What Parents Can Learn from Figure Skating Coaches: Demonstrate

Parents usually tell teens what do do, while coaches try to show them.

“The Difference between a Parent and a Coach,” Carter, Izumo, and Martin

The quote above comes from a review copy of Stop Parenting, Start Coaching. It’s an O.K. book, but I did like how the authors grouped the important points in a handy section. I liked these so much that I thought I’d take a look at lessons figure skating parents can learn from figure skating coaches. Yep. It’s a new series of eight differences between parents and coaches.

Series: What Parents Can Learn from Figure Skating Coaches: Demonstrate | Prepare | Consequences | Respect| Tough Love | Failures are Opportunities

When Ice Girl is in a lesson with Ice Coach, Ice Coach is there with her every step of the way. She’s analyzing what Ice Girl does, she gives her feedback, and she also models the proper body positions and movements that Ice Girl should be making.

When Ice Girl doesn’t land her jump properly, there’s no shouting from Ice Coach. No: you’re grounded! Nope. Ice Coach patiently models whatever she wants Ice Girl to do and lets Ice Girl take another crack at it.

If I look at my own parenting, I can see Ice Dad or me telling Ice Girl: go clean your room. Sometimes it happens, but sometimes it doesn’t. Maybe 30 minutes of co-cleaning would provide her the example she needs to get a good start on it. Maybe it would just give her momentum for us to clean together.

I also think about how Ice Girl needs to cook alongside me. She doesn’t feel confident in the kitchen and asks questions about how long to heat soup in the microwave. It’s pretty clear that she needs some modeling, there too. She also needs to read the recipes instead of having mom tell her all the time what to do. I need to show her the recipe, do one or two things, and then let her do the rest instead of being impatient and doing half the mis en place myself.

I think, too, that I should probably set a better example for Ice Girl. We had a blow-out last week about 6 a.m. ice and how she can’t be late for it and how she can’t sleep in the van or, worse, in the lobby. She has to go to bed on time.

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Today on Rinkformation:

IceCoach.net: 6.0 Figure Skating Judging System

IceMom.net: What Parents Can Learn from Figure Skating Coaches: Demonstrate

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It’s a wonder lightening didn’t strike me down as I waggled my finger and preached about appropriate bed times. Let’s face it: I’ve been up way too late way too many nights. In fact, I’ve been so tired that Ice Dad has graciously agreed to take Ice Girl to the rink instead of me. Shame, Ice Mom, shame.

So, I suppose if I want Ice Girl to go to bed early on nights before early morning ice, I ought to let her see me going through the motions of going to bed, too. Instead, it’s: just one more load of dishes, just one more photo for the blog post, just one more chapter in this meaningless book.

Good lesson, hey? Too bad it’s almost midnight. Maybe I need a coach, too.

How about you? Do you think that modeling or demonstrating behavior is a good lesson for parents to pick up from the figure skating coach? What do you do to model or demonstrate a skill or task? Does it work? Does it work on teens? Does anything work on teens? Let me know.

Reference: Carter, C., Izumo, G., and Martin, J. (2004.) Stop Parenting and Start Coaching: How to Motivate, Inspire, and Connect with Your Teenager. Denver, Colo.: LifeBound. p. xii

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Do you have a question for Ice Mom or the Advisory Board? Do you have an idea for a post you’d like to read? Feel free to e-mail me. IceMom.Diane@gmail.com

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Photo credits:
Backstroke: Eustaquio Santimano on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Docent Andrew Schneider demonstrates cowboy lanyard lasso: mikebaird / Mike Baird on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Allsop’s Duncan Moir demonstrates a chiffonade: EG Focus on Flickr.com Creative Commons
‘Cello Beginner: Steve Snodgrass on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Energetic skilled young girl, [...]: mikebaird / Mike Baird on Flickr.com Creative Commons