Ask the Ice Moms: Figure Skater Substance Abuse

Here’s a problem I hope you never have: substance abuse.

A 15-year-old student showed up for her lesson stoned. Yes, you read that right. High on drugs. When confronted, the girl did not deny it. Coach kicked her off the ice and asked her to come back the next day to tell Coach why she should not be kicked out of the program entirely, and her parents not be notified. This girl has a difficult family situation, and coach feels the parents will not believe this happened. Skating Director is aware of the situation.

Question is, what should the coach do? What are her legal and moral obligations? Must/should parents be notified, and if so, by whom–coach or skating director? There is no direct evidence of wrongdoing, only the child’s tacit admission of guilt. The rink has a zero tolerance policy if caught with drugs or alcohol, but this does not apply to simply showing up intoxicated (we found this out several years ago when some parents challenged an expulsion, believe it or not). Is it better to ban the kid, or to nurture her? Can the coach impose some sort of “community service” and how would she explain this to the parents?

Allison Scott, mom to an Olympic figure skater and two-time National champion (sr.), survivor of many rinks, professional communicator, new grandmother, and blogger at Life on the Edge.

It’s pretty cut and dry if the rink is STARS. Zero tollerance. If she’s a minor, I believe same rules apply as school. PSA has policies as does USFS.

C.L., mom to a 10-year-old skater (who just landed her double Salchow) and a club vice president.

In my opinion the coach should definitely contact the parents. As a parent, I would want to know if my son or daughter showed up anywhere drunk or high. I think the coach has a moral obligation to tell them. Better yet, the coach can tell the child that she will be telling her parents and can suggest the skater inform them first before she does. The coach could suggest rink consequences, such as mandatory time off. Speaking from experience, I once showed up to a high school function drunk. I thought I was the coolest kid on the block that night until I was expelled from school for three days, kicked off the varsity tennis team for four matches, and taken down to the police station.

Pairs Mom, mom to 1/2 of last year’s Junior Nationals intermediate-level pairs gold medalists.

Absolutely there is a legal obligation for the parents to be notified because not doing so could have serious repercussions later along the lines of liability. In my opinion, it would be best for the Skating Director to notify the parents, expressing that the child is a danger to herself and others around her, and that the next time she is on the premises under the influence of drugs or alcohol that the police will be notified. If the skating rink has a “zero tolerance” policy that they don’t adhere to, there could be consequences from their insurance company. Even if the coach feels that there is a difficult family situation, this child is crying out for someone’s help, and therefore the first step is to notify the legal guardian of that child.

SeasonedSk8rmom, adult skater and mom to a novice-level skater who just passed her junior moves!

With regards to the skater coming to the rink high on drugs, I absolutely think that she should be reprimanded for her actions. I don’t think that just asking her to leave the ice for one day is enough punishment for her actions. She is a role model to younger skaters and if the younger skaters see her behaving this way then it will encourage them to act that way when they are older. This also has a negative reflection on the arena and the figure skating club. I feel that the skating director should handle this matter. She is the figure skating authority figure at the arena. The skating director should definitely notify the parents and also inform them of the punishment that the skater will be responsible to perform.

S.L., mom to a high-school-age figure skater and a long-time figure skating club board member

If this is the first time the skater has been noted to be high, I would like to think it could be nipped in the bud asap. I know rules are rules, but if she has it tough at home what will happen when parents are told? It is nice that the skater was honest, this may be a cry for help (help she may not get from home). She may feel close enough to the Coach to talk to her; there should still be consequences (volunteer service at the rink is a great idea). I think 15 is very close to not having legal implications. Now, if the Coach feels comfortable talking to her, it is certainly worth a try. I go for nurture:-)

Sk8rmom p, personal trainer and mom to an intermediate-level male figure skater and a Junior Nationals competitor

As a parent, I would like to know this has happened. I think that the someone coach or management should contact the parents and tell them. It doesn’t matter what the Coach or the Management thinks about the parents or family situation, it is not for them to judge whether the parents will respond appropriately or not, they are ultimately responsible for the raising of this precious child.

Have the representative present the facts. It is up to the parents to believe or not. If I were a Coach, I would feel a moral obligation to report this to the parents. They entrusted the care of their child to me. If I see a child in trouble, I need to communicate this to them. She is a minor, and no matter what the family situation, the parents are going to have the best chance of intervening. If they don’t know what is happening, they have no way of dealing with it. I don’t want to have my non-action lead to horrible consequences in this child’s future by my not taking my responsibility seriously.

As a coach, I would also sit down with the child and have a good talk and listen to what she has to say (the village thing here again), and address the issue when she is not stoned. I would stick to talking about the consequences in terms of skating for the most part, but if the opportunity arises, possibly go into the life consequences as well.

This seems like a cry for help. Teens also need structure and boundaries, it’s a really scary world out there with so many choices. I would be clear about the boundaries and rules of staying in my program, possibly have her sign a contract. Give her another chance, but if she violates the rules again, then ban her. Doesn’t have to be forever, but severe enough that it makes her think. You do her no favors to keep bending the rules. Spell out the consequences for dismissal and for coming back (i.e. sober, in a program whatever you want, can re-apply after 1 year.) Other kids are watching your reaction as well.

Ice Mom, parent of a freshman figure skater who has been in some hot water this week.

When I taught high school, our principal instructed us to just state what we could observe about a student’s behavior and not draw conclusions about what kind of lunch time cocktails the kid mixed up or which corn field the students hid in to smoke weed. We could say things to the kid like, “You don’t seem yourself today. Your speech is slurred,” or “You smell funny and smoky. Let me send you to the office so you can call home for a change of clothes.” Other good ones: “Your giggling is disrupting class. This isn’t normal behavior for you; I’d like to send you to the nurse.”

Once the kid was isolated with an administrator, then someone asked more direct questions about substance abuse. Isolating the kid is smart because drunk or stoned people can behave in an erratic fashion. You don’t want them loose on the ice.

The administrator kept the drunken or stoned kid in her office until she reached the kid’s parents and they arrived at the school to take them home in shame. My last district used to have a zero tolerance drug policy, but we teachers fought to change it. The best place for a kid who is struggling with alcohol and other drugs is in school. Keeping a kid like that at home gives him both freedom and boredom, neither of which will help him stay off drugs. However, being surrounded by caring adults who want him to learn just might help him avoid the drug scene again.

So, my vote is to get the kid off the ice without a direct accusation. Use your quiet voice and ask questions about the skater’s physical symptoms and behavior, not about her two-martini lunch. Take her to the skating director for her to lay down the law. I would always call the parents and get law enforcement involved if the skater has drug paraphernalia in his bag or a flask in his hip pocket.

As for keeping the kid in the club, well, I would. We always said at my school that High School was a safe place to make mistakes.

Of course, no one wants her child to dabble in illegal substances, but adults can help kids correct mistakes if the kid is still at the school or rink. I wouldn’t kick her out for this.

What do you think? Should a drunken or stoned skater be escorted out the door and not allowed to skate? How would you handle a kid who showed up intoxicated to a Learn to Skate lesson? Would you call the kid’s mom and dad? Please share your thoughts in the comments!

Thank you, reader, for sending in this question. If you have a question or a dilemma, go ahead and e-mail Ice Mom. If it’s a whopper, I’ll send it on to the Advisory Board. If you have an idea for a post you’d like to read, I’d love to hear from you, too! E-mail me at IceMom.Diane@gmail.com

Photo credits:
Martini Spash: geishaboy500 / THOR on Flickr.com Creative Commons
the glass waits, patiently: waferboard on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Untitled [cold martini]: GKS. / Gavin Keefe Schaefer on Flickr.com Creative Commons
martini extra dirty: mariko / Mariko on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Night out: kennymatic / Kenny Louie on Flickr.com Creative Commons
This drink is watching me.: Ken30684 / Ken on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Martini [neon sign]: AliceNWondrlnd / Alison on Flickr.com Creative Commons

ElizaA

I would recommend discussing your observations with the parent. It would be great if the parent was able to intervene – but sometimes the parent has substance abuse issues of their own and is actually the problem. Not everybody wins the parent lottery.

For safety issues I would also recommend a sort of “field sobriety” test at the beginning of every lesson and if she fails she is off the ice. That may be just embarrassing enough to keep her from showing up stoned because her friends will see her kicked off in front of them if she can’t skate. It takes away the “coolness” factor if using drugs makes her look like a chump.

If she is self medicating because of depression or stress you may want to discuss making her figure skating less stressful – say recreational only for a while just to take off some of the pressure to perfection.

At some point if she is going to be a competitive skater she is going to have to pass a drug test – this may be some leverage you can use with the parent to demand that she be periodically tested and that you see the results if you are going to agree to continue to coach her.
Sara

I don’t know if many rinks are like this, but, as my daughter’s FSC shares the arena with an elite hockey academy, there’s a policy to randomly drug test all junior and senior level skaters as well as hockey players over the age of 14. I remember having to sign a form for my own 15-year-old giving my consent for her to be tested. Not saying that I like this atmosphere, but I understand it’s necessary because there are quite a few drug problems at our rink (not so much among the figure skaters but the hockey players are on all kinds of junk. Still, unfortunately, it’s likely someday we will have an event like this). If this girl skates at a relatively quiet rink where problems like this are few and far between, I would definitely get to the bottom of the situation, report it to her parents and the club president, and make sure she doesn’t come back to the rink. As it has already been said, it’s not good for the younger skaters (or any skaters) to see in the training environment. Good luck!
szuszu

I agree with much of what has been said. Especially Ice Moms front line experience in the classroom. Inform the parents of your observations. However, I would not seek to ban the skater from the rink or club. I believe in rehabilitation not punishment. 15 is too young to be written off as a bad apple. This is a cry for help or a thoughtless mistake – regardless, if skating is one of the positive things in her life I would not compound the child’s problems by taking it away. If she repeatedly shows up at the rink high and disruptive then there may be a serious drug or alcohol addiction that needs professional intervention.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000381633544 Leanne Judy

As a skater who has been through a lot I think her parents should be told but she should not be kicked out of the rink. it might be the only thing thats keeping her going in some what of the right direction. Coaches are great mentors if they dont have that at home. I would be a completly diffrent person without my coach.