The Connection between Adolescence and Figure Skating Nervousness

I know: I rant a lot about teens. Listen, you would, too, if it seemed like aliens abducted your sweet child. One day, my daughter was sunny and happy, carefree and innocent. The next she was a snarling, disagreeable beast whose phone rang at 11 p.m. And 12 a.m. And 1 a.m.

It’s not just the raging hormones that I’ve noticed. It’s the way Ice Girl copes with things, too. Just a year or two ago, she attended competitions without a care in the world. She smiled, laughed, and cheerfully lined up with the other skaters for her event.

Adolescents, though, are a different breed. Adolescents think. No. Adolescents overthink. Instead of going to a competition and smiling through the whole thing, Ice Girl now broods.

This is normal. It’s during adolescence that a person develops abstract thinking, according to educational psychologist Jean Piaget. Part of abstract thinking is the capability to understand a problem and predict the possible outcomes for a problem. They understand the implications of their actions and can form opinions about which actions are best.

This is good. Well, the independent opinion thing is annoying, but it all leads to the ultimate goal: an adult who will someday move out of the house.

Coupled with this abstract thinking is the adolescent’s increased awareness of her peers. Adolescents turn to their friends for advice more than their parents. Adolescents depend on their friends more and see social status and socializing as needs. Again, as parents we want this. We want adolescents to look outside of their families for answers, to develop their own sense of self, to hang out with their own crowd, and to eventually move out of the house.

However, take the abstract thinking and couple it with what will people think of me? and you’ve got a recipe for a figure skating competition nightmare. Of course, not every teen will turn a figure skating competition into a drama fest, but many do.

So, what can parents do about this?

Give the adolescent space and privacy. Anything a parent says during the great drama will be wrong, anyway. Give the moody thing some alone time. Head for the stands and let Ice Coach handle her.
Work on the nerves well before the competition. If you know that your teen will begin to ponder the worst possible figure skating scenario at the competition, encourage him to visualize the event a couple weeks in advance. Visualization is a powerful tool and can trick the mind out of creating drama during the event. Ask your skater to watch himself skate a clean program in his mind’s eye. Have him picture himself calm and relaxed before the event. Ask him to think about how he’ll feel once he’s skated. With any luck, he’ll fall back on these images come competition day.
Make competitions an ordinary thing. Stress with your skater that the hard work and preparation for a competition occurs before the event. Once your skater arrives at the event, her hard work is over. All she has to do is enjoy herself (my teen wouldn’t buy that, but yours might). You also might want to schedule competitions more often. If it’s just another competition, your skater is less likely to freak out about it.
Encourage out-of-body experiences. Ask your skater to select a figure skater whom he admires. It could be another skater at the rink, it could be someone he’s seen at a competition, or it could be someone whom he’s seen on T.V. Tell your skater to pretend that this skater he admires will be skating his program today and have him pretend to be this skater. In other words: What Would Brian Boitano Do?

Do you think that adolescence ramps up a figure skater’s nervousness at a competition? What do you do to prevent a competition from becoming The Great Drama Fest? Please share your success stories in the comments. I could use ‘em.

Do you have a question for Ice Mom or a big, huge problem for the Advisory Board? Have you a suggestion for a post that you’d like to read? Awesome! My work load at the real job is getting more normal, so I’ll be able to respond to your e-mails in a more reasonable time period. *whew!* E-mail me at: IceMom.Diane@gmail.com

Photo credits:
Boxing Alien In The Snow, #2: [F]oxymoron on Flickr.com Creative Commons
UFO – Don’t let them take me: Agent Smith / Jonas Smith on Flickr.com Creative Commons
UFO?: MJTR (´･ω･) / MIKI Yoshihito on Flickr.com Creative Commons
ufo [house]: robinart.com / robin on Flickr.com Creative Commons
Birthday Aliens!: Tama Leaver on Flickr.com Creative Commons

Anonymous

My problem was that I didn’t start competing until I was (practically) a teen. I always got super nervous, weeks in advance. Happy thoughts, etc. really didn’t help. The only thing that did help – lots and lots of experience. When I started I was nervous as soon as the entries were in. Then I got it down to the day before, then the night before. Eventually I was calm right until I started to skate. Now as long as my body is warm enough (which can be a challenge sometimes) I don’t get nervous until after I am done. Which, to be honest, doesn’t solve the problem of the nervous attitude, but it does at least delay and minimize it. So my best advice – experience. The more experience kids have before they are teens seems to help too, at least help them hide or deal with it, even if they still get nervous.
http://icemom.net Ice Mom

I think you’re right, invisible. The younger a skater is when he starts competing, the more likely he is to accept competitions as just another day.

You also bring up a good point: experience. I think that practicing a program over. And over. And over. Helps boost confidence. If nothing else, a skater can rely on muscle memory to pull him through the event.

Great comment! Thanks!
Anonymous

I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about Ice Mom – in fact I think our daughters could be twins. My daughter did a TON of competitions when she was young – no problem, maybe a tiny bit of nerves but more excitement than anything. She would almost always skate even better than in practice. Lots of 1st place medals…. Then fast forward to age 12 – now doing Juvenile will all double jumps, but now has teen nerves, over-thinking things – well then competitions became a “crap-shoot” – if you’ll pardon my language – we never knew how she was going to do. Sometimes her nerves really took over. Everything I said made it worse, that’s for sure! Of course it didn’t help that we have to travel for all of the USFS comps so she didn’t get to do as many as other girls, I do think it would have helped some had she been competing way more often… Between her growth spurt and nerves she ended up wishing she had just done Open Juv and hadn’t taken that Int Free test – you can’t go back! After nearly 3 years of trying everything to help her nerves we have pretty much given up doing USFS comps, at least the larger ones, and we have started doing ISI again, smaller groups, less stress! She did a smaller local ISI comp in October (largest group was 4 girls in Footwork) and she even got nervous for that but not so bad – she skated pretty well. In the midst of her “Crazy/Grouchy/Nervous” whirlwind just prior to this comp she told us that she didn’t even want us around at comps – she said that when she learns to drive she will drive herself and we aren’t allowed to come! (Oh yeah, teenage girls are fun… if you like Jekyll & Hyde!) We rolled our eyes and told her to have fun paying for the entry fee, coach’s fee, etc. She has been to one out of town USFS comp with out us last April and she skated OK, but she also had her best friend there to help her relax… That has been the only thing that seems to help her, having a friend there to chat with. I also know skaters that have seen Sports shrinks but our finances really don’t allow that option for my skater….
I have heard it said that it’s not really the best skaters on the podium, it’s the least nervous – and I would have to agree! After looking at the Sectionals results, WOW there were 4 girls that should have been a lock to go to Nationals – and they DIDN’T make it! I was very shocked. One Junior Lady that we know has all her triples, can do double axel/triple toe, also triple lutz/triple toe combo – she didn’t make it, too many mistakes at Sectionals, I was really shocked and bummed for her. Watching the vids on Ice Network will be hard! :~/ Maybe proof that nerves can derail even the best of skaters???
Sierra

I didn’t start competing until I was a teen, either. I didn’t even start skating until I was a teen. My first two competitions, I didn’t have many nerves.

Then my most recent one was the first time I did a program, and I was also competing in two events. En route to the rink, I had this massive panic attack, mainly about the three minute warmup. My parents didn’t notice. I quietly suffered, and then it passed. It was a very strange event because I am not a nervous or panicky person. The opposite. I’m the one who sits coolly while a fire is devouring the building.

I did okay in one event, messed up a couple elements in the other, and then shut out the world and listened to my ipod. I allowed my coach to talk to me. She was trying to convince me I did good, which I really didn’t. But she’s always like that.

The #1 most important thing to do is leave the kid alone, then pop up after the event with some flowers. Make sure to give them their iPod and some munchies, then go plant yourself in a spot where you can video. They will thank you.
http://icemom.net Ice Mom

Oh, I totally agree! You can have a terrific skater in practice who then falls apart at a competition. Practice is all about skills, jumps, and spins. Well, competition is, too, but then you’ve got the mental factor as well.

The teen beast is something else, isn’t it? This whole mind of their own thing is nonsense.

Of course, I say that, but I’d be a wreck, too, if I competed!
Anonymous

Agreed! I have told my daughter how much I respect her for competing at all, even for doing shows… When I was young I was so painfully shy that I wouldn’t have done anything in front of people – period! I like to joke that I only practice my triples in secret while she’s at school, haha. :~)
Anonymous

Same thing here with a boy. No problem with competitions as an under 13, skated way better than in practice. Now that the teenage monster hit, the stakes got bigger.

Experience will help. Only doing 2 comps this year (including Regionals) did not help at all. Next year we are hoping for a healthy season and more competitions. More times to mess up, more times to feel the nerves and harness them, more times to do great.
Littleskatersmom

My daughter started competing at 5… no nerves. She saw it as an opportunity to be able to do her program without ANYONE getting in her way. By about 7 or 8, the “butterflies” were there, but we decided they helped her jump higher. By 11… forget about it! Now at 14 we’re trying to figure this one out. She swears she wants to keep competing, but looks like a deer caught in the headlights when she gets out there. Not sure how to fix it, but I know it stems from a fear of making a mistake in front of people. Period.
http://icemom.net Ice Mom

I keep telling Ice Coach I’m going to fill Ice Girl’s water bottle with spiked margarita mix. Of all the things that can do no good, a margarita is one of the best.Ice Coach said no, though. I think she’s afraid I’d really do it.Of course I won’t, Ice Coach. Don’t be silly. It’s impossible to salt the rim on one of those water bottles.
http://icemom.net Ice Mom

I keep telling Ice Coach I’m going to fill Ice Girl’s water bottle with spiked margarita mix. Of all the things that can do no good, a margarita is one of the best.Ice Coach said no, though. I think she’s afraid I’d really do it.Of course I won’t, Ice Coach. Don’t be silly. It’s impossible to salt the rim on one of those water bottles.
http://icemom.net Ice Mom

I think you’re dead on about teens not wanting to make a mistake in front of other people.Very interesting fact from my day job as an education writer. I don’t have the statistic on me and I’m not going to guess because I’d be making it up, but here’s the gist of it: people would rather be seen as bad rather than stupid.Isn’t that something? It explains the nervousness that figure skaters feel before competing, but it also clears up the mystery about how that nice family down the street could have possibly raised two good kids and one rotten one. The rotten one chooses bad over stupid every time.