The Curse of the Over-Committed Figure Skating Club Volunteer

Stop me if you’ve been to this figure skating club meeting before:

Someone: We need a volunteer to organize our hospitality room.

Over-Committed Volunteer: I can do that.

Someone else: We need someone to type up our club bylaws

Over-Committed Volunteer: I can do that.

Another person: Can you…

Over-Committed Volunteer: Yes!

Still another: How about…

Over-Committed Volunteer: I’m up to the challenge!

Realize that Over-Committed is also making dresses, working full time, posting meeting notes, cleaning her house, cooking, running her skater from rink to rink, and sleeping every so often.

The problem is that Over-Committed struggles with the difference between I can do it and I have enough time to do it and still be sane.

I can speak firsthand to this problem. I am sometimes the Over-Committed Volunteer. In fact, I have been so over-committed that I have stopped blogging for a while. I’m sorry. I’ve been so over-committed that I stayed up for over 48 hours to complete a competition dress, put together crock pots for a competition, volunteer as a floater, and make sure my family had food at the house. I’ve been so over-committed that a respiratory virus mutated into freaking pneumonia. Pneumonia. I’m surprised I can even spell it.

Let me tell, you: the cure for the Over-Committed Volunteer is pneumonia. Need sleep? You won’t have a choice. Need relaxation? Well, sleep’s relaxing. Need a clear schedule? Nothing happens when you have pneumonia. Need a vacation? You’ll have a week off of work, guaranteed.

So, when the Over-Committed Volunteer raises her hand for a third time, be her friend. Put your hand on her shoulder and your other hand in the air to do whatever it is she was about to take on. If she appears wild eyed and sleep deprived, ask if there’s anything you can to to take something off of her plate.

If you are the Over-Committed Volunteer, allow me to be your cautionary tale. It’s unhealthy to take on too much. You need sleep. No one gives you a trophy or a shiny medal for accomplishing more before 8 a.m. than most people do all day. Sure, that sense of accomplishment is hard to beat, but so is that sense that you’ve had enough sleep. Listen to your husband. Listen to your daughter. Listen to your best friend. Heck, even listen to your mother. If they’re all saying that you’re doing too much and not sleeping enough, give scaling back a try.

You could also try reframing your sense of accomplishment, too. I’ve done more before 8 a.m. than most people do all day could be: I slept 8 hours last night like a normal human being. What an accomplishment!

How about you? Are you a chronic over-achiever? Are you unsatisfied to sit in front of the T.V. without a basket of socks to sort? Are you constantly in motion or are you content to take a Saturday afternoon nap? Do you know an Over-Committed Volunteer who needs an intervention? Are you in recovery? Tell me how it’s done.

Do you have a question for Ice Mom or a real dilemma? Do you have a suggestion for a blog post you’d like to see? Send me an e-mail, but don’t feel offended if I don’t get back to you right away. I’m still working on past e-mails. IceMom.Diane@gmail.com

Photo credits:
Day Sixty – Stress Management: The Crystal Fairy / Toni Gregory
Stress [phone]: chmeredith / Christopher Meredith
Stress: alancleaver_2000 / Alan Cleaver
Nap Time: A. Blight / Andrew Blight

Anonymous

I was wondering about how you were feeling after I saw a twitter post of yours. Why do we do this to ourselves? We learn the word no at about 2 years old, but seem to forget how to say it when we get older.
guest

So glad you’re back, IceMom, and healthy! Please take care of yourself. We’ve missed you.
guest

So glad you’re back, IceMom, and healthy! Please take care of yourself. We’ve missed you.
guest

So glad you’re back, IceMom, and healthy! Please take care of yourself. We’ve missed you.
http://www.halushki.com/ Josette at Halushki

So glad you’re back but so sorry that you were so ill!

And yes, it seems that no matter school, sports, scouts, it’s the same four or five people doing 90% of the volunteer work. And they are not only volunteering in once place, but many.

Everyone has a reason they can’t help, but honestly? The people who *are* volunteering also have jobs and other kids and sick relatives. Volunteering could be as easy as cutting out shapes at home for the preschool class art project. Or picking up milk for a sick neighbor, and you’re going to the grocery store anyway.

But you’re right…there is a sort of “I’ll do it” personality type, but even if doing so with joy and passion, there are only so many hours in the day. And getting ill and not getting sleep are no good to anyone. I just had a bit of a wake-up call myself regarding this.

Anyway…I’m so glad you’re back! If the blogging needs to get cut back, we understand. I know I’d rather a little IceMom now and then, than none at all.
http://twitter.com/RedShamrock Marian Cole

GREAT POST! Like so many, all of us need to read it.

Welcome back. Stay healthy — and provocative.
Anonymous

I am not currenlty an over-committed volunteer, but I was….I was the treasurer of the synchro team, on the school board, travel for a living, and have 3, yes 3 children. So, I vowed to downsize, and I have…but the forces are still trying to drag me back…it takes everything I have to say NO!!!
Anonymous

You know what really chaps my %^$U….I ASKED for help, begged for help…when I say I was treasurer, I mean I billed and collected for 2 synchro lines (talk about ungratful work), I cut all checks for everything— costumes, practice ice, competitions, coach salary etc., I organized ALL fundraiser— every single ONE, I kept the budget, made nice with the rink, dealt with the manager and coach….I did everything that had anything to do with money and the team. I begged people to help me….man the candy sale booth, be in charge of the pie sales, you name it…all I ever got was crickets until…I quit. Now the team has 3 people doing what I used to do by myself…WT heck??
Anonymous

You know what really chaps my %^$U….I ASKED for help, begged for help…when I say I was treasurer, I mean I billed and collected for 2 synchro lines (talk about ungratful work), I cut all checks for everything— costumes, practice ice, competitions, coach salary etc., I organized ALL fundraiser— every single ONE, I kept the budget, made nice with the rink, dealt with the manager and coach….I did everything that had anything to do with money and the team. I begged people to help me….man the candy sale booth, be in charge of the pie sales, you name it…all I ever got was crickets until…I quit. Now the team has 3 people doing what I used to do by myself…WT heck??
Anonymous

This was totally my parents back when I was a teenager. My mom stayed up all night before my first skating competition to sew rhinestones on my dress. Another time my dad volunteered for 10 hours straight at a skating competition. He also volunteered for charity organizations, and my sister’s high school drama club. I was all about volunteering for stuff in college. I suppose there was potential for me to be super volunteer as well, but lately I have lost a lot of that magic drive that most volunteers have. So I pick and choose my causes. Which makes me feel grinchy, but also prevents burn out. Glad you are feeling better and planning on getting more rest.
MER

Sorry to hear you were so sick. That’s awful! I’m glad you’re feeling better. It’s great to have you back. Hope you’re able to effectively cut back on some of those commitments. It’s hard, but clearly needed. Take care!
Anonymous

I’m so glad to hear that you are on the mend. Sorry I can’t write more but I have to get this weeks basic skills competition check in forms ready and set up the venue, find the microphone and sound system and beg for more volunteers, we still need a music runner, and then I have to bake 2 dozen cookies…oh, and then I have to walk on water…
newbie

Hrmpff!! I certainly hope you’ve reshuffled your priorities now. I’ll help:
1) Write lots of blogs;
2) Write a bunch of spares and entrust them to a reliable volunteer to post if you’re ever absent again (I don’t personally recommend a DH, maybe an over-committed fellow volunteer would be better – they get more done and faster);
3) Do the rink stuff for your skater. It is research after all;
4) Oh I guess if you have time you can squeeze in feeding your family, etc.
But seriously, pneumonia is hideous and I hope you’re full strength now.
http://www.icecharades.blogspot.com Ice Charades

So glad you’re back – I’ve missed your posts. I found myself often thinking what would Ice Mom say about this? You know, the old WWIMS. Or WWIMSAT, if you prefer. Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? There, just did it again. Stay healthy okay!
http://LivingMontessoriNow.com Deb Chitwood

As a chronic overachiever, I can totally relate. That said, we all missed you! I’m so happy you’re starting to feel better and hope you can find the perfect balance in your life. Deb @ RaisingFigureSkaters.com
Lynne

Sorry to hear you were so sick. I hope for your sake you manage to do better with saying no in the future. I’m definitely not an over committed volunteer. I do volunteer, and I have let myself be roped into things I didn’t really want to do, but I know if I over committed I’d become resentful and probably alienate lots of people. So when someone says we need a volunteer to do XYZ, say “I can do X, but I can’t manage Y and Z” because I’m already doing A and B. It might guilt those non-volunteers into offering to help. If things start to fall apart, other people will usually step up to the plate. Sometimes it takes a little while for them to do so, so resist the urge to immediately cover that vacancy. And don’t feel guilty about saying no.

Glad you’re back and healthy again.
Anonymous Skater

I am so glad you are feeling better and are back to blogging! I missed your posts. So stay healthy!
ActionMom

I used to over-volunteer in the olden days but now I have three children, two with handicaps, and I’m in school full time. Between their various activities, schools, and my own study load the house doesn’t even get clean- forget cooking- and volunteering for anything is right out.

I feel bad that others volunteer in my kids’ clubs and at the rink and I can’t (and I’m sure some of them wonder why I don’t) but some of us REALLY can not do normal life many days let alone more
CanadianGuest

Just came across your blog – fantastic stuff! And yes I am the over worked volunteer. Last year, I was Club President, Membership Chair, Coach Liaison and did all the marketing & Communications. I begged, I pleased, I stomped my feet: Oh sorry I’m too busy/ was the response I got. And I’m not?!!!! But I did it, and several people appreciated me. But some nut job didn’t. She quit her volunteer role as membership chair leaving me to assume it. Then she and her husband (also a nut job, they go well together) came back at the end of the year wanting to push their way in and have been coached by their coach who was trying to get the board to be on her side (can we say career limiting move to try and influence a board?!). Well, she’s in for a rude awakening as we are cashing her volunteer cheque and giving her back 1 month in credit….