ara. I’ll be writing more on Ara soon, but he’s a 14-year-old kid in Iraq who can’t even get to the ice. The rink that exists is far away and very expensive. However, this is a kid with determination. If they had a rink that they could afford and skates for their son, you can bet that his parents would be putting him on the ice. You know why? So they can eat in the kitchen again, that’s why!

Check out Ara on YouTube. He’s doing triples. In his kitchen.

What do you recommend for encouraging family members’ interest in figure skating? Does your spouse’s interest or your parents’ interest in figure skating matter? What would you suggest this young figure skater do to encourage her parents’ interest in her sport? I recommended Ara’s kitchen off-ice training; what do you recommend?

Do you have a question for Ice Mom or the Advisory Board? Do you have a suggestion for a post you’d like to read? I’d love to hear from you. E-mail me at IceMom.Diane@gmail.com

Photo credits:
Kitchen Sink: Fazimoto on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Vintage Kitchen: gojeffrey / Jeff Wright on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Kitchen, Contrast: Orin Zebest on Flickr.com Creative Commons

Jozet

Good lord! If YouTube can make Justin Bieber a star, wouldn’t it be great to use the awesome power of the Internets to get this kid some skates and some ice? I know…lots of kids could use skates and ice and coaches. And yet…
Jozet

As to the topic, I don’t really have any great ideas on this, so we’ll try more “in your face” kitchen takeovers at home. I will say that The Grandmothers are very supportive even though they don’t quite understand all the gibberish…although, my mom did sit still one afternoon for an explanation of the testing system.

I also have Skater Grrrl call all grandmas and dad after any test or competition and let them know how she did. I think just hearing the excitement in her voice and knowing that this is important enough for an 11yo to actually call their grandparents gets their attention.

I think the toughest sell is for any parent or spouse who thinks deep down that skating isn’t a “real” sport. My husband once joked, “It would be a sport if while you were out there skating to your music, other guys were trying to knock you down.” No, dear. That’s hockey. But it’s a problem that skating always has: how to convince people that something that looks so pretty and is “staged” to music is actually Really Really Difficult. One way is to try to get them out there on skates themselves and then to have your 11 year old skate waltz jumps around them. However, I do suggest refraining from yelling, “TOE PICK” every time they fall over, as sadistically fulfilling as that could be at times. (I joke.)

I’m an adult skater who only got onto the ice once in a while until I finally put my foot down and decreed that Monday nights were Mama Skating Nights. On those days, I try to be extra lovely to all my family, have a hot dinner waiting for them as I dash out the door, maybe a little note or treat for everyone, and I promise myself to come back refreshed and in a good mood (even if I fell on my butt for 2 hours). Positive reinforcement and a little psychological chicanery so that my family says, “Wow! Let’s keep mom skating as much as she wants – she’s extra swell to all of us on skating days!”
Jozet

As to the topic, I don’t really have any great ideas on this, so we’ll try more “in your face” kitchen takeovers at home. I will say that The Grandmothers are very supportive even though they don’t quite understand all the gibberish…although, my mom did sit still one afternoon for an explanation of the testing system.

I also have Skater Grrrl call all grandmas and dad after any test or competition and let them know how she did. I think just hearing the excitement in her voice and knowing that this is important enough for an 11yo to actually call their grandparents gets their attention.

I think the toughest sell is for any parent or spouse who thinks deep down that skating isn’t a “real” sport. My husband once joked, “It would be a sport if while you were out there skating to your music, other guys were trying to knock you down.” No, dear. That’s hockey. But it’s a problem that skating always has: how to convince people that something that looks so pretty and is “staged” to music is actually Really Really Difficult. One way is to try to get them out there on skates themselves and then to have your 11 year old skate waltz jumps around them. However, I do suggest refraining from yelling, “TOE PICK” every time they fall over, as sadistically fulfilling as that could be at times. (I joke.)

I’m an adult skater who only got onto the ice once in a while until I finally put my foot down and decreed that Monday nights were Mama Skating Nights. On those days, I try to be extra lovely to all my family, have a hot dinner waiting for them as I dash out the door, maybe a little note or treat for everyone, and I promise myself to come back refreshed and in a good mood (even if I fell on my butt for 2 hours). Positive reinforcement and a little psychological chicanery so that my family says, “Wow! Let’s keep mom skating as much as she wants – she’s extra swell to all of us on skating days!”
http://icemom.net Ice Mom

Jozet, you are both clever andfunny.

I love this:

However, I do suggest refraining from yelling, “TOE PICK” every time they fall over, as sadistically fulfilling as that could be at times. (I joke.)

I would totally yell “toe pick.” My insult of choice: Move it, speed bump!

Very smart to encourage your family to love your skating days. Very clever.
Mom

I would encourage you to babysit or do lawn work or odd jobs and give that money to your parents to contribute to the cost of skating. This demonstrates your commitment and your passion for figure skating. My daughter who is 14 does that and while it doesn’t come near paying for skating, it tells us that she loves skating, I would also encourage you to do your research to make it easier for your parents and then offer to fill them in on what you learn. Hang in there!
Anonymous

That is really tough…some parents just are not into the competitive thing, or spending so much time and money on a sport. My dd is lucky in that I see the value so dad geets dragged along sometimes by force. I agree with the others as to finding ways to contribute…even if it isn’t much, it will show them how much you really care. Also, use your time wisely (ice and lesson) again to show them how much you care and how hard you will work.
http://literarysymphonyonice.wordpress.com Antarcticlichen

Great skaters, like any great artist or artisan, make it look easy. I think it’s hard to appreciate what’s “easy”. Just as participating in a silversmith demonstration at Colonial Williamsburg made me look at Paul Revere’s work with admiration and respect for the first time, my greatest successes in getting my family to respect what I’m doing have come with getting them to try it, at least in part, themselves. This isn’t always easy to do and it hasn’t always worked (my sister can hold and use a bow beautifully and get a proper vibrato on my cello simply by sitting down and taking it into her arms- I personally think it is unfair of the universe to give such gifts to someone who has absolutely no interest in playing a string instrument, but there you are).

My family has tried to be supportive of me with my skating because they love me but their eyes do have a tendency to glaze over when I talk about it and most of the time, they have no idea what I am talking about. Having them watch one ice dance from the olympics that I like particularly (instead of trying to get them to sit through an entire event) every once in a while has helped. Demonstrating a move I’ve been talking about off-ice has helped. Seeing my determination and persistence with skating even when I’ve been sick has helped. Having a personal history of helping the members of my family pursue their individual dreams has given us a firm foundation of mutual love and respect that helps. But as I mentioned before, what ultimately got my mom and my sister was when I held one leg straight out in front of me and squatted with control down very close to the floor, then had them try it. It blew their minds and neither one of them could do it.

I can’t imagine anyone else in my family loving skating (I can’t even round up enough friends and family members to use my free skating passes when I have them- even on days when they drive me to the rink- they are too afraid of looking idiotic or hurting themselves). Sometimes benevolent tolerance from our loved ones is the best that we can hope for. The best counsel I can give the young skater who can’t pay for or get to the rink herself is this: It may not be ideal, but there are always little ways you can pursue your dreams that will help you be ready for, and appreciative of, all of the opportunities that will come. I’ve had a serious heart condition for most of my life. Even five minutes of physical activity was incredibly challenging to me but I love to skate. When I could only be up for five minutes, I used those five minutes to hold a spiral position, to stretch, to walk, or even to do a minute of skipping rope. Over time (years) those efforts have helped strengthen not just my muscles but my resolve. This year I’ve had the special chance to actually skate. I received an unexpected gift and when a move brought us close to a rink, I bought an annual public skate pass and have gone to the rink as I have been able. In the beginning I could only skate for nine minutes and then I was in bed for the rest of the day. Last week I was able to skate for almost two hours! Do not scoff at small beginnings. Everybody has to begin somewhere. See if you can borrow tapes on yoga or ballet from your library and work out with them to improve your posture and your flexibility. Jump rope (this simple and inexpensive activity you can do at home and it is something elite skaters do). Increase your strength with squats, push-ups, soup cans… whatever is available in your house. Watch great skaters on youtube, learn how to identify the individual elements, and imitate their body positions, especially the way they hold their head and use their arms, in front of your bathroom mirror. Be responsible (and cheerful) with your chores and schoolwork. Create dances for music you want to be able to skate to, both physically and inside your head. I believe if your parents see you doing everything you can on your own (without complaining) that they will want to do everything that is within their power to help you pursue something that is so important to you. Even if they can’t help you now, by doing these things you will be able to go into skating stronger, healthier, and more motivated which will help you to learn and progress. No effort is ever wasted that brings you closer to who you want to be and who you want to become. And remember: it isn’t impossible and it isn’t too late, even if it takes a lifetime to get there.
Jozet

This is a fabulous reply!

And this

“My family has tried to be supportive of me with my skating because they love me but their eyes do have a tendency to glaze over when I talk about it and most of the time, they have no idea what I am talking about.”

makes me appreciate Ice Mom’s blog and all the wonderful comments and conversations here so very much. It’s nice to have other people to talk skating with.
Anonymous Skater

An individual annual pass to our local rink is about $80, and that gets you in “free” to public skate on Friday nights and Saturday/Sunday afternoons for a whole year. If I was 13 and trying to skate using my own resources, I would look into something like that.
http://literarysymphonyonice.wordpress.com Antarcticlichen

I second that. I love this site!