Why I Don’t Care about Figure Skating Success

Success isn’t about achieving something in the future, but about doing something right now that you love.

So doesn’t that mean I care about success? Well, sure, if you define success as whatever it is you care about, then of course you’re going to care about success. But then “success” really doesn’t have a meaning, does it? If it can mean anything, then it means nothing.

So forget about “success,” and just find joy, passion, love, awesome-ness right now, in this moment. *That* is a success you can achieve, without any self-help course, without any method. Just go out and do it.

-Leo Babauta, ZenHabits.net

This post is inspired from Babauta’s post, “Why I don’t care about success.”

I remember when Ice Girl was a new figure skater. She started when she was nearly 12 years old with group Learn to Skate lessons and soon found Ice Coach and took private lessons as well.

Ice Girl went to every open skate in the county (with eight rinks, we have a good assortment of open skates) and progressed rapidly. She finished Learn to Skate in less than a year and graduated to figure skating club ice.

Ice Girl was in awe of the high-level figure skaters on the ice. We sought out ice that wasn’t very full so she could practice without feeling intimidated or clumsy. She worked hard because she wanted what the other figure skaters had: solid jumps, centered spins, and speed. Ice Girl loves to go fast.

She’s been skating for a while and is now friends with most of the figure skaters at the rink. She knows that her friends work hard for their figure skating skills. But still, she’s sometimes reluctant to work on a nascent jump or spin because she’s embarrassed that she’s still working on something that others take for granted.

I think it’s normal for her to feel that way. No one wants to appear clumsy or untalented. Teens are especially self-conscious and unwilling to risk failing in front of their peers. However, not jumping and not spinning aren’t going to further her down the path toward her skating goals.

Do I care if Ice Girl ever lands a double-twisty-thing? Not really. The reason I pay for coaching, ice, and equipment isn’t that I want her to have a fast, centered hairdresser-back-scratcher-spin. I want her to be happy. Do I care if she places first at a competition? No. If she does, I’m pleased for her. If she lands her double-twisty-thing, I’m also pleased for her.

Accomplishments are important, but they’re not the only important thing. Really, they’re not even the most important thing. Sure, passing a moves test is a milestone and something to be proud of. But, as Babauta wrote, that kind of success is temporary. Once a skater passes that test or lands that double-twisty-thing, she’s starting at ground zero again with the next set of moves or the double-corkscrew-thing. There’s always something to work on, something to learn, something to improve.

I don’t often take my life philosophy from bumper stickers, but here’s one I’ve modified from a sport fisherman’s truck bumper: A bad day of figure skating still beats a good day at work.

So even when figure skating’s not easy and Ice Girl has fallen too many times or has become frustrated with a jump, she’s still a success: she’s on the ice, doing what she loves.

What do you think? Is it O.K. to define success in the traditional way with medals and trophies or are you happy just to let your kid skate and find her bliss? Do you care if your skater ever gets that double-twisty-thing? Is this definition of “success” dangerous to give to kids? Does it de-emphasize accomplishments too much? Let me know what you think in the comments!

Do you have a question for Ice Mom or a dilemma for the Advisory Board? Do you have a suggestion for a blog post you’d like to read? I promise I’ll think you’re successful, even if you don’t e-mail me! You can write me an e-mail and feel the joy and awesome-ness that comes in hitting Send. Mail your question or suggestion to me and feel that heady sense of triumph! IceMom.Diane@gmail.com

Photo credits:
High Five Everyone! 56/365: SashaW / Sasha Wolff on Flickr.com Creative Commons
IMG_7112 [mini-golf fist pump]: randychiu on Flickr.com Creative Commons
winner: DeusXFlorida on Flickr.com Creative Commons
superhero high five: istolethetv on Flickr.com Creative Commons
high five: piha nz / D. Stanley on Flickr.com Creative Commons

wasabi_cat

Those are the most sensible words I’ve heard you say on the subject – great post! I think it’s really important for me to realise when I’m having a bad skate that I skate because I love it, not just for the milestone accheivements like “getting” a jump or spin. I’m a teen skater too, and I would feel so lucky to have an icemom like you.
niuiceprincess

very nice article… i am totally keeping that quote “a bad day figure skating beats a good day at work”. I agree that anyone who is not afraid to go out and try what she loves, has already succeeded. i cant believe how many people are so afraid or so lazy or whatever excuse they may have, not to try something they know they’ve been wanting to. For Ice Girl, and the rest of us skaters, just becuase we will never be Rachael Flatt, doesn’t mean that we have not succeeded on our own right. As long as you are happy and trying, I think that is an achievement in itself. And of course it is not the destination, but the journey that makes skating so much fun. And whenever I have a bad skate or even a so so skate, I just remember what my coach would tell me…..”think back to where you were when we first started…you were SHAKING during your forward stroking/can barely get off the ice on a waltz jump/cant even go around once on a spin”…and then I agree, yeah, I DID come far. And for me to have not given up at that point makes me proud of myself. Thanks ice mom for such a nice article. I’m printing this out and putting it in my skate binder!
Darntsen

I’m a big fan of ZenHabits.net. I highly recommend it! It really helps to keep your life in perspective.

Too often we get caught up in the hype of figure skating. When things at the rink get crazy, I’m always the one asking “where are the reasonable, down-to-earth parents and coaches?” When everyone around us has lost perspective, as parents we need to reassure our kids that all that we require is their best effort and no matter what the result of the test or competition (or just landing that silly jump) that their parents will still love them, their friends will still be their friends and school, church and clubs will still be there tomorrow. Thanks for a great post, IceMom.
Silver Blades

http://silver-blades.blogspot.com/2010/02/blog-post.html
Silver Blades

http://silver-blades.blogspot.com/2010/02/blog-post.html
Anonymous

This is a timely post…just today, my co-worker said to me, WHY would a 10 year old want to spend 2 hours 5 days a week practicing ice skating…what will she DO with that? It was such a monocular view of the whole thing. He said, will she go to the Olympics, will she make money?? I answered I really don’t know, it is possible though not probable. I tried to explain how she loved it, how hard she works, the little goals (like her goal next year is to make finals at Regionals, maybe the following to go to Junior Nationals) and how goal setting, perseverence etc. is all so good to learn and can be transferred to other life situations. But I don’t think he was getting it…
Anonymous

So true!! When I watch my daughter who JUST turned 10, landing all her doubles and some of the SPINS that girl pulls off…well, I agree, she HAS succeeded already.
Anonymous

I’m just catching up on blog reading after a book trip, and I love this post. Defining success in terms of anything but happiness & self-satisfaction is a slippery slope, I think. Great message -