You Know This Figure Skating Coach? She’s the One Who Yells

I am okay with a little yelling and have been known to yell a bit myself. There is a big difference between raising your voice to get attention/correct behavior/mistakes and personal attacks/humiliation. Humiliation is never okay. A little yelling can be effective. My daughter needs to be pushed and the coaches who never say a negative thing seem to never push their skaters outside their comfort zones.

I agree, one of my girls coaches is Russian, and there is some yelling– but most of the time, my girl has it coming when it happens.

This comment is from NewIceMom, who had trouble with the comment system and sent this to me via e-mail.

My short answers: He’s be a horrible coach for MY child, and I’d never allow it. Whatever positive outcomes (winning, etc) he got couldn’t possibly outweigh the damage that would be caused to MY child’s self esteem. I don’t think my child’s age is relevant to my answer.
But I do have a theory on this, based on long observation of watching parents choose and rate teachers/coaches for their children (outside of skating): Yelling parents believe that yelling works. They prefer/gravitate towards yelling coaches. Their children have been dealing with it all their lives and accept it as normal. They make the best of it at sport the same way they do at home.
MY child couldn’t and wouldn’t.
Sometimes I even wonder if yellers’ children could do as well with a nice, kind, even-tempered coach or if they’d just slack off without all that yelling to keep them awake. But a yelling type parent generally seems to avoid testing it out just in case.

We had a coaches that all they did was yell. It was horrible because I don’t think the kids even listened to them, but I knew they were frustrated and didn’t know how to get their ‘point’ across.

Hi, A.P.

I think you make a good point. An occasional yell has meaning. Yelling all the time is just noise.

We have a Coach Coates at our rink (but we call her Sue Sylvester lol) and I would never work with her in a million years – not because I necessarily dislike her as a person but because I really don’t like her coaching style and would end up not doing as well. But as for the possibility of it being a positive coaching style in some cases, I think it depends on your age and the way you want to learn. For example, you shouldn’t yell at like 4-year-olds because they’re genuinely in it for love of the sport at that point and I think as a coach you should want to preserve that for at least a little bit, rather than rushing them straight into competition (though that does happen, it happened to me). As the skater gets older, maybe they start needing a little more pushing, especially if the choice they’re making is to skate high level and be competitive, but for me yelling just doesn’t work – if my coach yelled at me, I would just, rightly or wrongly, freeze up. However, for the skaters I know who work with Sue Sylvester, her yelling at them moves them on faster, either because they’re a little scared or because they appreciate and want to be pushed. It entirely depends on who you are, but personally, if my coach yelled at me on a regular basis and made me feel intimidated and/or humiliated during practice, I would think about getting a different coach.

I’m an adult skater, and my coach only shouts if i’m halfway across the rink and she’s making a correction. It’s not yelling, it’s raising her voice. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t push me or tell me when i’m doing things wrong. I believe she’s an effective enough communicator and good enough coach not to have to resort to yelling.

Theres one coach at my rink who always shouts, whether its “push, push, push” or “turn, extend, arms” etc. It’s lovely and quiet on the rare occassions she’s not there.

I wouldn’t respond well to being yelled at. I’m an unco-ordinated adult, it takes me a long time to learn things. My coach needs to accept this and work with it, not yell at me. As long as I’m trying my best, there’s just no need for yelling.

I’m not a parent, but if I was, I don’t think I would want my child of any age to be constantly yelled at by their coach. First of all, skating or any sport, is supposed to be fun. Sure, there are days when it’s more like hard work, but overall it should be fun. I don’t think being yelled at all the time is ever fun. But coaches are such an important influence on kids, I wouldn’t want my child to think that yelling to get what you want out of someone else is a good way to act. Unless they’re being stupid and/or dangerous, there are other, better, ways to get through to them.

My coach is not a yeller. I have only seen him mad enough to yell maybe twice in ten years, and then only at kids who were screwing around near the rink and potentially endangering skaters by throwing around toys, balls, etc. There are plenty of times he should have yelled, and I would not have faulted him for it. But that is not his way. Of course, if your coach isn’t a yeller, the quiet disappointment can be just as disheartening as a long rant.

We, of course, do have coaches who are yellers at the rink. (Is there a rink who doesn’t? The quiet must be so beautiful in the pre-dawn hours….) I know I couldn’t skate for them. I am already working my hardest and yelling at me won’t make me go any better. Some days are good days and some days are not. Yelling won’t fix that. Probably, it will make me just stop wanting to work at all. However, we do have some adult skaters who says that they like the yelling – they need it to push them and motivate them to work harder. Of course, I have also noticed that these skaters have been switching coaches lately… or just quitting in general.

I don’t think a yelling coach is necessarily a bad coach. I just don’t think they are a coach for everyone. In my experience a yeller coach is more interested in winning than in teaching. I usually see them take a talented kid who is already fairly experienced and push and tweak them to be a winner. I don’t often see a yeller coach take a beginner and turn them into a great skater/athlete by teaching them basics. If a kid says I want to win and be the best at all costs and I will deal with anything to get that, they may actually respond well to a yeller coach (of course, I would hope that this would happen more at the elite level in the sport after a kid has learned sportsmanship, discipline, and other important things that sport teaches kids. Sadly, this is not always the case.) The non-yeller coaches usually seem to be more interested in developing a student and watching them progress. Even if they are slow to learn or do not win, the non-yeller keeps trying to teach and improve the student, and the simple progression of a student seems to makes them happy, win or lose.

Unfortunately, I have also noticed that the yeller coach is often a better coach for the parent than for the kids. We have a case of this at our rink. The coach was gone for a few weeks due to eye/vision problems (ah the blissful quiet). The mother of some of her students was very upset because there is a contest coming up in a few weeks and her daughters were not getting lessons over the holidays while all of the other kids, who have different coaches, have been taking extra because of the time off of school. This mother is not a yeller mom. She does get upset about things and talks to other parents, but is too afraid of rocking the boat to make any changes. I think the mom wants someone to tell her what to do. She wants the best for the kids and responds better to someone telling her what that is, rather than asking her to make a decision. And the yeller coach is not afraid of bossing around the kids or the parents. Most of the coaches at the rink obviously advise what they think is best for the students in terms of testing and competition, music, equipment, and costumes. But it is always the parent who has the final say because at they end of the day, it is their money. Not so will yeller coach. Her students WILL have $1500 skates (regardless of skater level or experience, or potential foot growth, etc.), her students WILL wear pink, her students WILL have an extra lesson today because she feels like it. There is no option, and no way to say no, the money is just not there. It is her way or the highway. So the yeller coach is a fit for the mom. And while yeller coach’s students often win at local meets, I have not seen them progress. She prepares them to compete, and to win, but she does not challenge them to improve their overall skating, to work on harder elements, or to advance to higher levels. The parent is happy with the medals, and being told what to do. So while she is the best fit for the mom, I do not think she is necessarily the best coach for the kids.

I agree. Difference between putting someone down and telling a skater no that isnt what I said in a stern voice.Im not a yeller but my skaters dont like sugar sweet coaching. They want someone to correct them and push them.
No, I wouldnt tolerate a coach calling my skaters losers or something like.

I don’t mind a degree of yelling so long as it gets the job done. When it becomes excessive, then I have a problem.

I feel that if Coach Coates yells constantly, regardless of age and a positive or negative performance from his athletes then he is not a good coach. Is he yelling “Wow, you blew my mind, that was awsome.” or is it always what could have been improved? Recognition is important and needs to be exercised. I would not have my child work with an “all negative / yelling” coach and no the winning record doesn’t excuse the yelling.

We don’t have this one at our rink. Amazing but true. However, I do know of this type at other rinks. It eventually poisons the children. Yes, they are high level and yes, they get where they are quickly, but if you can’t take it or tune it out or whatever the coping strategy is, then you end up dropping out. boo for this.

My IceBoy would not have survived this type of coaching. He would have quit pretty quickly. On the other hand, “our” IceCoach did have an older boy who was a handful. His mom yelled at his all the time. He was used to it, or responded to it (whatever), so this same mellow coach would motivate him by yelling at him. Not in the same way the Yelling coaches do, but more in a motivating way and not constantly. I guess more to get his attention when needed.

I think a sign of a great coach is to know what motivates their students, and adjust their style of interaction to their needs.