Ten Signs Your Figure Skater Might Be Ready to Quit Skating

Ice Mom, you always find a way to write about serious issues with humor It’s great when both parent and skater love the sport – I can’t imagine there are too many high level skaters with out an amazingly supportive parent. The problem lies when one or the other is ready to quit. If mom has fallen in love with the idea of her child skating she may not be ready to admit it’s over and become blind to the clues. A child may be sticking to skating so as not to let down mom & dad, or may feel pressure to quit if a parent is no longer on board. I think these tough situations can happen to anyone! It’s was good to read todays post – it reminds me to stay focused on my child’s emotional well being, and not to allow myself be blinded by my ambition for her.

I had one of these…the older sister (now 11) of jumpingbean. She was still struggling with lutz a year after finishing learn to skate. I cut back on lessons and finally stopped them altogether to see what would happen. In the summer, jumpingbean’s sister had to come to the rink with us sometimes for hours because jumpingbean was training..she didn’t even want to bring her skates. She would SIT there and do nothing rather than skate one session. I am glad I finally made the decision for her because it was a waste of my money, and it was causing nothing but conflict for me and her.

If Whiny is a pre-teen or teen and she’s just become whiny about everything in her life, then maybe it’s a good thing for her mom to push her a little. Especially if she loved figure skating before. But if there are other things in her life that she enjoys without whining, then maybe it’s time to back off or take a break altogether to see if Whiny misses it. Personally I’d want to figure that out before she needs a new pair of skates. I do see parents at the rink who seem to be way more into their child skating then the child seems to be. And I always wonder why they push so hard. Do they really get enjoyment out of nagging their children and listening to them whine? I also look at some of the teenage girls who use freestyle ice as social time and think maybe their parents are just happy the girls aren’t out drinking or finding ways to be alone with their boyfriend. It’s not my money, so as long as they aren’t getting in the way of the more dedicated skaters then it doesn’t bother me. It probably would bother me if the ice was full and my skater couldn’t get on because of them. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s the parent who wants to see their child in a particular sport and won’t let the child stop. And that makes for an uncomfortable situation for the bystanders.

Another sign your ready for a break… If other mom’s,skaters, and coaches in area pick up on this behavior. I don’t pay attention too much to skaters that are not mine on the ice. If I notice this behavior, it happens A LOT. For instance I know exactly who you are talking about. Thats not a good thing.

I see this at our rink all the time. From the skater who is constantly off the ice as soon as the parent leaves, to the skater who thinks being at the rink means “social time”. I am CONSTANTLY watching for signs, trying to decide if it’s time to scale back. Unfortunately, I think what I try to interpret as declining interest may just be fear. DD is “this” close to a double axel… and some days the fire is there, and others, especially after a big fall, the fire is missing. I’ve been known to try to bribe DD into quiting… we could take a LOT more vacations!!!!! Coach was saying recently that 16 is pretty much a do or die age for girls… I’m counting down! Not sure what I would do if I got my life back tho!

Yes, I too see kids like this at the rink all the time. I think this often happens in the teen years when the child stops progressing, some kids just get tired/bored/frustrated when they aren’t mastering anything new. My own daughter is that typical 14 year old who just can’t quite get that double axel – mostly because she’s too lazy to put in the work on or off the ice. And that’s OK with me, I’m the parent who gives a “quitting opportunity” about once every year or so – right before we have to get new skates!!! :~D In all seriousness I have always told my daughter that she could quit any time but that she would have to take up some other sport – I do not beleive in couch/internet potatos! But so far I do not see any of the signs that Ice Mom has listed – well, maybe a little bit of talking if one of her two good friends are there, and a little aimless skating as she starts to get tired toward the end of the ice time, but that’s about it. About two or three times a year I ask my daughter if she’d like to quit so I could “be rich” (haha) but so far it’s a no go. ;~) At this point I would like to see her at least finish off her tests, just 3 more freeskate tests to take – and she has shown an interest in coaching….
I think when I see these kids who are really ready to quit it’s kind of sad, it often takes the parents quit a while to figure it out… they would really be better off to switch sports a lot sooner and quit wasting the money in skating! And maybe sometimes all these kids need is some time away, maybe take a summer off – or the school year – and see if the child is bugging you to take them back to the rink… Trust me they WILL bug you if they really love the sport and start missing it!

I have to be selfish for a moment if you don’t mind. I read your article and thought – oh my gosh, she’s talking about my daughter! I’ve actually wondered for months if my dd wants to quit. Here’s my dilemma. DD has a great coach and loves her. Mom wants to see her complete the requirements for Freeskate 5 and 6 before quitting. DD loves skating (or so she says). However, she has been doing the following things you outlined:

Holding up the boards. But not as much as half hearted skating.
Whining. OMG!!!!!
The ache and pain of the day.
Skating aimlessly. Ugh! I feel like the B***HY mommy when I say “Would you skate?”

Oh and let’s not forget the endless trips to the bathroom or to wipe her nose because it’s running. She’s repeatedly told me that she wants to continue with Synchro and her goal is to complete Freeskate 5/6 so she can compete. But when I don’t see her putting forth the effort, it makes me wonder if she wants to move onto something else. As of this moment, I have given her the opportunity to make her choices. She’s only 8. It has to be fun. When she completed Basic 8, she made the decision to move on. She had the option to go into something else.

Now that it’s coming closer to the end of Learn to Skate things, I will let her decide. She’s thinking about gymnastics. Better on my budget yes, but will she like it better? My biggest fear is moving on and finding out she wants to go back to skating. That means dd’s coach will have moved onto another student and we’ll lose out. Is it worth it? Do you know your child better than they know themselves? I have to let her decide. It’s her activity. So my question is, does it sound like whiny girl above?

I cannot abide whining, in any form, for any reason. I just want to say that.

I agree with all your signs. Absolutely.

Eight years old is young and she’s already done a lot with the sport. She has a good foundation and maybe a few weeks off or just going to public ice and keeping it really fun will re-light her fire. Or maybe she’ll find another sport or activity and fall in love with that. Skating skills – strength, coordination, flexibility – will all transfer to other athletic activities, and other athletics will keep her in shape should she want to go back to skating. Not an answer for you, but just trying to take away some of the anxiety about letting her step back a bit.

My 11 year old just moved up to Juvenile and is finding out that “try hard” at this level actually means “try harder”. We’ve had some tantrums and whining, and while I don’t push, I also don’t say, “Well, sure, Honey, you can slack off now or not skate as much and still remain competitive at this level.” Sort of a “fixed rein” method. I’m not pushing, but I’m also not sugar coating what she needs to do to keep improving. I suppose to some onlookers, it might look like I’m being a drag and a mean mom.

But I can’t abide whining (did I mention that?) and I’m perfectly willing to say, “You don’t have to compete” or “you can skate recreational level” or “how about volleyball”. But sometimes saying, “Yeah, moving up to the next level actually means more work, less coasting” is the lesson beyond skating. At 11 years old and where she is right now, I’m okay with that being the parenting/life lesson and skating is the vehicle by which she is learning it. I don’t know how long I’d continue…I think it’s more of an intuitive decision. I’ll know when she get’s it, one way or another. And then there will either be more skating, or a lovely volleyball net in our back yard.

It really is hard isn’t it?? For the first time ever, jumpingbean said to her coach, man this is really alot of work sometimes! I asked her about that, and she said she still loved it and was just having a moment. I am sort of relieved to hear that this huge jump is hard on everyone- sometimes I worry about jumpingbean and how much she has been pushed this year. Apparently she is handling it reasonably well at not quite 10 (this time last year she was skating pre-pre for the first time!)

We don’t have ice year round so when transition from summer to winter ice is a nice evaluation time for my ice girl. This year she was itching too get back on the ice after a one week break. I have been adding ice time to her schedule slowly to get the school routine down first. Next break between spring to summer may yeild a different picture as she is growing up but the day she is done we are done. No regrets. I am proud of her accomplishments. She is a very hard worker.

What about you just cut back a little?

It seems like every year around this time the boys start to drop out. Especially at the level that my IceBoy is at (intermediate). Most of the boys are at the age where they are growing quickly (which makes maintaining jumps hard). They are also just starting High School. For some it is that the level just got harder, and talent alone doesn’t cut it anymore. It’s really hard work. For others they are just interested in other things, football, hanging out with friends, or they have done it since they were four and they are done.

The ones that I have seen are pretty vocal about not wanting to continue. They fight with their moms about wanting to quit. It’s hard to figure out for sure who really wants to quit or who needs the extra pep talk. So far one out of three is still with it, but might be done after this year, but that’s what he said last year (might be a pep talk kind of kid).

A different boy from the three above only wants to skate 2 days a week or so, he’s really into other sports. His coach is not on the same page. We’ll see what happens there. His parents are very responsive and want to accommodate his wishes. He might need a different coach.

This year has been hard on my IceBoy with so many injuries. In a really down time he mentioned something about soccer, but things have gotten better physically, and he is seeing improvement, so things are alright for now. It’s just a balance. We’ll see what happens after Regionals, hopefully he will maintain his forward motion whatever happens. But hey, he’s a teenager…LOL

I have witnessed this phenomenon at the rink a lot. Usually the parents are up on it. I haven’t seen anyone really hang on for too long after “The Behaviors” start.

I would be sad if my IceBoy stopped skating. I would miss seeing him jump and witnessing his courage and focus, but I would learn to live with it (after many tantrums). But we really can’t afford to keep him in the sport if he doesn’t want to do it anymore, so my decision would be made. I guess then we could afford a new roof…

Kudos to the parents who have the courage and insight in to their skater’s needs. WTG!

If she takes some time off and decides she wants to go back, she’ll still have all the basic skills she’s learned up to this point. Sure you might have to get a different coach if her old coach is booked solid, but if that were the case you could ask her old coach for recommendations for a different coach. She might find that she loves something different, or she might find she misses skating.

My oldest took a year off from soccer because he got somewhat burnt out. When he decided to try out for the freshman team this year, we didn’t know if he would make it or not, but he did. And he’s much more committed to it after having a year off and missing the sport.

Good luck with whatever your DD does.

We went on vacation for 2 weeks where there was no available ice and jumpingbean was talking about skating again after a week…I guess that is a good test!

I have to say a HUGE thank you to all of you. DD has expressed some serious desire to do gymnastics. Last night DH and I spoke before I read all of these responses. I want to see if she wants to take a break so it really made me feel good when I saw the same suggestion. I’m also going to ask her if she wants to skate because SHE wants to skate. Or does she want to skate because she thinks I want her to skate. That might be a big thing there. She’ll still be in Synchro because it requires a commitment for the year. So she could take the time to do that and then decide about the rest later. Thanks again so much!

I think all those signs are great… and it would be great for any parents reading to keep them in mind.

I always loved skating as a kid, but I had a super talented friend who didn’t. At summer skating camp, I think he had sandals on more than skates, and he actually bluntly told me that he’d told his mom that he wanted to take dance classes instead but that she’d said no. This was a super talented skater on the provincial team… but he was miserable! I have never seen ANYONE pick up skills as quick as he did… but despite that, he just did not like skating.

I don’t think parents MEAN to be this ridiclous… they all start out with the best intentions. But it happens. So, watching for something concrete like the signs ice mom mentioned would be a great tip for any skating parent.

You know, AS, when I read about a super talented kid who just isn’t into skating, I shake my head. As a parent, I find a kid’s talent hard to resist. I totally understand why his parents made him go to camp. They saw his talent, too, and were awed by it.

Of course, that doesn’t make it right. All the talent in the world isn’t any good without hard work and dedication.

I just know that I’d find it really, really hard to resist shoving my kid, too. That is, until she started to whine. Man, I hate whining.

I can’t imagine how Ice Girl would cope without summer ice. I think she’d start to have withdrawals and begin to tremble.

Ugh, yeah. You know it’s bad when you can pick this kid out so easily, hey? Dreading some ice times this month for this very reason…

Really, really good point, szuszu! If Mom or Dad are in love with the idea of Whiny skating, it’s hard for Whiny to quit.

Excellent reality check: your kid has to want it more than you do.