Can You Help This Mom: When to Switch Figure Skating Coaches

Today’s question comes from SouthernIceMom:

My general question is “how do you know if its time to change coaches”?

My daughter is seven and is currently in the FreeSkate level of the USFSA curriculum. She has been taking private lessons from IceCoachA for almost two years, starting when she was in the early Basics with one lesson per week and gradually adding more as she progressed. IceCoachA has traditionally been a cheerleader, generous with compliments, and pretty quick to move my IceGirl though the levels. IceCoachA is generally thought of as more of a beginner’s level coach, but she is married to someone who is generally acknowledged to be the best coach at the rink (he has taken kids to Junior Nationals). I’ll call him IceCoachB.

About six months ago, IceCoachA began complaining that IceGirl wasn’t progressing as much as she should. IceCoachA suddenly seemed to become very competitive and grumpy. She recommended that IceGirl pick up some lessons with IceCoachB. We and IceGirl know IceCoachB quite well and were happy to do that. IceCoachB is very picky and very serious, which is nice in some ways. It has made IceGirl step up as she really wants to please IceCoachB. Now IceGirl is taking from both A & B (for about six months), but has seemed to become a little stagnant per the IceCoaches.

It is difficult to provide all the background in a forum like this, but I am interested in perspectives on what may make a child become stagnant. Here are some of my thoughts and questions:

* IceGirl attitude: IceGirl herself still loves skating and wants to progress. Her only complaint is that she feels a little bored – her practice routine hasn’t changed in months and she doesn’t feel that she is progressing into learning new moves as quickly as she would like. She wants to work on her PrePre moves, finish her single jumps, get her camel spin perfected, etc. I can see that she probably isn’t practicing her current moves with much passion, which is one possible factor.

*Two Coaches, one very progressive, one very picky: IceCoachB seems to have a higher standard for “passing,” which could be a factor. Perhaps IceGirl needs to get more solid on some of her foundational moves that IceCoachA already passed her on.

* IceGirl’s age: Perhaps young IceGirl has moved into a set of elements that are just harder and it is natural to experience some slow down in progression.

* Time for a change? This is my big question. IMHO, I think we need to be done with IceCoachA. I think it is hard to have two coaches teaching the same thing. I understand if one was teaching moves, one freeskate, etc. But they sort of co-teach, and IceCoachB corrects IceCoachA, so I have begun to wonder what I am paying IceCoachA for, especially since she is no longer cheery and full of positive energy. But considering IceGirl’s young age, should we also be done with serious, picky IceCoachB? Is there any merit to moving to a fresh relationship? Would it possibly energize and motivate IceGirl?

Any insights are appreciated. I realize that there is much going on in the dynamics of things that I can’t explain here, but any feedback would be helpful.

Great questions, SouthernIceMom. I am just a skating mom, I’m not a figure skating expert. I can’t tell you which coach has good skills and which one doesn’t. For that, I turn to my own skater.

Howevever, I am a teacher and an education writer (promotion! editorial director Oooh.). I talk to big names in education and ed psychology. I read everything. I also know what worked in my classroom.

Two guys fist bumping on a rock wall

Personal connection.I’m telling you: The single most important factor in a student’s success with a teacher is NOT the teacher’s knowledge/skills, is NOT the teacher’s organization, and is NOT the teacher’s feedback for the student. THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR is the PERSONAL CONNECTION between the teacher and student.

The connection between the teacher and the student is the foundation for learning. A student will work hard for a teacher she respects, for a teacher who pushes her, for a teacher who offers appropriate, targeted praise. Students will overcome all kinds of instructional deficiencies and seek to improve, sometimes despite an inadequate teacher.

However, the reverse is also true. If a student and teacher have not established or have lost that personal connection, the student will not work as hard, become disinterested, and disengage.

Tolerating a mildly bad situation. I read something recently; I’m not sure where, though. Anyway, the upshot is this: the worst thing a person can do is work at a job they tolerate or kind of hate. A person in this kind of job will sit in her tolerable cubicle and mildly hate her job for years.

The blogger wrote that it’s better to hate your job. Really, really hate it. If you hate it, if you’re uncomfortable, you’ll take steps to make your situation better. You’ll search the want ads, knock on doors, and network your butt off until you find a job that you like better. Maybe way better.

Of course, the best situation is to be in a job you love.

I think that this idea can be applied to many situations, not just the work environment. How many times do we just tolerate a situation or a relationship instead of working to make it better? It’s a lot of effort to make things better and if we’re not very, very uncomfortable, it’s easier to just grab the remote, pop open a soda, and tune out whatever’s bothering us.

Should she change coaches? Well, I’m not sure. SouthernIceMom, if you think that connection is no longer present, it probably isn’t. If it’s gone, I’d switch coaches. It’s not easy, but it’s probably what’s best for your skater and, really, what’s best for your wallet. She’ll learn more from someone with whom she has a connection. It might take a while to find that person, but when you do, hold on to that coach with both hands. Nurture and encourage that relationship. And pay your bill on time.

What do you think? Should this mom switch coaches? At what point do you abandon a coaching relationship? How do you choose a coach for a skater? What do you do to nurture the coach-skater personal connection?

Do you have a question for Ice Mom? Do you have a suggestion for a blog post you’d like to read? I’m getting through my e-mail, as you can see, but it’s a slow process and I have a packed weekend coming up. E-mail me, though. If your problem is urgent, mark your e-mail urgent. If you think your e-mail is buried in my InBox, send me another one. Really, I love reminders and will take all the help I can get! IceMom.Diane@gmail.com

Photo credits:
t shirt design / connect theme: ::: Radar Communication ::: / Mark Chapman
join in: ollesvensson / olle svensson
hand in hand: ollesvensson / olle svensson
Henry and Brandon tame the RockWall: Dave_Murr / David Murray
Lucy/dave Fist Bump: whitneyinchicago / Whitney

Anonymous

We were in a very similar situation. And my jumpingbean also was showing coach confusion fatigue. I think some kids do fine with the different expectations and standards, but others don’t, and mine was in the latter category. I decided to switch to a new coaching team.
Anonymous

We were in a very similar situation. And my jumpingbean also was showing coach confusion fatigue. I think some kids do fine with the different expectations and standards, but others don’t, and mine was in the latter category. I decided to switch to a new coaching team.
Anonymous

We were in a very similar situation. And my jumpingbean also was showing coach confusion fatigue. I think some kids do fine with the different expectations and standards, but others don’t, and mine was in the latter category. I decided to switch to a new coaching team.
newbie

I can see why you’re disenchanted with coach A. Not so sure about coach B. Perhaps what she needs most right now is someone to ensure her prior skills are perfected before she solidifies some slightly sloppy habits or compounds them by moving on to doubles or whatever. If the main problem in your skaters mind and skating is confusion between the two coaches, why not just stop going to coach A?
Coach B sounds like he’s produced plenty of good results in the past coaching his way. Unless your DD is unhappy with him, I’d probably favour discontinuing with coach A and picking up more lessons with coach B. That would give you some more thinking time about possible alternative coaches as well.
At our rink once you fire a coach they never take you back. I’d be loathe to leave the ‘best’ coach until I was certain he was wrong for my DD.
Lynne

I totally agree with IceMom about the student/teacher connection. You could have an Olympic level coach teaching your child, and if the connection isn’t there, you child won’t progress with that coach. Have you talked with coach A about how you think she’s changed the way she’s coaching and how that’s impacted your daughter? If both coaches feel that your skater isn’t progressing as she should, you could try setting aside some time to sit down with both of them and talk about what should be done since the current situation isn’t working. The three of you may be able to come up with a plan that will work better for your skater. I would suggest trying to make changes within the current coaching relationship before you change coaches. It may be that your daughter has outgrown coach A but just doesn’t “fit” with coach B, so it’s time to find a new coach. But as another poster said, once you change from a coach it’s unlikely that coach will take you back, so you want to make sure it’s the right thing to do. What does your daughter want to do? I know she’s young, but is she unhappy with the coaches or just frustrated with what she’s trying to learn. I know my skater will come off the ice in a miserable mood some days when he’s working on a tough skill. He’s upset because he’s having trouble with the skill and because he feels he’s not pleasing his coach.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Anonymous

My advice is for right now maybe be done with coachA and have more lessons with coachB. Since they are sort of a married team, there probably won’t be any hurt feelings, especially since coachA recommended moving to B in the first place. If A has lost the happy personality that helped motivate the skater and doesn’t seem to be contributing to the lessons, then probably it is better to stick with B. I know B is picky, but as long as it is encouraging picky and not discouraging picky it is probably a good thing. Of course, this is assuming the skater actually likes taking from B, because if not the whole thing is sort of moot as IceMom pointed out. If the skater really isn’t responding to either of the coaches, then maybe it is time to look for a new one, but I think it would probably be better to stick with B for a while longer.

As to the stagnation is progress – sometimes skaters just plateau for a while. It could be from lackluster practice, or it could be a natural thing. If coach B is really picky, then the skater might actually be progressing in term of technique (which can be subtle, especially to non-skaters) but not actually feel like they are getting any better because they aren’t learning anything new. But really, all skaters do hit plateaus in their training and it is frustrating because everyone wants the skater progress, and all you can do is work through it. I think at seven it can be hard to get motivated enough to do that, especially when you really want to learn new jumps and spins.
Sk8GrandMa

My little ice skater turned 8 years old in January, and in December I recall sharing much of the frustration the 7year old’s mom is now having. My advise to NOT switch coaches, as that will just create pressure and create more delays in her development. Rather I would look for other ways to make ice skating more fun. Make sure that she is getting enough ice time for her to develop her skills. Take intermittent breaks from the ice for as long as a week. Also, try a new outfit – we gave her a fancy red outfit and she started trying to skate like a pro. Invite relatives regularly to see her skate. Try having her skate around a bunch of really good skaters – we joined a local club with skaters much more advance and older and the weekly skate club experience invigorates her sense of competition. Try to find a skating partner for her– I found that skating four days a week get old if she does can not have friends to skate with. Also, work on her off training as she is growing taller very rapidly at this age and she will have awkward days and sluggish days. We use ballet, jump rope, sit-ups, stretching, and swimming to build leg and core strength that has gone a long ways to develop pose as she skates. Most importantly, do not let her feel your frustration as she is just a little kid. Always tell her how good she looks when she gets off the ice and only critique her just minutes before she gets on the ice and only critique one thing at a time, let the coach do the rest.
http://www.myskatingmall.com Ryan Jahnke

SouthernIceMom, have you had a sit down meeting with IceCoachA and B and communicated your concerns? Between the 4 of you, new ideas and insights may arise that will help clarify your situation. You can recommend to them that you would like to have IceCoachA work on Moves only because your daughter is feeling confused. By talking with them you will have a better sense of what they are trying to accomplish and if it is something IceGirl needs to stick out. If this works, then great. After a couple months of the same thing, then that is grounds to change coaches.
Just make sure that each person on the team is taking responsibility for their part in this. For example, IceGirl may need to develop more perseverance, IceCoaches may need to plan and communicate with each other better so your daughter isn’t stuck in the middle, etc. A good coach will covet communication from a parent. That being said, that doesn’t mean the best thing for your daughter is always exactly what she wants. You need to trust the coaches expertise or find a coach you do trust.
Mtyack0428

Hi Ice mom, Our family just had a very difficult weekend, we made the decision to leave coach A and put coachB into the position of head coach. Coach A did not take it well and has become very nasty. I would try to give does and don’ts if someone was interested.
As for passion; I have an 8 yr old that is a very good skater, she was pretty lackluster a while ago and 2 other Chinese born girls started to skate and they became best friends as well as my daughter teaching and challenging them to move it! I have tried to keep a time for my daughter to have fun with the friends as a reward for hard work. My sweetie is landing her axle and her friends are right behind! I know there are some that do not want this to be fun but be competitive but they are kids and to keep them passionate they have to enjoy it. Maybe cultivate some friendships that will motivate your daughter. Passing tests and winning medals is a great kick also, we put our ice girl in a lot of little competitions and let her soar. It is good prep for the big ones that are now looming.
Emmy

I would hold tight, at 7 she could be in a natural plateau and need another motivator. Maybe a new routine and a local competition. She needs friends at her level and above her level and time to just skate with them so she looks forward to ice time and classes. If you are really wanting to switch coaches, I’d drop both and wait to see if there is a coach who looks fun. At 7 fun is okay. I remind myself that an injury, loss of interest, or a new interest can take my child out of skating but if we are in it for the long haul, it had better be time filled with great memories. Sure lots of hard work as well, but hard work doesn’t feel like hard work all of the time when you are enjoying yourself. Part of it can also be that dd just needs to improve current stuff. It can be boring when a friend is off doing new cool looking stuff. But that is going to keep happening and the only motivation that will work over time is internal motivation.
Meunes

A skater generally progresses at their own pace. I think maybe you expect great things of your daughter and because she is not doing as well as you expect or perhaps is not quite as talented as you would like, you begin to blame the coach. Your daughter has reached a plateau for a while and when she is ready to progress she will have learned the skills well regardless of coach.
Dancer_girl4812

Communication is key. Your coaches are there to help you. If you don’t express that you’re bored, or what your goals are, or what you’d like to do, you can’t blame the coaches. Try opening the communication channel, and if things don’t change still, switch coaches.
Mbillings13

My advice is to find out what type of skater your daughter wants to be… That will make the decision
kbrggcg

I just changed coaches for my daughter, after feeling that her previous coach – who I loved – was overcommitted with other duties and my daughter was not as well prepared for competitions as I’d have expected/liked (with resulting disappointment). Also, I think there was the difference between “progressive” and “picky” — her previous coach kept her learning, but her form was suffering. Her new coach likes it “perfect” – the change was hard, I like her old coach personally and she is a good coach – something was just not right. The new coach has been terrific, everyone at the rink is all OK and we’re moving on. My daughter misses the bond she had with her old coach, but is forging a new one — and is very, very excited about skating again after a year in the doldrums. Bottom line: if you are thinking about doing this, explore your thought — something is not as you think it should be.