Soliciting: What’s a Figure Skating Parent’s Responsibility?

Wow Icemom…I think you read my mind! Just yesterday I was thinking of emailing you to ask that you post about these PSA rules….BUT my take is–respectfully–different than yours.

When I first started looking into these “rules” (because we are going through some growing pains with our coach and I wanted to make sure I didn’t inadvertently offend someone or violate some “rule”), I was actually a bit outraged by the “rules”–at least as they purported to apply to what skaters or parents can or cannot do. First of all, because we as parents and skaters have never explicitly or tacitly agreed to abide by any such rules, unless you can say that we do so simply by hiring a coach–which seems more than a bit heavy-handed to me. But equally important, the rules seem to be designed, primarily, as a protectionist measure to protect coaches’ business interests (even bad or mediocre coaches’ business interests), by making it more difficult for parents or skaters to be smart consumers about a very large investment we are making (financially and in terms of our skaters’ time).

Now, please don’t get me wrong…many of the principles are just common sense and good manners and the rink (and the world) would be a better place if folks minded their own business, did not brag (too much) about their skaters or coaches, and did not make slimy, too-good-to-be-true promises. I do get your point about the rules perhaps helping to keep some rink drama in check. And I have no problem with a professional organization policing the behavior of its own members–the coaches themselves have agreed to follow the rules by signing on with the organization. But in my opinion, the PSA rules go too far and cross the line, when they purport to restrict what skaters or parents can do or say. A parent–especially a parent now to the skating world–should not have to be afraid that she’ll be ostracized or “reported” to the skating club for breaking a rule that they never agreed to follow and may well not even know exists.

This just my 2 cents worth on the subject, and I of course respect your differing views on the subject, especially given your greater experience in the skating world. Thanks for the great and thought provoking post and great site!

Hi, Guest.

You have a terrific point. We parents don’t belong to PSA. We don’t have to follow their rules.

However, many clubs have rules about soliciting and tampering in their bylaws. Be sure to check your club’s bylaws to make sure that you’re not violating them.

I also really, really agree that no one’s out there advocating for parents. We walk into rinks blind. We don’t know what good coaching or good skating looks like (for the most part). PSA sure isn’t helping us figure out which coaches are good and which ones aren’t. Their continuing education is a good step in the right direction, but taking a verbal or paper test doesn’t really show that a person is a good coach. It’s like asking a baseball player to take a multiple-choice test about hitting a ball. Pass the written test and you can play in the major leagues. It’s a total mis-match.

I agree that PSA has some nerve telling parents what to do, but they’re not working for us, are they? USFSA is really for the skaters, but there’s no organization out there looking after our (the parents’) interests. We pay the bills, but no one tells us what we’re buying.

However, in the interest of rink harmony, I think that soliciting and tampering is just uncool. No one likes a smug know-it-all spouting off about how wonderful her skater’s coach is. But it’s just as smug and uncool for PSA to impose rules on parents.

By the same token, is it good to know that your friend’s daughter has cheated jumps when your friend thinks everything is just terrific? As a friend, shouldn’t you tell the woman that she’s tossing $1,000/month away on cheated doubles? That’s a good question, isn’t it? I would want to know if that were my skater, but I don’t know if I’d go out on a limb and tell someone else.

Guest, thank you so much for your comment. There’s nothing I love more than a good discussion. And let’s face it: someone needs to have this discussionwith us, instead of just writing rules and thinking we’ll meekly comply.

Thanks IceMom. One more observation: One other problem I have with rules like this is that they come awfully close to restricting speech, as opposed to behavior. Limiting what we can *say* about almost anything just bugs me (and since you are a jounalist/writer, I’ll guess this is probably an issue you are also sensitive to). Having had some experience with a speech code that was imposed at my university, I think the insidious thing about regulating speech is that you chill not just the speech that we might all agree is bad and want to stop–the hurtful, ill-willed, know-it-all’s blather–but also a lot of speech in the grey area–the helpful and well-meaning parent who maybe wants to tell a clueless parent that her daughter’s coach is letting her cheat her doubles, but doesn’t because she’s not sure which side of the “line” it falls on. To me, if the cost of preventing the bad speech through rules like this is to chill the good speech, well, I’d rather deal with some of the bad speech. And I’d also hope that some suble or not-so-subtle peer pressure could be just as effective to enforce good manners as the “rules” are.

Thanks IceMom. One more observation: One other problem I have with rules like this is that they come awfully close to restricting speech, as opposed to behavior. Limiting what we can *say* about almost anything just bugs me (and since you are a jounalist/writer, I’ll guess this is probably an issue you are also sensitive to). Having had some experience with a speech code that was imposed at my university, I think the insidious thing about regulating speech is that you chill not just the speech that we might all agree is bad and want to stop–the hurtful, ill-willed, know-it-all’s blather–but also a lot of speech in the grey area–the helpful and well-meaning parent who maybe wants to tell a clueless parent that her daughter’s coach is letting her cheat her doubles, but doesn’t because she’s not sure which side of the “line” it falls on. To me, if the cost of preventing the bad speech through rules like this is to chill the good speech, well, I’d rather deal with some of the bad speech. And I’d also hope that some suble or not-so-subtle peer pressure could be just as effective to enforce good manners as the “rules” are.

Thanks IceMom. One more observation: One other problem I have with rules like this is that they come awfully close to restricting speech, as opposed to behavior. Limiting what we can *say* about almost anything just bugs me (and since you are a jounalist/writer, I’ll guess this is probably an issue you are also sensitive to). Having had some experience with a speech code that was imposed at my university, I think the insidious thing about regulating speech is that you chill not just the speech that we might all agree is bad and want to stop–the hurtful, ill-willed, know-it-all’s blather–but also a lot of speech in the grey area–the helpful and well-meaning parent who maybe wants to tell a clueless parent that her daughter’s coach is letting her cheat her doubles, but doesn’t because she’s not sure which side of the “line” it falls on. To me, if the cost of preventing the bad speech through rules like this is to chill the good speech, well, I’d rather deal with some of the bad speech. And I’d also hope that some suble or not-so-subtle peer pressure could be just as effective to enforce good manners as the “rules” are.

Thanks IceMom. One more observation: One other problem I have with rules like this is that they come awfully close to restricting speech, as opposed to behavior. Limiting what we can *say* about almost anything just bugs me (and since you are a jounalist/writer, I’ll guess this is probably an issue you are also sensitive to). Having had some experience with a speech code that was imposed at my university, I think the insidious thing about regulating speech is that you chill not just the speech that we might all agree is bad and want to stop–the hurtful, ill-willed, know-it-all’s blather–but also a lot of speech in the grey area–the helpful and well-meaning parent who maybe wants to tell a clueless parent that her daughter’s coach is letting her cheat her doubles, but doesn’t because she’s not sure which side of the “line” it falls on. To me, if the cost of preventing the bad speech through rules like this is to chill the good speech, well, I’d rather deal with some of the bad speech. And I’d also hope that some suble or not-so-subtle peer pressure could be just as effective to enforce good manners as the “rules” are.

Thanks IceMom. One more observation: One other problem I have with rules like this is that they come awfully close to restricting speech, as opposed to behavior. Limiting what we can *say* about almost anything just bugs me (and since you are a jounalist/writer, I’ll guess this is probably an issue you are also sensitive to). Having had some experience with a speech code that was imposed at my university, I think the insidious thing about regulating speech is that you chill not just the speech that we might all agree is bad and want to stop–the hurtful, ill-willed, know-it-all’s blather–but also a lot of speech in the grey area–the helpful and well-meaning parent who maybe wants to tell a clueless parent that her daughter’s coach is letting her cheat her doubles, but doesn’t because she’s not sure which side of the “line” it falls on. To me, if the cost of preventing the bad speech through rules like this is to chill the good speech, well, I’d rather deal with some of the bad speech. And I’d also hope that some suble or not-so-subtle peer pressure could be just as effective to enforce good manners as the “rules” are.

Thanks IceMom. One more observation: One other problem I have with rules like this is that they come awfully close to restricting speech, as opposed to behavior. Limiting what we can *say* about almost anything just bugs me (and since you are a jounalist/writer, I’ll guess this is probably an issue you are also sensitive to). Having had some experience with a speech code that was imposed at my university, I think the insidious thing about regulating speech is that you chill not just the speech that we might all agree is bad and want to stop–the hurtful, ill-willed, know-it-all’s blather–but also a lot of speech in the grey area–the helpful and well-meaning parent who maybe wants to tell a clueless parent that her daughter’s coach is letting her cheat her doubles, but doesn’t because she’s not sure which side of the “line” it falls on. To me, if the cost of preventing the bad speech through rules like this is to chill the good speech, well, I’d rather deal with some of the bad speech. And I’d also hope that some suble or not-so-subtle peer pressure could be just as effective to enforce good manners as the “rules” are.

I tell everyone that I love my coach and that i think she’s fab. I don’t tell them they’d do better if they switched to her, or say bad things about their coaches (although i might think them about one or two coaches…).

I also think it’s a GOOD think for a skater to say to another skater “this is how my coach taught me that”, because sometimes a different perspecitve is needed for something to sink into place. The relationship between skater and coach should be good enough that skater can then ask coach if they can try it the other way. A good coach will allow skaters to experiement with different ways of doing things (unless the other skater was making it up/demonstrating badly). Sometimes, even if a coach thinks their way is better, the skater might not find it easier for them. And even if the coachs way is best for the skater, some people just need to try that other way, realise it doesn’t work, and go back to the original way.

It’s very difficult to see and talk to parents of skaters with high level competition aspirations who have an unqualified coach. It breaks my heart when I hear of a child who has enormous potential, but was (and is) with a low level recreational coach and is now too old to seriously “make it”.

I want to educate parents, but I can’t. Hands tied behind back. It’s like you have to wait until the person moves themselves from the dark side over to the light. You can’t help. It’s ridiculous, but I also understand why the rules are in place. I also don’t want to get “our” IceCoach in trouble.

It shouldn’t be; “there but for the grace of God go I (my child’s skating aspirations)”. It should be that coaches are honest enough and professional enough to pass the child on if/when they realize the child has goals that they aren’t qualified to foster.

It’s not the best, but it’s okay if the coach is inexperienced, but is learning and has mentors that can help them to gain skills. It’s criminal when the coach has no desire to learn how to teach high level skills, but is not up front about it.

Haha, can you tell we have one of these coaches at our rink?

On a different topic: My IceBoy had a situation with a specialty coach who would come to him and give him “help” on how to do his camel spin (his friend (client of the coach) and he were playing around with spins one day when this happened). I didn’t know about it until later when we were thinking of hiring that coach. He said that he didn’t like that coach because she was “always confusing him”. He seemed resentful that this coach would “dis” the coach he was working with. I was pretty surprised.

I know now that she was itching to teach him, but she shot herself in the foot by “helping” him when he already had a specialty coach working with him. If she had left him alone, and just said hi, then maybe he would have considered it.

We just have to hope that everyone who needs to finds IceMom.net…haha

Sk8rmomp, this is great. I have crossed the line but am prepared to demand that I was forced and had no alternative. Ice Girl skates with another girl, both have been consistantly passing levels for 2 years equally until recent. Ice Girl has goals to pass tests with flying colours, other girl aspires hopefully pass along with Mom and Coach. Other Mom has been asking me for 2 years why Ice Girl looks so great compared to her Ice Girl. I have always stumbled and stammered quite unsure how to say it as I am normally an up front despite feelings kind of gal. Ultimately, I often go with I have no idea, don’t worry, it will come, I am sure her coach is telling her. Other Mom asks my Ice Coach what her girl is doing wrong constantly. Other Mom tells her daughter to copy Ice Girl because she does it better – and yes she actually says that. Her Ice Girl is 10, my Ice Girl is 8 and big surprise but their friendship may be at serious risk due to Other Ice Moms behavior.

By a landslide, their coach is recreational exactly as the one you have described at your club. She is school teacher by day and does this on the side. She also tells the other Mom everything that is said in Coaches room and that her daughter has real potential if she sticks with it. The other Ice Girl is quite happy with her coach as is other Mom which I think is great and crutial but it can only get the girl so far. This coach is not capable of teaching lutz – that had to be contracted out to another coach. Their choice in Lutz coach was questionable at best and has not helped. These type of coaches seem to work together much like my Ice Coach has her substitutes that Ice Girl can skate with and be taught by and so on, I am sure that there is an equal list of who she does not want Ice Girl to spend time with being coached. Since you have one in your club, I am certain you get the picture. Frankly, it annoys me that she is permitted to carry on at the club as all of her skaters have the same problems.

Anyhow, I think the other Mom is REALLY starting to notice because her Ice girl is not happy anymore and is quickly becoming discouraged – can’t do a proper camel, can’t do a lutz – can’t do a good flutz and my Ice Girl has recently passed another level, just accomplished a few completely rotated axels with clean landing, has landed a cheated double salchow and is well on her way to another slump. She often skates amazing for a bit then it seems to go out the window and and waltz becomes unattainable for some time, then on again off again.

What do I say to other Mom. She is constantly asking me what her daugher is doing wrong – I try to stay on the rim of the cup with the I don’t really know, I am not a skater and never was, blah blah blah. The bottom line is, her coach isn’t telling her straight up that it doesn’t count. The girl is amazingly flexible and the coach is trying to utilize that – can’t blame her for that but instead of polished skating, the girl has a load of elements that she often look like a train wreck if she is able to execute them at all.

How do I handle other Mom. She is frustrated and has started yelling at the other kids for being in the way. She Parent Coaches loudly from the stands constantly, she is totally clueless to their situation and is actually begging for help. Do I tell her???? She is so persistant that she has put our coach in a bad place repeatedly which I am feeling concerned about – I would hate to see my Ice Coach trip into trouble for crossing any lines. Other Mom asks my Ice Coach to address her daughter constantly demanding and insisting that she needs to be told.

I am thinking that I will go to Club President and let her know that unknowingly, Other Mom is way out of line and doesn’t seem to realize it but is putting everybody in bad place because of it. Any suggestions on how I can directly handle Other Mom??

These two posts (sk8rzmom and sk8rmomp) are emblematic of why I think these “rules” make no sense as applied to stakers and parents. How can your coach be held responsible for anything you say to another mom–especially another mom who is, as you say, desperate for advice and help? Unless your coach is telling you to talk to the other mom and try to sign her up for coaching with your coach (which would be true “solicitation/tampering by proxy” because your coach is asking you to reach out on her behalf), I cannot see how there is anything wrong with you speaking frankly and honestly (and of course diplomatically) to the other mom to say something along the lines of “it seems that you are very frustrated and with that frustration having continued for months, perhaps you should think about interviewing other coaches” or even adding to that “we like our coach, but she may not be a good fit for every skater, so you should certainly inverview coaches and see who is the best fit for your skater” Come on, folks, this isn’t some sort of skulduggery–if a fellow parent is asking for help and you have some knowledge or even vaguely informed advice to offer, I see NOTHING wrong with offering it, if done with good intentions and some common sense/manners. Indeed, it seems to me that the only reason the PSA rules–as broadly interpreted–”prohibit” parent to parent discussion of the pros/cons of coaches is to help preserve the livelihood/income stream that “other mom” is providing to “mediocre coach.” Why should we, as parents, feel we are “forced” to support that??

Ugh, what a horrible situation!!!

Have you suggested to the other ice mom that she sit down with coach and skater and have a serious talk about skater’s long term goals. This gives the mom a chance to question whether the coach is the right one for her skater without accusing. Ideally, the coach would admit she’s more for recreational skaters, and offer to help pass the skater to a more competitive/testing focused coach.

Sadly, it doesn’t seem like the coach is that ethical. If coaches don’t follow good ethics, i don’t think there’s anything wrong with you suggesting that the coach isn’t really focusing the skater towards tests and competitions. Don’t reccomend any other coach, your own or others. Chosing a coach is down to the parent and the skater, but you could give a nudge that maybe she should think about it.

I hate to see parents paying for a coach they’re not happy with and their skater doesn’t like. It happens WAY too often at my rink unfortunately.

While coaches should not be able to solicit, I don’t agree with the rules relating to parents and skaters. At our club, you have to agree to abide by the rules so I suppose I’m stuck with them. However, by and large, they hurt skaters. As an example, some of the synchro skaters struggle. Others could easily help them, however, they are hampered by this potentially being viewed as coaching or soliciting for their coach. Similarly, we know of an expensive coaching that consistently teaches her students footwork incorrectly. Her students don’t place well at competitions but parents never get the reason why. I would bet that they can’t possibly place well because they are losing credit on footwork just by doing it in the wrong pattern. My daughter would love to help the girls but she can’t. As the consumers who pay, we should have some basis to speak up. Also, we should want the skaters to help each other.

Hey Sk8rzmom,

“These type of coaches seem to work together much like my Ice Coach has her substitutes that Ice Girl can skate with and be taught by and so on, I am sure that there is an equal list of who she does not want Ice Girl to spend time with being coached.”

Yes, this is very true. these coaches are usually professionally insecure and are threatened by more skillful coaches.

My reaction to this situation (if I were in your place) would depend on how close I am to the mother. She is asking for help, so if you trust her not to blow your comments out of proportion and label you as a pariah, then I would say something like:

I have been thinking a lot about what you have been saying about your DD’s progress and wonder if you have ever though of trying another coach to supplement what she is learning? Sometimes students outgrow their coaches and a fresh perspective helps to re-energize their skating skills. (test her reaction here–you can tell if she is just venting or if she really wants to problem solve. Go on as you see fit). If the child loves the coach, and they don’t want to make a permanent switch, then suggest they try out another coach as a supplement to the one she has already (baby steps).

Erica said: “Don’t recommend any other coach, your own or others. Chosing a coach is down to the parent and the skater, but you could give a nudge that maybe she should think about it. ”

Now’s the time to educate her on the credentials of coaches, PSA master rated, “has taken skaters to regional, national, international competitions”. Then as “Guest” says, you can talk about how your coach is a good fit for your DD, but that she should research and interview coaches for herself. (if she asks point blank if you would recommend your coach, be truthful, and say yes, and why).

Point her to the USFSA website and encourage her to learn more about the sport as it applies to children. The more she learns, the better off she will be.

You don’t have to address her specific concerns or mention anything about the coach being unable to teach a jump. Just be general. High level competitive skater coaches vs. recreational skater coaches. In general, but not always, the better coaches are the ones who are full time coaches, they spend their time researching, coaching, immersing themselves in the culture. They have more time to devote to their profession. But of course I’m sure there are gems in both full time and part time coaches.

Tell her to talk to parents of high level skaters (or whatever goal her DD has, synchro or TOI) about their experiences with their coaches and their skater’s goals. That can be part of the research too.

Bottom line, if someone is specifically asking my opinion on helping their child, I would educate, educate, educate without calling names or pointing out short comings of their beloved coach (we all know about the girlfriend who dumps her boyfriend only to get back together with him after you both had a “tell it like it is” session).

If they are just complaining about their coach or skater’s lack of progress, I just listen to their rants and commiserate. Believe it or not, some people just love to be miserable.

Don’t worry about your coach crossing a line or getting in trouble. I’m sure they can take care of themselves.

If you find yourself under too much pressure from this mom, then find another place to sit or be busy during sessions. There are lots of other people who will lend an ear to this mom, you don’t have to be the only one.

Good luck. Let us know how this turns out and what you did.

I agree, there is nothing wrong talking if the parent is asking for help. In my original situation, no one asked me for help, it is just an observation coaches have told me in passing. They all mournfully intone what a waste it was every time this girl does a beautiful spiral move or the like. I would never go up to the mom and say hey, did you know that your DD could have been big if she had the right coach. No way!

I once had a situation where a mother of a girl who had been skating (with this same recreational coach, struggling with axel) a long time asked how long my IceBoy had been skating and I told her (it was much less than her DD). She commented that my son was so talented and that her DD wasn’t. I just wanted to blurt out that it wasn’t her DD, it was her coach. But I didn’t. Those are the situations in which I bite my tongue. There was no plea for information or for help, so no matter how much I wanted to say something, I didn’t. It might not have been welcome any way.

On the other hand, there is a Mom who is so invested in her child’s “making it” this year that she is constantly asking my “advice.”. However, nothing I say gets absorbed, it’s not what she wants to hear. Her DD has a great coach (actually many great coaches) and she is doing the best she can. Everything is in place for her to succeed. But Mom wants it now. She wants to add this new coach and that new trainer and why is her DD not making progress this week. She doesn’t want to hear that it takes time, that she should listen to her coach, that I rely on “our” IceCoach to make those types of decisions. Nothing goes in, so I just sit and nod and listen.

Prudence, common sense/manners yup, I totally agree.

On the other hand, I am not qualified to know which “mediocre” coach has the potential to take a certain skater “all the way”. Note Pricilla Hill and other previously unknown coaches who had what it takes. So I will not ever “dis” a coach that has the qualifications, and is a good fit for the child just because they haven’t had a National Champion. So I stay safe and educate, or point the parents in the right direction so that they can begin their own journey of educating themselves so that they can decide what is right for their child.

Well, I like what everybody had to say. It certainly has helped me be a bit more clear on how and what I should / should not be saying. For the record, I do not think that our Ice Coach is a good fit for Other Ice Girl / Mom but certainly feel that there are some other Coaches well suited to this situation. I spoke to our Ice Coach and let her know my concerns as clearly, she has been involved much longer than I. She is going to be careful on what she does and doesn’t say so I am relieved on that front. Other Ice Girl has competition this weekend and depending on how she does will be directly related to how much complaining and begging I am subject to next week. I feel confident with everybodys input that I can appropriately answer or nudge / suggest risk free as I would love nothing more than to see this insanely flexible girl get polished technique under her belt – she would be almost unstoppable but most of all, she would be pleased as would Other Ice Mom.

If any other events take place, I will post a fresh one. Thank you all again.

i had a problem with actual coach incompetence and it wasn’t until someone told my skater what was happening that she realized it. It turned out to be a pretty bad situation the old coach would tell her she had jumps still 1/2 turn cheated.She would say that she didn’t need to cross her feet and to go to the left side. this went horribly wrong of course and she had to spend an entire summer redoing everything. I love her new coach and she is a wonderful person. Fortunately she is a very hard worker and my daughter was able to land 5 doubles correctly by the end of the summer. in our case i really wish someone had told us sooner. It was torture to see her getting so frustrated over all the bad teqnique that had to be fixed. is it okay to tell someone in a situation like this. i feel bad for all the skaters with old coach.

So glad your situation worked out well. Good for your DD in reworking and landing her doubles. WTG to her!

I have a question: does it count as tampering if you ask another skater (not a coach) something like, “Can you count how many revolutions I do on this spin?”

haha, no, that would be fine

Tho I guess there are rinks (ack locally) that you get kicked into the lounge by a coach if you are “coaching” your child. This would be like reminding her to keep her arms straight because she has a show soon and her coach is out of town. Yikes. I guess in that rink the coaches would get you for “meddling” or something if you as a parent counted or even gestured to your child…

scary!!

Did you know that something was horribly wrong or did it all seem peachy?? This Other Mom and Other Ice Girl went to competition and unfortunately didn’t do well although that is what I was expecting and am entirely not surprised. I feel like I am secretly keeping Other Ice Girl down by not “saying”. Problem is, I am having difficulty articulating the words without slamming Other Ice Coach. To my delight, there may be window of opportunity – - – Other Ice Mom mentioned that all skaters under Other Ice Coach placed dead last in competitions and Other Ice Coach feels that it must have been unfiar judging because she feels that all skaters executed their elements with perfection. Really? Did she read what flight her girls were in? I will wait for appropriate opportunity to suggest that opinions of perfection may differ. I know that as you mention above, Other Ice Coach says scary things like, “yes that is a perfect axel” so they think she has axel and feel that harness has nothing to do with it. Yikes!!! That’s a perfect Lutz despite the fact that it’s off of an inside edge and toe pick spray/scratch is overwhelming. I feel badly for them and am not really certain on how I am going to handle it but feel determined that it needs to be done. Other Ice Mom constantly asks me why my Ice Girl looks so much better (of course on days that she is skating well – would never want to bank on that) and my Ice Girl blah blah blah. The part that makes me care is that this is just another little chick – she works very hard actually, her on ice work ethic is way better than my Ice Girls yet to constantly practice elements and MIF incorrectly only ensures that it will be without a doubt wrong and render her efforts disqualified. Tell me sk8t mom, did you know that something was drasticaly wrong right away? Did you feel that your Ice Coach was great and everything was just unfair? Did you resent Other Ice Girl that set your Ice Girl straight???????????????? I would like nothing more than to help out this other family but am concerned that I am putting myself on the chopping block by doing so and must accurately guage if they are ready for a genuine response to their pleas for help.

Did you know that something was horribly wrong or did it all seem peachy?? This Other Mom and Other Ice Girl went to competition and unfortunately didn’t do well although that is what I was expecting and am entirely not surprised. I feel like I am secretly keeping Other Ice Girl down by not “saying”. Problem is, I am having difficulty articulating the words without slamming Other Ice Coach. To my delight, there may be window of opportunity – - – Other Ice Mom mentioned that all skaters under Other Ice Coach placed dead last in competitions and Other Ice Coach feels that it must have been unfiar judging because she feels that all skaters executed their elements with perfection. Really? Did she read what flight her girls were in? I will wait for appropriate opportunity to suggest that opinions of perfection may differ. I know that as you mention above, Other Ice Coach says scary things like, “yes that is a perfect axel” so they think she has axel and feel that harness has nothing to do with it. Yikes!!! That’s a perfect Lutz despite the fact that it’s off of an inside edge and toe pick spray/scratch is overwhelming. I feel badly for them and am not really certain on how I am going to handle it but feel determined that it needs to be done. Other Ice Mom constantly asks me why my Ice Girl looks so much better (of course on days that she is skating well – would never want to bank on that) and my Ice Girl blah blah blah. The part that makes me care is that this is just another little chick – she works very hard actually, her on ice work ethic is way better than my Ice Girls yet to constantly practice elements and MIF incorrectly only ensures that it will be without a doubt wrong and render her efforts disqualified. Tell me sk8t mom, did you know that something was drasticaly wrong right away? Did you feel that your Ice Coach was great and everything was just unfair? Did you resent Other Ice Girl that set your Ice Girl straight???????????????? I would like nothing more than to help out this other family but am concerned that I am putting myself on the chopping block by doing so and must accurately guage if they are ready for a genuine response to their pleas for help.

Oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man…. File this under T for “Things You Have No Clue About Until You Read Ice Mom’s Blog.” Thank you, Ice Mom. We’re fairly new to skating, but daughter is insistent that this is her “thing.” She just turned 6 but would skate all day, every day if given the opportunity. We’re just now looking at coaches…and think we have selected one… but I had no idea I might be putting people in an uncomfortable position by asking around. Yowza! I guess financing skating isn’t the only tricky thing… You have to figure out the unspoken rules first!