Ask the Ice Moms: What to Give a Figure Skating Coach for the Holidays?

Today’s question comes from reader L.M.:

With the holiday season fast approaching, it sure would be helpful to hear from the Advisory Board in respects to their experiences with coaches and holiday gift giving. I’m an adult skater of almost two years, and last year I was unlucky enough to have missed the holidays altogether due to a broken hip. This year, however, an appropriate “thank you” gift will be in order for my coach. [I returned to the ice after three months on crutches in February 2010, with tremendous hip/leg atrophy, and coach trained me back to health, and from Delta clear up through passing my FS3 test... now I’m happily in FS4, working on the next broken bone, LOL!]. I’ve gifted my coach gloves when I noticed she’d lost hers, and I’ve bought her Starbucks gift cards a couple of times when different occasions warranted special thanks. I have a mind to buy my coach a decent CD player and D batteries, but oh! that seems tacky. I’m at a loss for ideas, and would appreciate any suggestions the Advisory Board might offer. Thanks in advance for any thoughts!

Jozet at Halushki, whose skater competed at Regionals this Fall. (Have you seen Josette’s Awesome Figure Skating Group on Facebook or her blog Halushki?)

First…I’m not sure whether anyone else brought this up, but once while musing out loud about a holiday gift for my coach, I was cautioned that giving a coach a gift could be an “ethical no-no”. I don’t know if there is an official word on this from USFSA or the coaches associations, or this was only the other person’s sensibilities in play? Anyway, I still gave our coach a small gift, but just wanted to double-check whether there is some unspoken – or spoken – rule of etiquette.

That said, from observation, I gather that 99% of all coaches live on massive doses of coffee, so a gift card to a favorite coffee shop or a travel mug would be a good choice. (I usually don’t buy regular coffee mugs for people since they are one of those things most folks have in the hundreds already, but good travel mugs seem to have a way of disappearing.) A gift certificate to a breakfast/lunch spot near the rink would also be thoughtful and practical. iTunes gift card. Local theater gift card. I had the thought once to get together all our coach’s skaters and go out to dinner, but it was tough to coordinate schedules. Speaking as someone who spends a lot of time in cold rink, I could never have enough big, warm mittens. For a real splurge, maybe go in with some other skaters and purchase the coach a subscription to Icenetwork or tickets to the next Stars On Ice. A gift certicate for skate sharpening? I think whatever the gift, it is the thought that counts; a card with a personal note expressing how much we appreciate our coach’s work and dedication would mean the most.

More about PSA ethics

Note from Ice Mom: I looked at the Professional Skater’s Association’s (PSA’s) website. You can read both the Coaches’ Code of Ethics and the Tenets of Professionalism. I couldn’t find anything about gifts in either document.

Ice Mom, mom to Ice Girl, a preliminary skater and high school student

I’m a big believer in showing appreciation for those who work very closely with my child. (See last week’s post: The Care and Feeding of Figure Skating Coaches.) I’m not saying that a parent should bribe the coach, but it’s good to show the coach your regular appreciation for her hard work. Just as an Axel is a milestone for your skater, it’s a milestone for the coach, too.

For Christmas, I usually give Ice Coach something nice as well as a check in the amount of Ice Girl’s regular lesson. I can’t tell you what we’re doing this year, because Ice Coach reads this blog. Can’t spoil it, now, can I?

In years past, in addition to the check, I’ve given her a bottle of wine, soakers and skate bags, and other things I just don’t recall.

It might be a nice idea to send out an e-mail to your coach’s other skating families to give them the option of pooling everyone’s holiday money and buying the coach something really nice. You could give her a gift certificate to a skate shop, a pre-paid Visa card, or a day at the spa. You could give her a night out at a popular local restaurant, tickets to the theater, or seats at the next ice show that comes to town.

A photo of the coach and the skater or just the skater, is never wrong. Couple that with a sincere thank-you from the skater and the parent and you’ve got a great gift, too. I also think that of all the things that can do no good, chocolate is the best.

I think that the CD player with D batteries is a very thoughtful gift. Of course, ask for a gift receipt and encourage the coach to return the gift if it isn’t what she wants.

Xan, adult skater, figure skating coach, and blogger at Xanboni, Sconeday, and Mahlzeit.

Xan recently wrote What to get the coach for Christmas. Her verdict: give your coach a bonus, just like any employee. If your skater skates three times in a week, give your coach a bonus of one week’s paycheck, or the equivalent of three lessons.

What will you be giving your figure skater’s coach for the holidays? Do people in your area give lavish gifts or modest ones? Do you think giving your figure skater’s coach a monetary gift is appropriate or awkward? What gifts have you given in the past? Coaches, what gifts do you most appreciate? Please share in the comments.

Do you have a question for Ice Mom or a dilemma for the Advisory Board? I have one for this Friday, but the rest of December is wide open for your most worrisome problems. If you have a suggestion for a post you’d like to read, I’d love to hear from you, too! E-mail me at IceMom.Diane@gmail.com

Coming next Monday, December 6: an interview with Kate Messner, the author of the new book for young readers (ages 9-12) Sugar and Ice.

Photo credits:
Jum-bow: JD Hancock on Flickr.com Creative Commons
pretty parcels: shimelle / Shimelle Laine on Flickr.com Creative Commons
nifty gifties [sweets]: Liz (perspicacious.org) / Liz on Flickr.com Creative Commons
My gifts were the prettiest, as always: vsmoothe / V Smoothe on Flickr.com Creative Commons

The Same Anonymous

I’m thinking about what to get my coach… I might get her one of those coffee thermos things, because she often has coffee on the barrier in a little cup, and it would stay hot longer in one. I wonder if I could get a thermos with a picture of a skate/skater on it?
http://www.halushki.com/ Josette at Halushki

Thank you for looking up the ethics info! I was hoping that gift-giving was a-okay, because I agree – we have a business relationship with our coach, but we do feel that she is so much more to us than just a contract. We all adore her, and want to share our appreciation with her in ways that are a bit more personal.
Ann

Last year there was a calander that came out that had skates decorated for each month. The proceeds went to the coach’s son that had autism. It was a cute idea so I gave our coach that. For our synchro coaches we usually give a gift card.
niuiceprincess

I bought two groupon-type deals for a swedish massage at a massage place not far from my coach’s house back in August (I was intending to use it for myself and one as a “standby gift”) and it has no expiration date so I will be giving this to my coach for christmas in addition to a handmade card (I really got into crafting this year) and a DVD movie–she likes chick flicks. She has been having some back pain and tries to get a massage every other month but she said it’s difficult to be consistent about it because of the cost, around $70 a pop. I thought she’d be the perfect recipient for it since she actually likes to get them. The place is only about 15-20 minutes away from her house and the certificate does not expire so im sure she will get good use out of it.
Anonymous

I may get a boot warmer for them…they do early morning lessons, and they sounded REALLY interested in the boot warmer my dh has and that dd borrows for her skates.
http://icemom.net Ice Mom

Boot warmers? Could you post a link to a photo? Find the photo online, click on it so you just see the photo, copy the link, and then throw the link in a comment box here. Your photo will appear.

This would help me because, um, Nice Coach complained about cold toes on Saturday.
http://icemom.net Ice Mom

Boot warmers? Could you post a link to a photo? Find the photo online, click on it so you just see the photo, copy the link, and then throw the link in a comment box here. Your photo will appear.

This would help me because, um, Nice Coach complained about cold toes on Saturday.
http://icemom.net Ice Mom

I love Groupon.
http://icemom.net Ice Mom

I totally agree, Josette. Just because it’s a business relationship, doesn’t mean it’s not personal, too.
Anonymous

Here you go! My hubby has these for his hunting gear boots, and dd uses it all the time (very very low heat, won’t dry them out excessively)

http://www.cabelas.com/product/Footwear/Footwear-Accessories%7C/pc/104797980/c/104724180/Cabelas-Boot-and-Wader-Dryer-by-Peet174/748996.uts?destination=%2Fcatalog%2Fbrowse%2F_%2FN-1101233
Anonymous

It would be great if you had a poll for coaches only, that way we could know what coaches like best
Anonymous

Many years I have gathered up misc. skating themed items in a gift bag along with a smaller amount gift card, one year we got her a foot massager. I seem to have less time to shop each year and last year I asked a coach friend of hers what store she shops at a lot – ended up getting her a Macy’s gift card along with just a couple of other little things. I think almost every year there is a skating ornament in the gift bag… I would just say beware of gift cards that expire, if anything just play it safe with a Target card – who doesn’t shop at Target? We got a past coach a tape player “boom box” type thing many years ago – great idea because she needed one – but then I found out later that it broke soon after… :~( I guess those things aren’t made very well, coaches are always having theirs break I guess, so maybe beware of that. I have always thought a spa/massage gift card would be good… but as long as you know they will really use it before it expires! Last year my daughter made chocolate chip scones to go with the coach’s gifts, put them in cute little Christmas themed bags, gave them to her rink friends too. That worked out great – she had made them all by herself so it really came from her and had a personal touch. I think maybe something like that, Christmas cookies, etc, along with a gift card is perfect.
http://icemom.net Ice Mom

You’re a genius! I’ll get right on it!
Anonymous

I must say that my family goes with the not so creative card with a bonus check as mentioned by Xan. We have been doing that for quite a while though, and it would seem odd to change now. Also, we usually give a framed photo (of me with my coach) from regionals that is taken by a professional photographer. We also give a box of See’s Candy to each coach at the rink, even if I don’t take lessons from them.

Our rink has a holiday club party every year, so usually there is much gift exchanging between skaters and coaches there. It never occurred to me that there may be ethical issues with this, as coaching does seem like such a personal sort of thing, despite there being a business side of it. Anyone who gets up at 5am to stand in the cold and spend months watching a skater make slow progress is a little more than just an employee. In any case, at our rink the gift giving is more of a mutual thing and involves coaches and skaters. My coach’s family bakes cookies for everyone (and I mean everyone! Last year there was something like 75 cookie tins they gave out), and one of the other coaches gives all of the skaters a pair of gloves every year. Skaters tend to give coffee gift cards, travel coffee mugs (one year Starbucks was selling one where you could insert pictures around the outside so one girl made the coach a mug with pictures of her and her brother skating), gift baskets with wine and cheese (we have a lot of adult skaters who go really fancy), and other things. I think because the club hosts the party and everyone participates (we do a potluck sort of meal) no one feels any sort of problems or favoritism from the gift giving.
Anonymous Skater

I’m giving my coach a Visa gift card this year (so glad Ice Mom and Xanboni approve!). I believe her husband is unemployed and their child will be off to college in the Fall, so contrary to being a cold and impersonal gift, it seems to me that something of a practical nature will be much appreciated right now.
http://www.halushki.com/ Josette at Halushki

It had never crossed my mind either until another parent said someone had told her that gift giving was a no-no. I’m such a newbie, I didn’t know what to believe. We give gifts to teachers, etc. I didn’t see the difference.

Now, judges, maybe…;-)
Anonymous

Yeah… judges. Give them food, then they can hide the evidence!