Beware the Maximizer Figure Skating Mom

Are you familiar with Gallup’s Strengths Finder? The premise of the book is that everyone has strengths that they can leverage to be successful at their jobs. You have to buy the book to take the fun personality quiz, but you can view all 36 strengths here. Me, I’m a maximizer.

A maximizer is a person who sees talent in others and wants to polish that talent until it shines. Maximizers see someone else’s strength and they want to help them make the most of that talent.

It sounds good, right? It can be. I think it makes me a good editor, a supportive spouse, and a good mom. I’m very willing to haul my kid all over the county to eight different rinks while she develops her talent.

The problem with being a maximizer is that I spend most of my time on my strengths and very little time on my weaknesses. Why would I want to spend time doing things I don’t like and I’m not very good at? Well, as my husband points out, because the sewing room is a disaster, that’s why. Just because cleaning isn’t my strength, doesn’t mean that I should get buried under the rubble. Or, so Ice Dad tells me.

The dark side of the maximizer is that I see a shiny bit of talent and I’m hooked. To me my daughter’s success is like a drug. I’m serious. If she loves to do something and is good at it, I can’t get enough. I want to take that good and make it great. I encourage her to practice so much that I end up sucking all the fun out of an activity. Take French, for example. I’m pretty fluent, so when Ice Girl was very young, I made it a point to speak in French at bath time. She had amazing bath tub French and could sing songs about bubbles, cleaning up, and her toes. I took French into the kitchen and she rebelled. Totally shut down. She was four. No French, Momma. English.

It’s 10 years later and Ice Girl still has that stubborn streak. The minute she thinks I’m trying to maximize her, she stomps on the brakes. I’m very lucky that Ice Girl is good, but not amazing at skating. If she had been amazing, I would have already maximized her right out of the sport.

I had an interesting discussion with a friend of mine the other day. Her daughter is 10 and she has become a really good figure skater. Mom is amazed at how much skating has taken over her life as well as her daughter’s. Mom’s daughter was at a competition last weekend and Mom told me that she, the mom was nervous. She kept asking her daughter to practice such-and-such jump and so-and-so spin. She’s come to a place in her life where her daily activities and her daughter’s skating have become so intertwined that they’re hard to separate. She’s wondering if it’s wrong for her to think about skating all the time. What would happen if her daughter ever quit?

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Today on Rinkformation:

IceCoach.net: New Figure Skating reality show: Skating with the Stars

SynchroMom.net: Synchronized Skating Travel Treats

IceMom.net: Beware the Maximizer Figure Skating Mom

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So, what should maximizer figure skating moms do to rein in their zeal?

• Find a hobby of your own. I cook and blog. When I can, I sew. Of course I sew figure skating outfits and I blog about figure skating, but cooking is rink-free. Honest.
• Don’t hang out at the rink all the time. I’m usually terrible at this. Where else would I be? Turns out, in bed sleeping. Ice Dad’s taken over the 6 a.m. drive time slot, which is a beautiful thing. I’m getting some rest and not watching every move Ice Girl makes on the ice. Very healthy.
• Encourage other activities. Your kid wants to try out for the play? Awesome. Sit down with the play director and the figure skating calendar and hammer out some dates. Leave your winter jacket in the car and watch your figure skater paint and build sets instead of speed around a rink. You might find that your figure skater really adores drama, art club, or chorus. These school activities are low-cost, come with school friends, and they give you, the maximizer figure skating mom, something else to focus on.
• Phone a non-skating friend. C’mon. I know you have one friend outside of the rink. Even I have a non-skating friend. Call her up and force yourself to talk about non-rink activities and accomplishments. Keep this up until your friend asks, “So is your figure skater no longer on the ice?” That’s your cue to brag, brag, brag. Until then, pretend to be as normal as possible.
• Balance your checkbook. Nothing shakes a person out of maximizer mode like a little shock-and-awe. Tally up the monthly figure skating bills and see how maximizing you feel.
• Stay away from the crystals. I know you want the sparkly, but pack that bling in a box and give it to your spouse to hide from you. Nothing good can come of covering your figure skater’s Züca bag in 40SS AB crystals. Really. Put down the bejeweller and screw the cap on the E6000 glue very tightly. No. Tighter. I think you can still smell it…
• Repeat a mantra. When you find yourself making practice schedules for your figure skater, encouraging her to run through her program on the lawn well past sunset, reading the USFSA rulebook back to front, making suggestions for improvement to the coach, and calling your skater’s training an investment, you need more than a mantra. You need an intervention. All I have for you, though, is a mantra. Ready? Close your eyes. Sit up very straight and breathe in deeply. Wait. Wait. Wait. Now exhale. Good. Repeat after me: Figure skating is for fuuuuuuuun. Figure skating is for fuuuuuuun. Figure skating is for fuuuuuun.

Good luck, fellow maximizer figure skating mom! If I can rein it in, I know that you can, too!

Do you have advice for Maximizer Figure Skating Parents? Are you a Maximizer? Go ahead. ‘Fess up. You’re among friends here. What do you do to encourage your skater’s success? Does your spouse think the Zamboni fumes have rotted your brain? Please share your downward spiral and your path to recovery in the comments.

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Do you have a question for Ice Mom or a whopper dilemma for the Advisory Board? Would you like to suggest an idea for a blog post? Can you haul my kid to the rink? Great. You can pick her up at 5:15 a.m. E-mail me for any of the above at IceMom.Diane@gmail.com

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Photo credits:
118/365 – meditate: lisadragon / Lisa Omarali on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Yoga in Malaysia: lululemon athletica on Flick.com Creative Commons
Cockington Green Gardens Maze: Mecookie / Michael on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Eglise de Temppeliaukio: rlanvin/ Rémi Lanvin on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Japanese Gardens Sand And Stone Garden 1: KaCey97007 / Cindy Mc on Flickr.com Creative Commons